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When I asked a friend recently how she’s doing, she paused and answered, “I keep wondering if this is all there is.”

She, like me, is 50-something and like many 50-somethings we are empty-nesters or about to be empty-nesters; we’re either 20-something years into a marriage or divorced. We’re in the so-called “midlife crisis” years, a time when we question what we’ve done (and, more likely, haven’t done) and where to we want to be.

It was odd timing, coming just days after I read Monique Honaman’s provocative post in the Huffington Post, I Just Wish He Would Have an Affair, in which she details how many wives have confided in her that they just don’t want to be married anymore:

These women are done. They say they aren’t happy. They say they aren’t in love with their husbands (or any other man — they aren’t having affairs). They say they simply wish they were no longer married to him. They aren’t fulfilled. They wonder if this is how they are doomed to live the rest of their lives (and God-willing, most of them have another 40+ years ahead of them). … The common factor amongst all of these women is that they say that their husbands are really solid, good, nice men. … they just don’t want to be married to them anymore because they have fallen out of love.

That’s a curious place to be but not unusual. Ms. Honaman doesn’t say how old  these women are or how long they’ve been married, but since she indicates they have another 40-plus years ahead of them, I don’t think I’m off in guessing they’re in their 40s, 50s and 60s — yep, midlife.

Why is midlife so wrought with angst for women? Well, beside the study that found that age 48 is the pivotal year for women’s unhappiness, women tend to be more prone to depression anyway. But at midlife we’re dealing with menopause, the loss of our role as nurturer, the loss of our youth and beauty, etc.

And I don’t doubt that some women have been inspired by the “Eat, Pray, Love” life or, what AskMen calls the Second-Act Syndrome: After raising a family and tending to the home and baking brownies for the Boy Scout fundraiser and volunteering to drive on who-knows-how-many field trips while doing paid or non-paid work (and, yes, being a stay-at-home parent is work), it’s finally “me” time. We want to stop nurturing others and start nurturing ourselves. We want to feel a little bit selfish instead of selfless.

But does that mean men are out of the picture or just husbands? Since, two-thirds of all divorces are initiated by women and many women tend to do well after divorce, it’s a valid question to ask.

Blogger Dalrock has an interesting post titled, Are Women Done With Men After Age 55 in which he believes he dispels the myth that women “are wired to prefer to divorce and live alone later in life.”

I don’t believe we’re “wired” to that, but he’s missing an essential point: There are many women who do not divorce but live in loveless and sexless marriages for a variety of reasons (as do men) nonetheless. As Pamela Haag discovered while researching for her book “Marriage Confidential, “33 percent of respondents agreed that ‘even if you’re unhappy, you should stick it out for the children.’ That’s up from 20 percent in a 1970 survey.” And as Pamela Paul detailed in The Undivorced, many couples live together but have separate lives. So much for being married happily ever after.

So, where does that leave middle-aged divorced women? Are we done with men?

For some, yes. There are a number who put aside their all their needs, including sexual, to just focus on their kids. There are also many women who prefer the company of girlfriends to men, throw themselves into their career and travel, and relish their freedom. There are many women who want to find love again but give up, frustrated, unhappy or uncomfortable with the 50-plus dating scene. And then there are older women who are happily dating or in relationships — according to an AARP study, most divorced women in midlife do find someone new — 75 percent of women in their 50s reported enjoying serious, exclusive relationships after their divorces, often within two years, compared with 81 percent of men in their 50s (although more older men tend to marry again than older women).

All of which would indicate that, no, women in their 50s and beyond are not done with men.

We just may be done with marriage.

  • Do you think middle-aged women want nothing more to do with men?
  • Do middle-aged men feel the same way?

 

 

117 Responses to “Are middle-aged women done with men?”

  1. sunny says:

    It has nothing to do with age. Its about being awake. If your still in the “game”, you will play along, again and again. Until you reach a certain age, 48 mostly, then you start to wake up, and you either keep bitter about that you love fairy tale will not come true, at least not here in this place, at this time. Or you adjust to it, and you live your life free of all these false hopes and burdens. But I am 32, and I woke up already now. And I am done with men. So it has nothing to do with age.

    • Richard says:

      How do you know it has nothing to do with age since you’re only 32? Unless you’re a rock, you’ll change over time.

    • Chris says:

      I’m 44 and done with women. At sixteen I already knew that the girls/women I was attracted to, ie attractive girls/women, were out of my reach and the best I could hope for was someone with average looks. But because I was young and optimistic I pushed on in the hope that somehow I might get an attractive girl/woman. After three decades of being rejected by the women I was strongly attracted to and “settling’ for women just because they were available, I finally got to a point where I just couldn’t do it anymore. I only wish I hadn’t wasted three decades of my life confirming what I already knew at sixteen. The dating game is fun if you’re one of the few guys who can pull gorgeous women but for the majority of us it sucks.

    • Don Dressel says:

      I hope you find happiness I know some men are bad but I have always been faithful in my marriages and did housework took care of the kids and worked hard even had 2 jobs for 5 years. My return my 1st wife cheated on me my 2nd wife took everything from me until she died of cancer and now my 3rd wife after 23 years tells me she is not in love with me anymore and I bought her a house and helped her through her hard times losing her job and knee replacement ect. I have nothing else to give my back is very bad and my dad is dying so not every man is bad!

  2. Vicki
    Twitter: OMGchronicles
    says:

    Sunny, why are you done with men?

  3. Huntergatherer says:

    I am a 58 year old man that has been single the majority of my life. In my earlier years I was very lucky with woman. Now, you would think I was invisible. I am not alone on this. Many of the people I know either say the same thing or when asked agree that they have noticed the same indifference from woman of a certain age.

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles
      says:

      That’s interesting, Huntergatherer. Of course, women can be as vain and “shallow” as men, wanting someone who has hair, is fit, dresses attractively and who has a good sense of humor and charm; are you sending the wrong message?

      • longshorts says:

        I want a woman who wants me. It is very simple at first sight. I am not through with women at all, because being alone, or being gay is not my choice. I have been married three times since I was 19, my last Ex changed into a person I didn’t know even though I tried to understand her wants and make her understand that she was still the most important person in my life. Everything still fell apart. Now she is married to someone else, the kids do not like him. And all I have left is pictures and memories, and the kids (grown up and making their own lives).
        I am of the opinion that women do not want men in their lives today after the age of the change. Whether menopause happens in their 40′s or 50′s, men are discarded by some women like men are yesterday’s trash, used, unwanted, and unimportant. I thought that marriage was forever, like my parent’s marriage. I am sad to find out that I was wrong. I will be patient, and maybe I will be fortunate to find another to love.

        • OMGchronicles
          Twitter: OMGchronicles
          says:

          I’m sorry that that was your experience, longshorts, but there are many women in their 40s and 50s and beyond who actually do want men in their lives. But, marriage isn’t always forever nor should it be if it’s unhealthy and cannot be salvaged. I’m sure you will find love again, but you will have to think differently about women for that to happen.

          • Peter says:

            I agree that there is (or was) a stigma attached to marriage. I was married for 22 years, now divorced for 6. I know some happy couples who carry on healthy and loving relationships and will never marry. Sometimes they live together, sometimes they choose not to. There is a level of trust, independence and maturity that accepts the other and his/her life’s emotional and physical trials and travails. I have dated often but have not met the woman whom I am comfortable with to travel the journey that is the rest of my life. I will know it when it happens. My heart will flutter, skip a beat. It’s not about age, although physical attractiveness and fitness remains the initial point of allure. Can we make the effort to totally understand each other? Can we — and this is important — just listen? Can we be there — and more than just physically — during our partner’s times of angst? Do we have the courage to open ourselves up? Great, loving, strong relationships still happen to people in their 50s and beyond. Sometimes it just takes an honesty to be true to ourselves — and allow our partner to do the same. And, of course, men can’t sit around and watch football all the time … :-)

          • Chris says:

            After being conditioned by the media all my life to want young, conventionally attractive women I have absolutely no interest whatsoever in women in their 40s and 50s. I wish that wasn’t the case, because my life would be a lot easier if I could live with settling for an average middle aged woman. But I simply can’t.

    • sharon says:

      do you mean women of a certain age like young women?if your 58 and going after women 48 and younger then thats why your not having any luck.im 41,my dad is 59 and i would not want a man in your age range.
      give the woman 50 and older a chance?or is that to old for you?

