The very married Gen. David Petraeus had an affair with a younger woman and the very married Gen. John Allen may have sent inappropriate emails to a younger woman.
Whenever powerful men stray, we turn wonder, what’s going on at home? So we turn our attention to the wronged wives, and guess what — Holly Petraeus and Kathy Allen are middle-aged women with a few pounds to spare, not the sharpest dressers in the world and clearly not slaves to cosmetic surgery. 
In other words, they are real middle-aged women, not the reality TV “real wives” version, who have all had lips, foreheads, breasts, eyes and Lord-knows-what else “done” in order to look “natural.”
In this beauty- and youth-obsessed society, however, there are many who can’t resist commenting on the “plainness” of these two women, especially the wronged woman of the hour, Holly.
“A grandmotherly woman with a gray bob and swept bangs, almost always smiling, glasses perched on her nose. She reminds me of oatmeal cookies — sweet, wholesome, and a little old-fashioned.”
Says the Daily Beast:
“She appears to be a woman who has opted not to chase glamour, to kow-tow to fashion or to wrestle with the constant pressures on women to reflect a Hollywood ideal. With her efficient bob, her practical spectacles and her matronly wardrobe, Mrs. Petraeus is a reassuring presence rather than a competitive one.”
Adds the Los Angeles Times:
“Petraeus has been revealed to be an utterly ordinary looking middle-aged woman. Showing no signs of slavery to high fashion, power yoga, Botox or hair dye, she can be seen as an unlikely partner for a staggeringly accomplished man famous for his obsession with physical fitness.
OK, OK, OK. Holly Petraeus isn’t a babe. But is Holly’s “matronly” look somehow a factor in her husband’s straying? According to some, yes.
Holly, says a commentor on DC Urban Moms and Dads, is “not just frumpy, she’s matronly. Of course a man was going to find it hard to resist a younger, fitter woman. … ALL men whose wives looked like Holly P would be tempted. Be real with yourselves.”
Another says, “Holly looks matronly and I know I’ll get in trouble with this, but she looks like one of those couples that got married when gay marriage was legalized in DC.“
“Like it or not,” says one Cafe Mom commentor, ” if you let yourself go to $h!t you are asking for it.”
Is that true?
Well, hold on. First, let’s consider the many women who didn’t let themselves go to $h!t,” women who others considered “hot” and whose husbands/boyfriends cheated on anyway — Halle Berry, Elizabeth Hurley, Eva Longoria, Shania Twain, Sandra Bullock, Jennifer Aniston, and a lot more. Why do we think that being “hot” somehow makes your partner be someone who’ll be honest and faithful?
Because obviously, that’s not true.
But it’s also seems obvious, judging by many men’s comments, that “letting yourself go” could lead to a hubby’s straying. I don’t buy into that. The only one responsible for a spouse’s cheating is the spouse him/herself, period.
That said (and I know what I’m about to say may piss off some women), middle-aged women — and men — shouldn’t “let themselves go.” I am not saying you should go the cosmetic surgery route — I haven’t and wouldn’t. Same with Botox; it’s poison! But I eat a good diet, I don’t eat a lot of crap (or a lot of anything), and I exercise.
There’s no excuse for carrying around extra weight and not making yourself look as attractive as you can and projecting the image of a vivacious, engaging and, yes, sexual woman. Just because we’re middle-aged doesn’t mean we have to look grandmotherly, especially when we’re not even grandmothers!
So I was a bit unnerved by some comments to my post, Are middle-aged women done with men? Apparently, many are. And if a middle-aged woman like Holly, who at 57 is just a few years older than I am, is “done with men” sexually, then where does it leave a husband who may not be done with sex?
A few years ago, Gen. Petraeus underwent treatment for prostate cancer, which often leaves men impotent, among other issues. Since they’ve been married 38 years, that was just one of the many things Holly no doubt accepted (along with his being deployed for many years). Then again, maybe she was one of those middle-aged women who was somewhat thankful; they’re ready to be done with the sexual part of their life! But obviously, Gen. Petraeus wasn’t; his affair with biographer Paula Broadwell began two years after his treatment, about when some men regain their sex life. There’s nothing like an affair with an attractive younger woman to prove that you’re “still a man.”
I know most if not all men want their wives to be babes; studies show that husbands and wives are happiest when the wife is better looking than her mate. But you can’t blame us for your affair if we put on a few pounds and lose interest in sex … or can you?
