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The Good Men Project recently pondered, what’s a man without money?

That’s a good question.  Would you date a broke man?

I’ve never been one to focus on money — my own or someone else’s — or see it as a path to happiness. Now that I’m at midlife, however, and helping to get two kids through college, hoping to retire one day, and dealing with the never-ending costs of living (my broken clavicle cost me a lot of money, despite my health insurance, and my car appears to have an electrical problem, no doubt a pricey problem, that I need to deal with ASAP), I think about money a wee bit more. I still don’t equate it to whether I am happy or not (and never will), although I acknowledge money certainly makes things easier.

I never made a lot of money in my career — newspaper journalism — but that didn’t stop men from dating me, or two men from marrying me. I am fortunate to have a wonderful longtime partner (who, as an educator, knows all about small salaries), but I sometimes wonder what would happen if I lost my job and was looking for love — would I be marriage material (assuming I even wanted to marry again, that is, which I don’t), or even dateable?

Let’s forget my age for now (and maybe longer!); by virtue of my gender alone, yes — I would probably be viable relationship material. But if I were an unemployed man — regardless of age — would the same rules apply? Probably not (although I imagine a certain amount of women would eagerly entangle themselves if he was hot; yes, we gals can be incredibly shallow, too).

Unemployed, under-employed and low-income men are just not good dating or marriage material in the eyes of many women.

That’s why the pro-marriage people have it all wrong when they say marriage will get low-income women out of poverty. While studies have shown that low-income women value marriage and have more traditional views about marriage and divorce than others, they don’t want to get hitched to a man who is going to drag them down. A man who isn’t contributing financially is a handicap, as one young single mother says in Promises I Can Keep: Why Poor Women Put Motherhood Before Marriage: “What was his purpose? I started thinking, ‘I don’t need him.’ He was just like an extra burden. It was actually easier without him.”

I’m sure I’m not the only girl growing up whose mother told her that it’s just as easy to love a rich guy as it is to love a poor one. A few years ago, the book Smart Girls Marry Money: How Women Have Been Duped into the Romantic Dream — and How They’re Paying for It advised women to do just that.

I’m not sure many — any — boys get the same message, and even in this presumably enlightened age, I just can’t see a parent encouraging a son to “marry up.”

Earlier this summer, a study (OK, funded by a credit report agency so I take it with a grain of salt) indicated financial responsibility and financial compatibility was more important or just as important as career ambition, physical attraction and sex and intimacy, especially for women.

It never even occurred to me to worry about such things (I’ve never discussed credit ratings with a partner), but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have paid it some attention when it seemed like things were getting serious.

A recent study seems to indicate that we are stuck in a time warp when it comes to gender and moneywe can’t get past the idea that a husband should make more money than his wife, and that is impacting whom we marry, how much a wife works, and even if a couple stays married. Among the interesting questions posed:

What happens when a man marries a woman who has the education and skills to earn more than him? The couple can avoid violating the “man earns more” social norm if the woman works part time or leaves the labor force altogether. The authors found evidence of both choices. But what if the woman stays in the labor force and does earn more than her spouse? How does this affect the marriage? The findings here are striking. In such couples, surveys show, both wife and husband generally report being less happy about the marriage.

So, here’s how it appears to work:

Unemployed, under-employed and low-paid women are still datable and marriage material, while guys are not. Meanwhile, highly paid women are dateable and marriage material, as long as they don’t make more than their husbands.

If that isn’t proof about how far we haven’t come as a society, I don’t know what is.

  • Would you marry a woman who made more money than you?
  • Would you marry a man who made less money than you?
  • Would you date someone (presumably temporarily) unemployed?
  • Does it make a difference if a man doesn’t make a lot by virtue of his profession (artist, musician, teacher, etc.) or because he has low ambition?

Photo © Sean Arenas/Fotolia.com

151 Responses to “He’s broke, you’re not — do you date him?”

  1. K.B. says:

    I totally agree with this article that broke men are way less likely to be in a relationship than are broke / low income women. I think it depends on what the debt is. For example, my ex-husband is 50k in debt. His debt is IRS (nearly 20k), a Cadillac at $400 / mo which he can’t afford, and odds and ends credit cards. That type of debt is NOT good and I would avoid him like the plague. It is NOT the reason WE divorced however. But … if you presented him to me with that debt in the early stages of dating …. I would not view him as marriage material. His income does NOT support that load and it also shows extreme carelessness.