    • Ann says:

      Unless you are going after women much younger than you, or you are totally socially inept, I can’t believe you would have trouble meeting women. There is a surplus of great single women in their 50s, but most men in their 50s want 30 year olds.

      • OMGchronicles
        Twitter: OMGchronicles
        says:

        I’d say many men would prefer younger women, but I have met many middle-aged men who enjoyed dating women their own age. I wouldn’t be interested in men who wanted to date younger; I don’t judge them for doing it, however.

      • Peter says:

        My first (and only prior) wife was 10 years younger than me. Most of my longest relationships have been with women 3-13 years younger than me. That said, however, your are right on with your observation. Provided that the man and/or woman keep themselves reasonably healthy physically, emotionally and mentally, there is no sound reason for men (or women) to nosedive out of their age range (or generation) to find a partner who makes life exciting and adventuresome again. From my perspective, I will know it with her smile, not the date on her birth certificate. She will be kind and wise, compassionate and open to diversity, and willing to engage in pursuits she is less comfortable with because she wants to know me. Of course, I will do the same. These are things that a person can sense early on. If I meet nice, attractive woman helping out at the homeless shelter or teaching an immigrant English, I know where her heart and mind is — and that makes her more alluring 10 times over.

    • Gisele says:

      well huntergatherer — for myself (50) i usualy presume a guy in my age bracket is attached unless he makes it really clear that he isn’t –so maybe you just need to be more upfront about your single status?? & personally …looks really don’t matter that much anymore if the guy is smart, a good conversationalist, funny good attitude etc…so don’t give up :-) there are still middle aged women with souls & hearts out there –maybe they just think that you are “too cute to be single?” ;-)

  4. Deanne says:

    I divorced my first and second husbands, and have had other long-term, committed relationships. Since I was a teenager, I have found males in the love relationship sense to be a huge disappointment. From a teenaged boyfriend sending a friend to drive me to and from the abortion clinic — so that he wouldn’t miss his college biology test — to a first husband with perpetual Peter Pan syndrome, to a second husband who loved his booze more than anything or anyone else, to the “love of my life” who did a 180 on me when things got too real, I have come to realize the pain and heartbreak have not been worth the good times. Although I still look and feel vivacious, at age 50, I have stopped trying to find someone special. About 90% of the time, I’m okay with this decision — I have many friends, a good career and interesting hobbies — but I also wonder at times, when the noise has dimmed, “is this all there is?”

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles
      says:

      Deanne, if you are finding continual disappointment in men then perhaps it’s time to look at what’s going on for you that is leading you to pick men who disappoint you. If you’re not 100 percent on giving up on men — and at 50 that’s waaaaay too young! — then don’t give up and look at this as a time to explore. Friends, hobbies and a career are awesome, but it sounds like you want more. Go figure it out! You won’t regret it.

      • Karen says:

        You should look at the possibility of women. The are superior to men in bed. You will not be disappointed.. It’s a whole new world..Sex with a woman is the most satisfying sex I’ve ever had.. Hands down! A relationship with a woman is much mor fulfilling. I was married 38 years to a man and fell out of love. I now have a female partner and i cannot BELIEVE what I was missing all these years.. Now I know why men love women sooo much.. UNREAL!

    • Peter says:

      While I don’t disagree with Karen — and she has a healthy, open outlook — if you are not interested in her option, I would simply say this, knowing I don’t always follow my own advice well: You are young (and vivacious, as you say) — pursue your passions and put the idea of men aside for a year or two. What makes you happy? What gives you comfort? What would like to learn? What places would you like to visit (if finances aren’t a deterrent)? Provided you are not working 60 hours and week and dead tired at the end of the day, there is much out there in our lives after divorce or being widowed. In doing such, I promise, you will meet someone who shares your mindset AND finds you irresistable. You will know it because you will again feel like you did when you first fell for someone in junior high or high school. Your heart becomes full again. Stay in the moment, continue your career and maintain your good friendships — and yet, there is more awaiting you.

  5. kahu says:

    I am 53 and back dating younger men (40ish), after being divorced for awhile. I believe every situation depends on the circumstances and age has very little to do with it. Some people wake up sooner than others. My divorce happened when my 3 children was finishing high school and it was mutual decided between me and my husband at that time. We are still friends without benefits. At my age I love sex more than I did when I was younger, I take care of myself better now than when I was younger. I have been complimented by younger men that I am sexy and they can’t believe I am in my 50′s. Which of course gives me more confidence to up my game more with stay physically fit. I just might marry again soon. I hope this time around the relationship can stay spontaneous and interesting until the end. This may not work for everyone but a positive mind, a healthy body, and a beautiful soul never hurt anyone. Do what works for you, and live life to the fullest. I know I will.
    Kahu

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles
      says:

      Kahu, I, too, feel better in my 50s than when I was younger — like you, I’m more confident and flirtatious and that will always attractive men (especially if you keep yourself fit). Enjoy this time, but if you do marry again, remember you have to help make the relationship “stay spontaneous and interesting until the end.” Good luck!

      • john says:

        Kahu,

        I am more loving in my 50 s than in any other age , so if you are interested in dating and sharing with me for a relationship i will be the happy person .life is to see good things , and be happy, I say now ” Past is a history, Future is a mistery, Be in the present ” so let be in the present and don’t think of tomorrow. if you like this let us not wast time we eill meet up and start a relation ship.
        with love ,
        JOhn

  6. kacey says:

    I really dont know much about women in their 50s, Im only 28. My mom is certainly done with men. And im probably going to be close behind her. I cant help but wonder if the “done with men” age will be signifigantly lower in my generation. This is something my friends and I discuss occassionally. For a long time i thought there was something wrong with me because i cant handle sex that is.violent, cruel or degrading. Then I found out that a lot of women my age refrain from sex for the same reason. So we went to a source of wisdom…..grandma. We asked how she dealt with the issue.she was shocked and disgusted by what we described. She said she had never heard of a man treating a woman like that.Has sex gotten more violent over the years? Or was grandma just super lucky?I really dont know, but i do know i cringe at the thought of being in a relationship again.so confused.

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles
      says:

      Thanks for writing, Kacey. I’m not sure if it’s become more violent. I think women especially are expressing their sexuality on more powerful and knowledgeable ways. But, I also wonder if the easy availability of porn has something to do with it — what do you think?

    • sharon says:

      kacey,the reason men view sex and think the the right way to have sex nowadays then they did in your grandmas day or even mine(im 41)is because guys grow up now with porn being their teacher.its everywere compared to say 15 years ago.its a shame parents dont teach their kids(mostly boys)that porn is not how you treat a woman,and it not how real sex is between a couple.

      my kids are almost 19 and 15,my daughter 18, i tell her do not let a guy make her feel she has to have sex that is uncomfortable and doesnt seem normal because most likely he grew up watching porn or listening to his friends.i tell my 15 year old that if he ever looks at it(porn),do not think thats how sex is suppose to be with a woman and that real women do not do all that nasty stuff,and real women do not look that way.

      its such a shame,i feel bad for my kids generation the one before theirs and all the ones after theirs.

      you will one day find a good man kacey,just dont look,let him find you.there are lots of good men out there♥

    • Peter says:

      Kacey, Sharon is correct in that many men (the younger, the higher the percentage) feel that sex is an ENTITLEMENT. They have no clue perhaps, until they go thru life and discover the opposite. You are right to believe that sex is intimacy, touching, understanding and communicating. If with the right person, it doesn’t lose its exhiliration and — this may sound corny to some — capabilities of expressing deep and unconditional love. You will find someone. I am 61 and trust me, it can be a journey. Do not betray yourself, trust yourself and find ways to simply love life. Then, as Sharon noted, a nice guy will find you and both of you will be lucky because of it.

  7. Lu67 says:

    I am deffinatley at a crossroads with men and relationships. I’m 45, attractive,fit,smart, but not so much wealth due to lifestyle choices (life in the country). I do not have a problem meeting men. I am divorced with a son age 17 that lives with his dad. I meet men and they like me! I try to do the relationship thing. However, after being married for 20 years, and having to conform to someone else’s ideas, and needs, I’m just not willing to do it anymore. People find it strange and unimaginable that a “catch” like me doesn’t want to be caught. I’ve spent my whole life pleasing men. Fro
    My dad, to my first boyfriend at age 14, thru the married years. All pretty good men and pretty good relationships. But my identity gets tangled up in their energy. My spiritual goal is to be happy without anyone else defining me. I feel a bit selfish. But in the long run I feel that my compassion and ability to help others will grow with my self-sufficiency. Really, no one can save you from yourself. Smart people know this. So they don’t invest too much energy into the relationship myth. It’s nice if you can find someone to complement your life, which I’m open to, but never at the expense of my own peace of mind and sense of self.