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Sometimes, women are other women’s worst enemies. Why is it any of anyone’s business to know the details ~ the who, what, why, when of this sad marital tragedy? This is for this couple to work out w/out being subjected to everyone’s opinion (and that’s just what all of this is, opinion) of why it happened. Only the two people as a couple need to know that, if they even want to… While I don’t condone what happened, let’s let them go in peace to pick up the pieces of their life. An affair is always a sad, sad, sad event, but to have it played out in the media is just voyeuristic and cruel.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
It’s true, Susan, that infidelity is a very private affair (no pun intended). But we love sex scandals; I’m actually working on a post about that so stay tuned …
It isn’t what a wife looks like that sends most husbands seeking solace in an other woman’s arms. It’s the fact that he’s still interested in sex and she isn’t. He could be the best lover in the world, and that isn’t going to matter if she’s decided she’s done. He’s supposed to understand and do without for the rest of his life because of his marriage vows. Somehow, that isn’t an appealing prospect.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
Well, that might be the case in some marriages but not all. My former husband and I had a good sex life — I happen to be one of those middle-aged women who truly enjoy sex — but that didn’t stop the shenanigans that ultimately led to our divorce. And, let’s not forget that Petraeus was treated for prostate cancer, and most men have ED after that. That doesn’t send women into the arms of other men …
Well we’ll well, iam a man and my wife is intelligent and educated and smart in her profession as a doctor but she has neglected her self she is dumpy and fat and my sex Life is zero and event if she offered me sex I revolt against it
,if aim given opportunity to find a young woman I would love to have sex and spend my money on her,but its not easy in my position and status.its so frustrating and don’t tell me
Get a divorce I have so much money and I don’t want to lose it.
I wish prostitution was legal.or I could marry a second wife
It’s so frustrating
H
Hawaii 5 O
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
I hope that you are able to express this to her in a loving, kind and supportive way. Perhaps if she knew how you truly felt, she might be motivated to get healthier.
It’s hard to bring back that spark in a marriage when women have given up on themselves. A sign of the times I guess.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
Gaining weight doesn’t necessarily mean a woman has given up on herself. Is she responsible for creating the spark in the marriage or is he responsible, too?
Twitter: hDONVRXHKDZieHc
says:
I know how you feel, me and my girl broke up because she was alayws doing fishy things. And I know material things aren’t everything but I’ve spent so much time and money into the house, which is hers but we alayws split the bills, so now its like someone else is gonna be enjoyinbg what I’ve worked for.To answer your question, Its hard for me everyday, but I just try to keep thinking that I am worth getting treated better then the way she treated me. I know how I loved and cared for her and would never do the things that she did to me. So there just has to be someone else out there for me. Before I met her I alayws wondered if I would love anyone, and she came along, so if I’m single its gotta be bound to happen again, right?Hope I helped or at least let you see that your not the only one that this happens to.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
I think we should always keep ourselves open to the possibility of love. Good luck in 2013
I agree that neither partner should “let themselves go” due to age or circumstance. A healthy relationship takes mutual work and effort in all aspects: emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and of course sexually. But blaming the wife for her husband cheating is essentially blaming the victim. If she had only done this or that he wouldn’t have strayed. It’s as logical and just an argument as “if she hadn’t been dressed that way she wouldn’t have been raped.” The only person to blame for infidelity is the person doing the cheating…regardless of the circumstances, it is very much a conscious choice, and one could always choose not to.
I also think it’s unfair to assume that she wasn’t a sexual person. Because she does not look like a model that means she doesn’t have an interest in sex? True, middle age can have that effect, but like you pointed out …It’s not an issue for you, so who’s to say it is for her? Perhaps she was willing and able and he wasn’t interested. Or perhaps he carried on an affair while maintaining a “happy” home life. He knew who he married and what kind of woman she was in the beauty and maintenance departments when he spoke his vows. Deciding now that he would prefer a hot piece of ass (excuse my language) and then acting on it as if he is somehow entitled to any whim and desire without consequence shows a blatant disrespect for his wife and a terrible arrogance. (Assuming of course that his motivation for cheating was nothing more than “I want.”)
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
Yes, yes, yes! The only person responsible for cheating is the cheater. That doesn’t get the partner off the hook — he/she may be behaving poorly, too. But there are other ways to address that than disrespecting your partner.