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles
      says:

      Thanks for writing, Lu67. It’s a good goal to be happy without anyone else having to define you. It sounds as if you might have put too much of yourself in your relationships, being a pleaser, instead of truly finding someone to complement your life. I don’t think you should feel selfish at all that you’re taking time for yourself. Good luck!

    • Richard says:

      I appreciate what you’ve written, for it sounds a lot like the chorus I hear from women in your age group repeatedly. I’m 52, handsome, fit and financially independent. I prefer women +/- 5 yrs my age. But my experience with middle-aged women is that (1) they expect to be entertained at my expense; going dutch is fatal to further encounters; (2) they don’t want a long-term commitment; (3) they’re married to their careers and their lifestyle and can’t be bothered with making a guy a priority in their lives. I’ve speed dated and used meetup.com for opps to meet many women. We’ve dined, danced, talked and talked and talked. But my experience with middle-aged women is always the same. I’ve come to believe that I’m more of an adornment than a potential mate. Perhaps this is payback! As an aside, I’d like to also respond to the recurring complaint by women about how middle-aged guys seem to prefer to date women in their 30s. The reason is this: They’re still hopeful.

      • Lu67 says:

        Dear Richard, you replied to my comment specifically. I’m not sure if that is what you intended. If so, I would like to say that my hopelessness in regards to love is a personal expression of my path in life at the moment! I’m not speaking for the masses! Also, I would like to add too that from my experience of being single for the past 5 years going Dutch was a given be size the men I met couldn’t afford to treat me. So, it’s very hard to generalize when it comes to these things. Maybe middle-aged women just realize with time and age romantic live is kind of a myth, and the real deal requires sacrifice and saying no to all other choices. Personally, I was a faithful wife for nearly half of my years on earth, and it didn’t pan out. It was a huge investment that failed. It started out divine. Happiness is not wrapped up in o e package. I’m not hopeless, I’m an educated consumer. The current investment is me. Good luck.

      • Old while young says:

        “They’re still hopeful.”

        Now, why is that? What could it be that women at age 50 know that women age 30 do not yet?

        SURELY YOU AND ALL OTHER MEN CANNOT BE THIS STUPID
        ANSWER: That men will disappoint you

        So you look for younger women other men as stupid and worthless as you have not yet poisoned, so that YOU can BE FIRST to POISON them

        Not rocket science really.

    • sharon says:

      wow you seem like a smart woman,the whole package.some man will be lucky to be with you just the way you are and be happy with the relationship you have in mind.he will come along.hang in there.there are so many good men out there waiting for a woman like you♥

    • brad says:

      Why does it have to be so complicated? Why cant you just date men and have fun and enjoy life. I think everyone now days puts to many expectations on each other. All of us just need to lighten up and enjoy life and each other before its to late.

    • janie says:

      Lu67,
      Hi. I just wanted to comment that I’m in a similar situation. I am 45 and divorced. I have kept myself fit and attractive. Since my divorce, I wish I had a dollar for every time someone has made the “good catch” comment. It’s not so much that I don’t want to be “caught,” It’s just that, like you stated, I refuse to lose my identity, “peace of mind, and sense of self.” I sometimes feel lonely, but, I am happy and content with who I am. I will never give up who I am, even if it means giving up my dream of that white pickett fence.It’s Comforting to know that I have company in the crossroad. :)

      • OMGchronicles
        Twitter: OMGchronicles
        says:

        Thanks for writing, Janie. If you are indeed “happy and content” with who you are, you are doing great! Please don’t think you need to lose your identity, peace of mind and sense of self to be in a loving relationship. There are people (in your case and mine, men) who are seeking that, too. Forget the white picket fence and focus on having a relationship that gives you love, sex (hey, why not?) and companionship while also not demanding/expecting that you lose your identity. In fact, you most likely want a relationship that encourages you to expand your identity. That’s what you want (and deserve!). Go find it!

      • Peter says:

        Janie, you are so young, you will very, very likely find a guy — it could be years or a decade or more down the road — who will allow you to maintain AND further define your “identity, peace of mind and sense of self.” Any man or partner who seeks to deny you that has a real problem with insecurity and is not comfortable in his own skin. I think the fact that you pursue these attributes is a sign of confidence, clarity and open-mindedness — something any sincere guy would (or should) embrace.

  8. A Baldheaded Gentleman says:

    Honestly I’m about at my wits end with women in general. I am a 45 year old successful businessman, tall, work out and play sports regularly, a good listener, and have good manners, etc. Yet the only thing women my age seem to be concerned about these days is having a man with some “hair on his head.” Sorry, I apologize but both sides of my family are full of balding/bald-headed men. So naturally it was only a matter of time before I succumbed to this fate myself. I have been balding since my mid-20′s and am now nearly completely bald, with the exception of one “saturn ring of hair” right by my ears. I have tried many methods of meeting women, including online dating where I provide a current photo of myself BALD yet it is inevitable that the very first thing women say to me when we meet is “oh, you’re bald!” with a disappointing look on their face. I am afraid to get a hair transplant because of the common scarring issues but am seriously thinking about a toupee. Ideally, it would be nice to find a woman who actually preferred bald-headed gentlemen, but yeah right, that will never happen. Women have no idea how lucky they are not to have to deal with this issue.

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles
      says:

      I’m really surprised, A Baldheaded Gentleman, that so many women seem turned off by your lack of hair. Of the men I know who are bald, it doesn’t seem to have been a problem in their love life. It’s fine to get a toupee but I agree with you — it would be best to find a woman who, if not prefers bald men at least doesn’t care about baldness. I would never reject a man because of his hair of lack of hair, although, yes, I prefer men with hair. So, of course, my boyfriend has been shaving his entire head for the past year!!

      • PJay says:

        I have the opposite problem. Women know my baldness is a price I pay for my high-testosterone lifestyle. I am ok with it. The constant exhaustion, multiple sexual partners and constantly being pushed to explore and cross sexual boundaries that I had not experienced before – I am ok with it.

        The ladies know. It’s not a bald spot….it’s a solar panel on a High Performance Love Machine.

    • sharon says:

      hi A Baldheaded Gentleman,
      there are great looking bald men out there,like that host from deal or no deal ect….
      just try not to seem insecure about it(im not saying you do because i dont know)

      i just dont see why you would have a problem meeting women if you say
      “I am a 45 year old successful businessman, tall, work out and play sports regularly, a good listener, and have good manners, etc.”
      you dont say weather your attractive or not,but im going to assume you are,so maybe you are comming off a little insecure due to your lack of hair and you just dont relize it?if you are then that is a turn off.if thats not the problem,then im baffled because you seem to be what women want.
      i can see younger women(i would have in my younger years)
      maybe looking away at the lack of hair,like women under 35,but older then that i cant see it being a problem.

      women can be just as shallow as a man,we go for looks just as much as a man.
      a woman has to have an attraction for a man in someway before she will give him her time.only reason this is not the case is if the man has money,money is what attracts certain women no matter what the man looks like(think howard stern and beth,i read about them in an article recently?)

      but if your the things you said you are and your attractive or even just average then something else is going on,self esstem,personality something?you need to figure out what it is.good luck and go find that lucky lady who is waiting for you

    • Ev says:

      To a bald headed Gentlemen,
      I really doubt anyone will read this since it’s mostly from 2012. That being said of all the comments I’ve read this one captured my attention because you mention that women are not interested in bald men. First let me say my daughter has been with her boyfriend since she was a teen and at the time his hair was already reseeding; that has no baring on how she feels about him as a person. She is totally into him. Furthermore I just had a conversation with a friend who is my age and is dating guy your age and has dated bald men for as long as I’ve known her. Her thing is as long as he’s healthy, in shape, self sufficient and willing to enjoy life baldness does not factor in. Now that I’ve said all that I must say I’m a 53 year old female, divorced, not in the best of health working hard on it and going bald. How many men do you know would be willing to date a balding woman. Five years ago I was running a gym for a friend working out daily and feeling great. When he lost the gym I lost my free pass but I still walked and worked out at home until my health became an issue. My point is someone will be attracted to you eventually she just hasnt found you. Me on the other hand I will continue to take care of myself and am confident that I may at least date again. If the lack of a full head of hair scares a man away well hello next guy that will date me.

      • OMGchronicles
        Twitter: OMGchronicles
        says:

        Ev, thanks for sharing your story. I agree that for most of us, a man’s baldness is nothing. A woman’s baldness … that’s a horse of a different color. That said, that shouldn’t stop people from putting themselves out there. A great smile, positive energy, charm and smarts goes a long way. Good luck to you on your health and other things!

    • Jane Matheson says:

      To Baldheaded Gentleman

      I think baldheaded men are attractive and certainly there’s nothing wrong with being bald. Just by reading your comments, I think you are indeed a gentleman and deserves a woman who will love you as you are. Don’t change anything about yourself and don’t even think about getting a toupee. If a woman can’t see you for your ‘true self’ then she’s not even worth the time and day. You don’t have to impress anyone, just being yourself is all that you need to be.

      • Mary says:

        This reply is late; but, I too wanted to share with Baldheaded Gentleman,
        One of my brothers was bald by the age of 30; but, he overcame any sense of this as a drawback and is one of the most confident men/people I know. He married a beautiful lady, a true sister in our family, who is 6’2″ to his 5’9″.
        I experienced a powerful mutual attraction with a bald man following a difficult divorce which I had not chosen . . . an attraction not acted upon. I share this only to say that many women quickly see beyond looks to the mix of qualities which makes for a desirable friend/companion/mate. That inexplicable bond which initiates us into love. While we did not act upon that compelling attraction [too soon following divorce for both of us, and our friendship to protect] his baldness is somehow part of the total package which makes him very attractive to many. Women are drawn to him, some men feel threatened.
        I don’t seek men who are bald; but, I like a natural look and a confident, not cocky, bearing . . . people, men and women, who move with grace and evidently like themselves. I can think of several men in my small town who are bald and quite attractive.
        I believe that a toupee is a mistake, even worse was the old way of brushing hair over the top from the sides. I’m glad that we are beyond that in our culture!
        I think that you’ll find someone wonderful who does not really even see the baldness after knowing you, or immediately loves the way you look as you are. You sound kind, considerate and aware. These and other qualities you mentioned will stand you in good stead.

    • Notdoneyetat37 says:

      Baldheaded Gentleman – Don’t despair, there are women out there that like bald men. The men in my family are bald and handsome! I understand that it can be discouraging at times esp. because there aren’t too many “healthy” options for hair replacement and you feel like people are judging you based on this one physical trait. I am curious to know if you have tried owning the look by shaving your head completely? There are so many amazing men out there (think actors like Jason Statham or Sean Connery) that are sexy and bald! Maybe a British accent would be good for your first impression arsenal? ;) Seriously keep your chin up! In my younger days I thought that I wouldn’t be attracted to a short man. I have come to realize it’s actually all about chemistry and connecting on a deeper level. Best of luck in finding your special someone that will adore you exactly as you are!

      • OMGchronicles
        Twitter: OMGchronicles
        says:

        You are so sweet with your encouragements! Thank you being here and being you, Notdoneyetat37
        .

  9. Cana6124 says:

    There is nothing sexier than a fit, confident, masculine, mature bald male. With a bit of facial hair even if is graying, i melt personally . Say goodbye to the Saturn ring though – nothing worse is my opinion. My breakthrough appreciating bald men happened at 48 so perhaps try to avoid younger women. Focus on your upper body strength and obvious protective capacities. Don’t let anyone make you feel less manly than a guy with hair.

  10. Helen says:

    I am a 50 year old woman with 2 grown children 2 at home. Yes I am still married, sigh, but only because I gave up my career to take care of my family. My husband has always put himself first, he is sullen, and very passisive aggressive. We have not had sex in months because I feel that again he is using me for his needs. It does it feel like love but someone using me for their own gratification. I have had to really see him for what he is the last two weeks. Due to a hurricane our electricity was stopped and as date would have if I caught the flu and on top of it I hurt my knee trying to get around anyway he could not give up one day of overtime at work. I had no heat it was very cold. I had two children with me. He worked overtime the first three days of the power outage. That was when I needed him. By day 4 he took a day off. Really to rest up so he could get more money making days in. He got us all set up with a generator ran around all the while I am lauded up on the sofa. He did not spend more than 5 minutes with me. When he did come over he would say very gruff with a long drawn face”do you want anything”. It has turned my heArt to stone towards him. This behavior is nothing new. It has occurred over and over for 25 years. Never visited my mother or father while they were dying. I took care of my mother would drive over to care for her zoom back home and then care for my damily after the birth if my children he always would go off and get himself food. Would talk about the food he was gonna get. How hungry he was. Oblivious to the fact of the physical condition I was in. You are probably asking why would I marry and stay with this heartless soul. Well my father was very abusive my mother also. This was the lot in life I thought I deserved. He has never
    Hit me but I feel abused just as if my father hit me. I married someone exactly like my parents. I have kept the same pattern going. I am done with men. I am done with my so called husband. I am here but I am not grew. I go through the motions. I used to be a fun care free girl. I was the girl who used to laugh the easiest. Reached out to others. Had friends. He has no friends and hardly talks to his family. It is difficult to do this every day. My take on the men I have known in my life. Is that they are selfish, not a ounce if empathy, just care about food and sex. Use women. I don’t even glance at men. I font care how good looking to me they are the same breed. My perfect life would be no men in it

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles
      says:

      Helen, I am sorry that you are in a clearly unhappy unhealthy marriage. Have you given up working on the marriage and, if so, why do you stay?

    • sharon says:

      there are many many great men out there to just give up on them,but first you need to build up your self esteem and support your self and get out.you are way to young to live that kind of life.
      your children reguardless of how old they are need to see you respect your self not to be treated that way and that there is world out there that can and is happy,you should be breaking this family pattern of abuse weather it is physical,verbal,emotional,finacial not only for yourself but your kids.

      there is plenty of assistance out there to help,use it.

    • Yvonne says:

      You need to muster some physical and emotional strength and figure out what it will take to make you happy. Then do it for yourself. Might take a number of baby steps but over time life will improve and he will get the message.

      I had the same kind of life as you have now. Once the kids got old enough I made the decision that I would rather live in a tent than continue to live as I had. Once he figured out that I was halfway out the door he perked up. I am of the “take it or leave it” mode now because I really am a pretty nice person and have given alot of myself to my family. Time to give something to yourself.

      You only have one life and no one cares as much about you, as you should care about yourself. Even the kids will leave and assume their own life, as they should. Then what? You are stuck with a deadbeat for what little time you have left. Get with it today! Quit focussing on what you don’t have because of him – or anybody for that matter!

    • agirl says:

      Im no psychologist, but I was also a victim of child abuse much like Helen, and I think she does the same exact thing that I do; anything a man does, good or bad, we can use against them because our minds perceive it as bad. It is possible her husband was doing well by working hard and putting in a generator, but Helen could only feel a sense of abandonment and hurt. She doesnt mean to. Meanwhile the husband could be weary of trying to make her happy and its never worked, so he is grumpy often. A man getting hungry also could have been perfectly normal, but she couldnt help but feeling unloved. She may be so wounded that she does not know how to receive love, which in turn pushes it away. I am 29 and I am unable to receive or give love, maybe Helen has the same difficulties stemming from childhood trauma.

  11. Whatnow says:

    I feel sorry for Helen’s husband. Wife not working, 2 grown children at home and works overtime, probably to make ends meet. The power goes out and he gets a generator to get the power back on for his family and this woman does nothing but complain online. Well there are 2 sides to every story. I’m sure when he was young he was carefree and happy also. You call him passive aggressive and looks at you with a long face. He is probably tired of having a selfish and uncaring wife! Like I said, there are 2 sides to every story. Do him and yourself a favor and get out of his life. I’m sure he will be better off finding someone who will appreciate him.

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles
      says:

      Of course there are two sides to every story, Whatnow, so instead of feeling sorry for Helen’s husband — or her — we should hope that they find the strength and vocabulary to be honest with and kind to each other.

  12. Sunnyreina says:

    I can relate to Helen. However I worked and took care of our children, home and him. He worked full time and its as though I were a stay at home mom. I worked nights to feed our children and take care of them. He “took care” of them at night while they were sleeping. If I didn’t work the children abd I would starve! I once was without a job and I asked him for money for groceries. He wouldn’t give me any. Not even to feed his starving children! I hated him with all my soul. I’d say to myself how can anyone let their own children starve while he buys his food and eats it in front of us! Of course this story continues ….

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles
      says:

      Sunnyreina, a person who would treat his/her own children that way is not someone you’d want to be in a relationship with; that’s just cruel. I hope you and you children are in a healthier, happier place.

    • sharon says:

      i hope you got rid of that looser?

  13. June price says:

    I am a 58 year old divorced female and will tell the truth. I am fat and ugly. Basically that is why I cannot have a relationship with a man. I used to be attractive but after divorcing, bringing up two daughters, working full time to support my family and pay a mortgage and having two relationships where I was dumped for no reason other than the men wanted to play the field, I am over it all and have grown fat and frumpy because I am lonely and depressed. I know men do not want me so I don’t even try. They look at me like I should not show my face anywhere, like I am blocking their view of the pretty, younger women and should be at home with the cat. Men my age have been ignoring me for years, except to insult me and spend their time flirting with much younger women only to then complain how they cannot find a woman when these young women rightfully reject them. Men are too picky when it comes to looks. I can look great and yes, even sexy but not when I feel like a piece of crap which I am made to feel like because I am over 50 and over the hill. Yes I have given up and it shows, a catch 22. I was hopeful at first but as the years went by, I have realised that is just plain deluded.

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles
      says:

      I’m sorry to hear your pain June. If you “feel like a piece of crap” you are not in a place to be in a relationship. I hope you get to a place where you love yourself for you — who you are, what you stand for, what you do — and not how others perceive you. Over 50 is only “over the hill” if you yourself believe it. Love yourself.

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles
      says:

      June, if you feel fat and ugly others will see you that way, too. If we look to others to make us feel not alone and not depressed, we’re in trouble. If you’re willing to look good for yourself — no one else — it still may not guarantee anyone will be attracted to you that way, but at least you won’t feel fat and ugly. You will love yourself. And that’s always attractive. Thanks for writing.

    • sharon says:

      wow june,i know women in your age range who are dating,commited or have gotten married.they were once married,now divorced.one is my step mother in law.her husband left her with their 4 kids,their kids were older 17 19 21 24.
      she was just a bar tender in a small town tavern but she pulled through.

      she is not a pretty woman and she is not ugly either and she was a little more then over weight when she met my father in law but she was not fat,i would say she was chunky and my father inlaw was/is crazy over her because of her personality.
      they been together 20 years,she is much heavier now,but he still loves and adores her.
      the other women i mention are average women,they are not considered pretty nor are they ugly and none of them are skinny,but they are not fat and the men they have attracted are good guys and they are happy.

      you do not seem happy with yourself and you sound depressed.you really need to get off your butt and take care of yourself.you have no reason to be fat.why do you want to be?you dont and you know it.so get off your lazy butt and loose the weight,go out and hang with friends even if you dont want to,do it anyway once or twice a week,go volunteer at a animal shelter ,go do these things for one month just because im asking you to.and if you dont feel at least half better then you feel now then you can tell me to go to hell and kiss your fat a$$.
      but if you do feel at least 30% better and lost at least 3 pounds then you have to keep going for another month,by the end of that second month i gaurantee you will feel happy again,you will feel your self essteem returning and you will be losing weight.do this for you not a man,but i can tell you in time you will notice men looking at you and before you know it,some lucky guy will snatch you up.

      its up to you,you can lay on your fat butt and keep getting fatter and depressed and watch your life pass you by or you can do something about it and take a chance on getting healthier,making friends and possibly if your open to it dating again.your to young to give up
      xoxo

    • brad says:

      You need to bring back that self esteem and get involved in something beyond yourself that has passion. You are in control of your life and where you head ion the future. Come up with a plan and choose a path of happiness and success.

    • Helen says:

      I too can feel your pain and I agree with you. Men are only interested in looks and think with their penis. My ex husband wanted me to be overweight and dress frumpy so that other men would not look at me, yes, I know, it’s strange.
      However, do not despair, it’s not to late to lose weight and get into shape. You need a personal trainer and good nutrition. All the best!!!

  14. Loving Life says:

    I think it is very unfortunate that so many women chose the wrong husbands. What did you not see early on? I’ve been with my husband since I was 14. We spent a couple of years apart to date other people but we finally married when I was 20. I’m in my mid-40′s, our kids are teens and we couldn’t have more fun or happiness together. We’ve had our ups and downs, particularly in the early days. We didn’t have kids right away and our relationship has always been the priority. We both have great careers and work on our family as a team. Why would anyone settle for any less? Life is way too short to not live and love to the fullest. You have to put each other first. The kids will be fine not being on a pedestal. Send them to bed, send them to grandma’s and cultivate your relationship. The reward is happiness and a loving partner when the kids are gone and you have each other. In the end, your kids have a great example of a loving marriage.

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles
      says:

      You ask good questions, Loving Life — why would anyone “settle for any less,” indeed. I don’t have the answer for that although I imagine many (some? a few?) are marrying the person with whom he/she will make a future. Am I wrong?

  15. Claire says:

    I look at it from a financial perspective. I simply can’t afford to get remarried unless it was someone who is 10 years younger than me, healthy, and wealthy. The odds of that are very slim. I was married for 13 years and so I can claim on my ex-husband’s social security when I reach retirement age, which will be probably twice what I can get on my own record due to recession and underemployment. If I remarry, I would either have to divorce before 60 to get that, or hope that guy I married has a similar earnings record. Plus, I had so much debt from caring for our daughter that I am still paying off that the idea of taking on a spouse and their financial obligations and risks (yes HIGH risks) is not worth it to me. I can love someone without being married to them and having to pay their medical bills. My ex is remarried and his new wife is now taking care of him and his father who are both aging and getting sick. I wouldn’t be in her shoes for anything. She doesn’t work. My guess is that he’ll die before they hit 10 years of marriage to qualify for his SS, she’ll get left with medical bills, a huge mortgage, and no income – after sacrificing her life to care for them. This is a pretty average story for women in their later years. It’s simply not worth it.

    • sharon says:

      this is just how it is for many people.but dont let it stop you from being commited and one day falling in love one day♥

  16. SingleLady says:

    I’m not ‘done’ with men. They seem to be done with me. I can’t get a single man within my age range to notice me to save my life. They look through me as though I were a pane of glass or something. I don’t want some octogenerian looking for a nurse, and I don’t want to be a cougar and date men in their 20s or 30s because I want to get married ant those guys just want to play games. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong that the men my age range don’t seem to think I’m good enough for them. I’m supposed to not care, I know, but I do care…and it’s just embarrassing to think I’m still single and alone at 52…and more than likely will be alone for the rest of my life. All I need is one guy that’s it. I don’t understand why it’s so difficult.

    • Lauren Cohne says:

      I feel exactly the same way. And I’m only 48! And thin!! Healthy! I look good for 48 but I am not young. Can’t date. Never get past the first date….

  17. Cindie says:

    I am petite, AA, well-employed (close to retirement), with a grown daughter and a home of my own. I’m “done” with men, because they are “done” with me. Black women are “the least desirable” females on the planet….so we are constantly told, and not “good enough” to have “real relationships” with. I can’t date anyone who doesn’t want to date me, and I have high standards.

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles
      says:

      And you should have high standards. But I hope that doesn’t mean you’re giving up on all men because some men want something other than a petite black woman; you obviously wouldn’t want those men, either, so no great lose there! Maybe keeping yourself open to the possibility is a more positive way of approaching things than giving up. There are good people out there; we just need to keep showing up. Good luck, and thanks for writing.

  18. Andy Aitch says:

    Girls, or should that be ladies? Whatever! The point I’d like to make is that people need people, and this includes men needing women needing men.

    But let’s be honest here, as we get older (and I’m a man in my early 50s now), it’s not so much about infatuation and lust as it was back in the day, but more to do with a deeper connection, that being companionship, camaraderie (hope that’s not a really OLD word lol), and a much more deeper kind of love and affection for one another.

    So, IMHO, middle-aged women aren’t done with men, or visa-versa, and if they think they are, they probably shouldn’t be. Variety is the spice of life at any age, and the quality of our lives is based on the quality of our relationships. If any man – or woman – isn’t connecting with members of the opposite sex, then it’s my guess they’re trying to connect with those folks that are simply not right for them ;)

    Andy Aitch

  19. James says:

    I’m a middle aged man. My wife of 20 years divorced me because she felt she was neglected. She had a list of complaints that amounted to garden variety wife complaints. It was a strange accusation because I spent time every day listening to all of her problems. I loved spending time with her. We went on dates all the time, and she was very enthusiastic about our intimate life.
    Her request for a divorce was a complete shock to me, and she wouldn’t consider marriage counseling or any alternative.
    I started dating and I naturally tried to date women close to my own age. It stuck me as silly to date women decades younger than me. Oddly I’m being forced into doing just that.
    I’ve been amazed to hear a series of middle aged women tell me that they divorced their husbands of 20 years for exactly the same reasons my wife divorced me. They, however, act like I’m the most exciting man they’ve ever met. It causes me to wonder if my ex wife met their former husband would she find him to be the most exciting man she’s ever met? Yet, how can I be so wonderful, when my wife left me for the same reasons these women left their husbands? I don’t see the difference between he and I. These women are strangely willing to overlook the fact that I have all the same bad habits as their ex husband.
    I have no idea what this means, or what it says about female midlife crisis. What I do know is that they’ve proven themselves to be remarkably short sighted, selfish and immature. My children have suffered horribly because of our divorce. It has caused them to question everything about their childhoods. (They thought things were great.) These women have jacked up the lives of their children and their flawed but loyal husbands for what appears to be an “Eat, Pray, Love” fantasy.
    I would never get involved with one of these women. They have no character.
    So, I’m stuck dating women much younger women.
    It’s very strange.

    • capitalidea says:

      Your observations are pretty much on the mark, James. You made me laugh !!!
      I am a 53 yo lady, My husband left our marriage 10 years ago, I was shattered but what could I do? If he was not happy – he was not happy…… I got on with my life, worked hard paid off a small home and raised and educated our daughter, who has gone interstate with her career. Was too busy working and tired to ‘date’. Now, 10 years later it is my turn, if I meet someone nice then great. There is no such thing as the flawless partner, you are right, James……. and good luck !
      Kerrie – Australia

  20. michelle says:

    I’ve now reached the age of 50 and since I was about 48 I’ve now become invisible. I’m relatively physically fit as I cycle 5 days a week and occasionally exerecise but no matter how much moisturiser I plaster on it doesn’t take the years away. I’ve had people drive past make a good comment and then say nice body but a ‘horrible’ face. I’ve had the next door neighbour make a comment in ear shot when I was in the garden say quote, She wouldn’t be a bad looking bird if she didn’t have such a horrible face. He was 23. Slowly it’s chipped away at my self confidence and I find myself thinking , yes, I’m old obviously, it’s all over. Mentally, I don’t feel any different but I find because I’m seen as passed it, I dont feel sexually attractive anymore and so have lost interest in sex. The only positive thing about being a women in this situation is that you can try to become interested in other things besides sex and become a more mentally interesting.

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles
      says:

      I’m sorry that you have had to endure those sorts of comments. I though our eyesight got worse around midlife just so we couldn’t see each other’s wrinkles and sags! In truth, you wouldn’t want to be with men who said things like that. So, please don’t listen to what some jerks say; just continue to feel good about yourself and sexy, while also pursuing other interests. That attitude is a happier and healthier one, regardless if you’re partnered or not. Stay strong!

  21. Roy says:

    I think what this article tells men is simple – if you want to have a relationship and you want children then fine, go for it – but don’t whatever you do get married !

    There is literally zero upside to you in getting that marriage certificate and there is a high probability at some point that she is going to want out, even if you are a good guy.

    The message couldn’t be clearer.

  22. Judy says:

    Women in their 50s know more about who they are and what they want then they did when they got married the first time. They’ve grown up. I know many women who are unhappy in their long-term marriages but they stay with these men because they have children and living on one income is pretty tough these days. I am not one of them. I’m a single parent whose husband left 9 years ago and am raising two teenagers who take up much of my time. I did date for years, but have never found someone who fit what I have come to expect in someone that I could love – respect, interest, humor, financial security, physical attraction – and most important not boring. I don’t know if I will spend the rest of my life alone but I would not be surprised if I do. It’s lonely sometimes – yes it is Saturday night and I sit here on this web site – but there are two young people who depend upon me for their emotional health and love and security. I am their rock. I have a decent job and a career that is sometimes fulfilling. Is this all that there is? I hope not.

    • capitalidea says:

      Judy, I know EXACTLY where you are coming from. My husband left 10 years ago and it was all up to me to provide home education and stability. And funnily enough Saturday night for me too. I am 53 and now alone, so now it is time for me I guess. Everyone says it is truly difficult to find someone to make a good partner. Will do all the things that I would like to do now, and if a good man comes my way that is a bonus. We do our best for our children. Now it is time for us. Cheers Kerrie

  23. don says:

    Interesting reading, i’m 58, 6 years ago i took up with a lady 52,we both have children from previous relationships.

    The problems we have had are from one of her sons and his relationships, maybe i’m wrong but i got *issed off hearing about her manchild who’s 28 years of age?

    If you want a relationship in later years, you have to commit to the relationship as you would as a youngster, then we have the fact that older women generally have grandkids, they become the doting granny, they forget about the relationship they are in.

    No wonder older men look to get in relationships with younger women, the reason is that they know what we need, that’s WHY i’ve walked away from my ‘older’ woman, she didn’t fulfill my needs.

    Sorry if this offends anyone but it’s MY truth.

  24. Matt says:

    “I wish he would just have an affair” god just reading that I became so angry, I know it’s the title of a refered article. So that’s it then, after years of hard work the man is left finally tired from toil to a wife who pushes him away emotionally hoping he’ll cheat just so she’s has an excuse to divorce and take half of the money she probably didnt earn or else she would just have left. This is a sick sick idea, you women should be ashamed of yourselves, if you really don’t enjoy the blessing a hard working man brings then by all means leave the dinner table…without the doggie bag ladies

  25. TheTruth says:

    well now i know why the Lesbian population has increased.

  26. Heidi says:

    Really interesting reading…..none of it offensive btw. I don’t mind men or women airing their frustrations or their personal truths.

    For those that feel unattractive….I am sorry and hope you climb out of that sadness.

    I have been married for over 20 years. Not attractive, not ugly. Sex life is non existent and I DO crave sex….just not with my husband whom I find really NOT sexy in the least. He is not physically fit for sex, meaning last time we did, he had to stop abruptly and quickly after we started because he didn’t feel good. That was about a year ago. He yells and acts as if he doesn’t like me at all. Treats me as if I have no brains when in fact I am well educated and have a lot of common sense. I get tired of being treated as an inferior.

    After reading all the posts for what they are I see that his side of the story would be mich different. He would likely say that I have too many outside interests, am cold and untouchable. It is really frustrating.

    Why do I stay? I don’t know…..we have a child at home for one more year till she leaves for college. It seems so daunting too…..finding my own place, giving up my sweet puppy-dogs (he would surely keep them), just striking out on my own at my age (49)….seems so scary.

  27. OMGchronicles
    Twitter: OMGchronicles
    says:

    Heidi,
    So sorry it’s taken me so long to respond.
    Everything can seem scary, but what’s the cost of buying into that? We stay stuck because the known is easier than the unknown. OK, but is that what you want in life?
    Please don’t see this as me saying, get out now; if you think you can find a way to rediscover the sexiness of your husband, if you think he can find a way to see you as other than “cold and untouchable,” who knows — you might reinvent yourselves. If you think you can make it work, go for it; it only takes one to start something (as long as you realize after a point, it needs to be reciprocal).
    Divorce can be hard, but so is being in an unhappy, sexless marriage. Just think of what your daughter is experiencing (and I would have a good, long talk with her; she probably will offer a bit of a wake-up call if she is honest with you).
    Don’t let fear guide your decisions; listen to your hearty and gut. They are much more honest than fear.
    Please let me know how things go. I’m wishing the best for you!

  28. Karl says:

    Dogs, cats, horses for physical touch and affection. Kids, grandkids, girlfriends for the gamut of social interaction and relational interaction. Work for validation. Lemme see, what’s the man for? Yes to the guy, talk, talk talk. God help us if we’re, fit, intelligent, romantic. Fact is, we’d get along great with women our age if only we weren’t so male.

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles
      says:

      I happen to like that males are males; when I want female energy, I hang with my galfriends. Thanks for commenting.

  29. I hate to break this to the women, but once a women hits 30, there marketability in single scene starts to diminish radically with men there own age, who naturally prefer women younger than them. Men in there 30′s prefer women in there 20′s, men in there 40′s prefer women in there 30′s, etc. When you start reaching 50′s a lot of men are married, divorced and don’t trust women anymore because of the raw deal he got from the divorce trail or have died off because of workplace injury, war, or accidents, etc.

    What is concerning is that all of these single aging women going into there 60′s and 70′s are going to create a huge economic drag on our economy and already bankrupt government. Even if women are done with middle aged men, they still need them to be doing the lion shares of the work in the economy and pay the taxes to fund the government socialist programs that benefit women at the expense of men.

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles
      says:

      Thanks for commenting Johnny, but you are hardly telling women anything they haven’t experienced first-hand.
      That said, almost all of my 50-something friends are happily partnered with 50-something men (and one 40-something), and two just got engaged. Some men may want younger women and that’s fine as we’re not interested in them either, so it works out well for everyone, but other men believe what Louis C.K. says: “You’re not a woman until people come out of your vagina and step on your dreams.” They like smart and seasoned women, not girls.
      Since women live longer than men (not necessarily our choice, but biology, and men shouldn’t complain because we we care for our husbands until they die and then have no one to care for us), yes, there will always be more of us in old age. Are you planning to care for your mom like she cared for you as a boy? I sure hope so, especially since you’re worried about her being a “huge economic drag on our economy and already bankrupt government.”

  30. Phil says:

    In my experience many middle-aged women on first encounters still seem to behave as if they think they are as sexually desirable as a young woman. They act coy and wait for you to call; they think they are really desirable. Bah. Those patterns won’t work anymore.

    Most middle aged women look like bags of sand when compared to a healthy woman under 40yo. This is reality so women need to make it easier for men and forget the old mind games that work for an 18yo beauty. Looks are important to men on first meeting. Biology is cruel but we’re stuck with it. I think it has much more to do with the raw sexual attractiveness of youth than a man’s self-image though obviously that’s a factor for those seeking a “trophy” partner. Young women simply cause older sluggish penises to jump to vertical attention.

    It’s attitude too. Young women are generally positive, energetic, and can actually be impressed. Older women tend to be more accomplished and worldly but jaded, generally unimpressed by men as a point of ego or political correctness and bitter from bad experiences. As people age they tend to filter their talk less and carry more emotional baggage hence the stereotype of the nagging shrew, unfortunately all too commonly encountered in reality.

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles
      says:

      Phil, you sound somewhat jaded, sorry. My middle-aged female friends are not only sexier, smart and more confident than young women, but they are most certainly not “bags of sand.” They bike, hike, run, and care for their body. Biology may be important if you want to have kids, but after that …
      Since you’re generalizing, I see a lot of out-of-shape, boring middle-aged men; many just can’t keep up withe the energy the women have. And carrying baggage knows no age or gender; we’re all sort of walking wounded. By middle-age, many have addressed those issues face on; the young? Not so much; more self-absorption than self-awareness, as is appropriate for that age.

      • Phil says:

        Spoken like a middle aged woman: “My middle-aged female friends are not only sexier, smart and more confident than young women”. Oh right. Sexier than all those hot young women? That’s very doubtful, unless you’re friends with Michelle Pfeiffer. We’d all like to believe the best about our own demographic and it can be hard to see fault when we’re part of it.

        “I see a lot of out-of-shape, boring middle-aged men.” Of course. But that’s another discussion altogether.

        • OMGchronicles
          Twitter: OMGchronicles
          says:

          Well, touche. But, you have to define sexy. Do middle-aged women have the same bodies as 20-somethings? Not quite, even those of us who work out, eat right and stay fit. But a body alone does not make a woman sexy. Confidence, brains, a sharp wit, a flirtatious demeanor — all of those go much farther in creating allure, mystery and, yes, sexiness (think Helen Mirren). Those women often attract much younger men (or smart men their own age) who are tired with the drama, insecurities and self-absorption of women their own age or younger. Obviously, that’s not every woman at midlife; some are jaded, some have let themselves go, etc. etc. so I am not saying it’s occurring across the board. Still, I see and know many more attractive and interesting single middle-aged women than middle-aged men in the SF Bay Area. Much may depend on where you live.

  31. Jan says:

    Phil sounds like some one I work with, my work colleague laughs and jokes with me and then refers to my age (57) as though I grew up on a differant planet. He is 47 and he is married as am I. Since hitting menopause I have found a new strength and confidence I really feel like nothing can stop me doing anything I want to. I use make up and varnish my nails, which I must admit I hadn’t done for years and even though I am out of shape I am losing weight and getting into shape, I have started to listen to music again, his attitude seems to be and he has said this ‘do you know how old you are’ it has knocked my confidence at times and has made me question my behaviour. Even so if we are working together we get on fine, it’s as though he needs to pigeon hole me and not recognise me as an individual he may like. This is not unusual as in my experience if you seem younger in attitude and then your age is realised you are made to feel like you are cheating and that you should have your age stamped across your forehead. I am enjoying my life and doing things that I haven’t done in years and even though my husband is suffering from illness and that our sex life is zero I am discovering sex toys which I must admit are at times better than the real thing! That’s something that I never believed I would ever try.

  32. Paula says:

    I apologize for this rather late posting but I’ve only just encountered this site.

    First, I just turned 55 (whoo hoo!) and have never been married and have no children. However, all of my friends and most of my siblings have been, or still are, married with children. I’ve been fortunate to have been included as a favorite aunt in all of their lives and never felt I’ve missed anything, especially since I’ve received promises that I’ll always be cared for in my ‘old age’. LOL!

    Second, I state honestly that I’m no beauty and I no longer have the body I had at 25; however, I do think I’m attractive. Maybe that’s it! In addition, I make a point of smiling, it does great things for our facial muscles, and I think it makes us a bit more approachable. I wish I could tell you how often conversations have been started with someone, men included, simply because of a smile. I hear often, “What a lovely smile, please don’t lose it!” or “You just made my day!”, even “Thank you for sharing your ‘happy’ with me.” I don’t look to date men younger than myself, but it was very interesting to be asked out recently by two men under 35. I went home and pulled out my moisturizer to see if a new ingredient had been added… perhaps a pheromone or two that I missed in the ingredients list.

    Finally, I write all of this to say… I’m no more special than any other woman. And, yes, I have some of the same angst we all have of getting older… I say embrace it and just see what happens! Let’s make it a bit easier for those around us to see us for who we really are – wonderful, capable, exciting, inviting, and strong women!

  33. Phil says:

    I’ve read that, statistically, people of both genders usually overrate their own sexual attractiveness a little. I imagine it’s a defense that helps our confidence. Less is not more on the mating battlefield.

  34. Linda says:

    I am a 50 year old divorced, (then my ex shortly thereafter died). He had drinking problems that I couldn’t deal with and didn’t want to put my two children, then 5 and 8 through his drinking binges, etc. That was many years ago (almost 14 years now). My children are now grown and “leaving the nest”. I am successful in my work as an RN and this much I don’t want to change. However, I continually ask myself ‘Is this all there is, is there nothing else in life, will I grow old alone? I have had the same thought come into my mind for some time now. Sometimes I feel like I just want to leave, move, start over, and maybe at some point, find someone special. I’m not looking for marriage, but someone close. Someone who is chivalrous, caring, loving. I don’t see any man out there like this any more. It seems they are extinct. I’m not really “hunting”, just thinking that somewhere along the line, I might meet someone special. I am casually dating a doctor from where I work, however, he is from a foreign country and is ultra conservative in every respect. He is very rich, which doesn’ t much matter to me. I’ve made my own way and I don’t and could never be “a kept woman”. He is very “homebodyish”, he never goes anywhere and for whatever reason, he is very tight fisted. I don’t want gifts or anything like that, I just want some emotion, of which I see very little from him. I’m just saying, Is this all there is? Sometimes I think about just taking off, leaving everything behind. Just taking what I can carry, get in my car and just end up in some small seaside town where I can just chill out and enjoy the quiet and peace and serenity. However, I guess, in my older years, I’m still looking for the dream. Whatever that may be. Does any of this make any sense to you all, or am I just being crazy here??? Any thoughts would be welcome. I feel very alone and undecided about the second phase of my life.

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles
      says:

      Linda, thanks for sharing your story.
      I’m sorry to hear of your losses and confusion; midlife is full of both and then some!
      I don’t believe in a “is this all there is?” mentality. It is what we make it to be; no one makes it for us.
      So, perhaps you do need to pamper yourself a bit — if you’re just becoming an empty-nester, then you should feel good about the fact that you raised your kids and helped launch them. After all those years of care-giving, now it’s time to care-give yourself. You now have the freedom, time and energy to think about what you want the next decades to look like; I hope you explore that with gusto!
      And you don’t have to have the answers — you just have to be open to the possibilities.

  35. paul says:

    human beings,be it male or female seem to always blame one or the other for the demise of the relationship,i am 48 and am recently divorced. i like to look at things by using common sense and simple math. FEMINISM,SOCIAL MEDIA,BAD ECONOMY,PHILOSOPHICAL DIFFERENCES,ALL play into this,MEN can have mental ,physical, and emotional changes with age.BUT WOMEN have way more HORMONAL issues which play upon there emotional,phyisical and mental outlook from a young age.i watched perimenapause turn my wife into a complete one way that blamed ME for everything that was wrong with our 10 yr relationship (married 7).i took a biz.she had from a floundering money losing mess to a profitable and flourishing one,then she pushed me out and took all the credit,hell , she wasnt even going to take the biz.from her x ,i talked her into taking it.and now after her midlife fling with a 21 yr. old employee that caused demise and 3rd man from a dating site she is now goin on 50 in dec.been paying rent for a year and a half and in debt. out her ass.pure selfishness when the estrogen stops flowing.she is a beautiful women but with a guy that claims to b loaded and is about as attractive as a mudd fence.when it comes down to it ,most women pick financial stature over LOVE AND COMPANIONSHIP and being comfortable . HELL i sometimes wish i were a good looking women,i would parlay it into $$$$$. by the way ,he works 4 her LMAO .i know i watched her turn into someone that i didnt even know.so now ,all i have to choose from in my age group is the same thing i divorced.and in divorces 9 times out of 10 ,the women ends up financially better off ,and bragg about how independent they are.LMAO ,ofcoarse ,u got the house ,the kidz,the 401 k ,child support,alimony the vehicles etc. need i say more.if they arent crazy when you get with them ,they will be when they hit midlife .

  36. you ought to be ashamed says:

    FTA: “I keep wondering if this is all there is.”

    This is quite possible the most retarded thing I have ever read.
    Yes, yes that’s “all” there is and be grateful. Most women in the world are starving to death, fending off rebels/war/disease, others are living a life of subjugation, some get attacked with acid for refusing to be forced into marriage. Yet, here this one is complaining because life has become habitual. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

  37. AL Clouston says:

    As a man who sees women in all their beauty in the later part of their life, the opening to this blog comes across as women being just plain ‘bored’ with the men they share a living space with. That’s kind of a sad, but reakistic state to be in.

    As a man – who because of the loss of my partner through bereavement – has been without a woman in my life for about five years now, I have learned the hard way about what it means to be older. much more mature emotionally (hopefully) and what it means to have an other half in one’s life.

    I am presently living and working in a different culture which bases marriage and being together as a societal and emotionally stable state to be in; the values and expectations just seem to be so different, and where interestingly, private life really is a private affair and not some kind of ‘peep show’ as in out Western culture of show and tell all as much as possible on Television and Films. The message I get there is one of ‘emotional stability’ in a partnership – and I’ve had people tell me this in this culture.

    I agree with a previous post which points out that ‘western’ values put too much emphasis on the ‘lust’ side of things – largely fuelled by the very western pre occupation with porn. Expectations are far too unrealistic too as to what relationships should be. There is far to much emotional immaturity in our very western culture at this time and that lies to some extent at the heart of the subject of this very good blog.

    Maybe there is a lesson to be learned from other cultures?

    To me as a middle aged man there is nothing more priceless than to be held in a woman’s arms and to be told,

    ‘I want you, I love you and you are the person I want to be with…’

    To me there is nothing better in life and that takes learning and going through quite a lot of living and experience to get to that stage.

    Amazing.

  38. Jen says:

    Al your post is wonderful. That’s the kind of maturity middle aged women are looking for. A man who appreciates emotional bonds. I wonder what culture/country you are referring to?

  39. Lyra says:

    I was widowed at 49. My husband and I met when I was nineteen. It was in many, many ways a wonderful marriage, with years of wonderful sex and ultimately, much more importantly, mutual support through all the innevitable ups and downs. There were the financial problems, the deaths of parents, the struggles through work. But there was much joy and steady, solid mutual support and companionship. His death just after his 53rd birthday was unimagined by both of us.

    I am now, at the time of writing this, just older than he was when he died. Unthinkable really. I still have moments when I find myself surprised that I am here and he is not. The death of a long-term partner has been compared to an amputation. To me it felt like losing my skin – being flayed – and suddenly vulnerable to an alien world.

    It has been, and still is, a very slow process trying to gather myself together, find myself again, but I have been seeing other men. I have tried some on-line dating and the results are sometimes, frankly, scary. But not always. I have made some friends – both older and younger, and the fault that it goes no further than ‘platonic’ is mine, not theirs.
    I wonder whether single middle-aged men are not wiser than someone like me who, in many ways, is still ‘stuck’ in a romantic idea of relationships because I did the whole ’till death do us part’ thing? I wonder too if I really, really do need men and wonder why so many women do feel this need to ‘have’ a man to complete them. Is it cultural? Is it because women still feel that their value is judged by whether or not there is a man in their life?
    What I am certain of is that I miss the company of men and this is not just because I struggle sometimes with cleaning the gutters, walking the dogs, checking the oil in the car, mowing the lawn as well as working full-time …

    So, you jaded men on this thread, not all middle-age women are cynics, and damaged and, I can’t speak for others, but I need you around for the laughs, the adventures and, simply, because we are all in this strange and wonderful battleground of life together.

    Oh – and I have no intention of taking up knitting! I have taken up motorcyling instead. The knitting might come when I am eighty.

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles
      says:

      Thanks for comments and I am so sorry for your loss, Lyra.
      Yes, it’s wonderful to have men for friendship, laughs, adventures, sex …
      It’s hard to shake the romantic trajectory we know — fall in love, become a couple, move in, marry, kids, etc.
      That isn’t a script we need to follow at our age.
      Enjoy your bike, be safe and be open to the possibilities.

  40. Rocket says:

    I was devastated when my ex left me 16 years ago for a woman whose last name was Cheatham(yep!). Since then, I’ve had a few false starts in the relationship department and haven’t dated in several years. Although I’ve met a few nice, educated, financially stable men, they suffer one of more of the following:
    *has not established appropriate boundries with adult children and/or ex spouse. where these family members have a history of undermining anyone he dates.
    * He is too weak or afraid of not being “liked” to do anything about it.
    *hides how much he drinks in the beginning.
    *is not far enough out from his divorce.
    * too young or too old.
    *I now am reticent to date someone with too many adult children. Why? Although I can understand and respect that he wants to attend every family function I don’t have the time or interest in going to every one of these events even if I like his family. Some people may balk at this but I’ve heard the same complaint from both men and women.

    I am attractive, fit, am a lifetime equestrian, volunteer, have good friends, no addictions and am a professional. Although, I would welcome the right man into my life and would be willing to do some compromising, I’m no longer interested in compromising a lot.

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles
      says:

      A lot of middle-aged women feel the same way, Rocket — we no longer want to compromise to the point that we feel consumed by a relationship. At this age, though, people often do have older children (and dating men/women who have younger children can be just as problematic as dating people with adult children and grandchildren!). So, we may have to be a bit more accepting of such stuff if the core of the person is good. There isn’t perfect and we don’t offer perfect, either. What we need is a good-enough fit (and someone who excites us!)

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