    Now, take my debt as a public servant. I have one 5k credit card and an 80k student loan. BUT …. my credit card will be paid off in a year and my student loan paid off in 10 years because I’m on the loan forgiveness program (they removed 18 years). And .. my student loan at 80k is $400 / mo. – which I’m perfectly capable of paying on my public servant salary. And my student loan monthly payment is 1/3 of that of my ex-husband.

    So I have a higher debt load but the monthly payment is way lower AND it doesn’t involve the IRS and careless car purchases. When he told me wanted a divorce to pursue other women …. I just smiled and said, “Sure …. go for it!” He was dumb enough to do it.

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles

      That’s a lot of debt, K.B. Did he have that before you married him, or was that a discovery after-the-fact?
      I never asked any former partner or husband about his debt. I absolutely would do that now — however — if he was making good decisions and paying it down, it wouldn’t be a deal-breaker. I’d just get a prenup 😉

    • Tw says:

      You have 80k in debt and you’re trying to say it’s not as bad because the monthly payment is low? Honey that just means you’ll be in debt a long time because you’re more concerned with the monthly payment than paying it off, you’re nowhere near marriage material in my opinion.

  2. John says:

    I am a low paid male and looking at all these websites has confirmed my worst fears! I did not realise or understand the importance of a good education and job until to late and after my last girlfriend dumpingrme because of money issues I am close to giving up all together. Although she would never admit she left me because of money I know it was a huge factor, which is sad because she had her own house etc and I could of supported us on this low income as she earnt a very good amount of money. So this is it 30 single like normal and unable to get better work due to education mainly. I had one love but sjEd fast realised and I guess my replacement pointed out how little I earnt and now women over thd net dont wang to mnow men like myself. I care for thr elderly by the way and I wish I was dead, thanks for showing all men in my position we are better off dead no matter how loving we are.

    • azhira says:

      It does not matter to me John…I’m interested in honesty, integrity, and a personality fit. I say this as a woman who makes more than the average income anyway.

      We do exist. (I just have a different sort of baggage of my own.)

      • Marato says:

        I am actually engaged to a man like you John. I knew about his financial status when we started dating and I was not happy since he didn’t even have a car and couldn’t drive. We both have the same degree, the problem is that he just has no luck finding a proper job. I have always been uneasy with this situation. On top of that he comes from a very poor background. He is a very good person, honest and loving. Now that we are engaged, he has no dollar in his account for our wedding. I have spent so much on him and it makes him sad that can’t afford to treat me and take me out and that he owes me a lot. But he has so much faith in turning his life around which is why I believe in him and gave him a chance. Anyone here thinking I might be making a mistake marrying him?

        • Anna says:

          Honestly, you are waaay too nice. Spending money on him is like mothering him. Don’t be surprised if he ends up resenting you or chasing after a women that isn’t so accommodating. You give him a chance AFTER he starts acting like an adult.

          • guy says:

            Women like you anna are why guys would rather stay single. Clearly this lady respects her man. He he definitely appreciates that. If hes trying give him a chance. Im on the verge of starting a relationship with a lady. Im quite broke because of an accident on a wrongly insured car and taking out a loan for an mba coupled with some health debts. Good to know that there are woman out there that would give me a chance☺

          • ken says:

            When a male takes care of the house supported financially, it’s seen as babysitting the male. When a female takes care of the house and supported financially, it’s seen as babysitting the male.

            Another problem, female home makers decide how to organize and decorate everything, male home makers don’t decide any of it and arguments happen.

            Sexism at high level.

          • Christina says:

            Anna is right in a way, if a women keeps taking care of him regardless of how much faith he might have, he may never grow up.

        • Rachel says:

          Do NOT marry him. It’s fine that you are giving him a chance, but you are in way too deep. I agree with Anna. Break off the engagement, take a few steps back. Unfortunately, I just ended a relationship where I was the spender giving him a chance too. We moved in together right away. All it did was make me miserable, and enabled him to do nothing but enjoy my comfy home and chill in front of my TV all day while I busted my ass all day at work. I’ve paid for everything including his child support twice. This relationship lasted 4 months and though, unbelievably I still love this guy, I should have never shared a residence with him. I saw the warning signs early but ignored them. He says he will pay me back, but honestly, I’m not holding my breath. I am certain my generosity and good heart made me a weak and and easy target in his eyes. You have to make them EARN your love and respect. And you do this by not giving your money and trust away.

          • lola says:

            My boyfriend is a CPA but he can’t retain a job… during the last year he has changes jobs frequently… I don’t know if is bad luck or if he is lazy… I graduated after him luckily I have a good job and making more money than him… Usually I paid most of our dates… I leave alone and support myself… He still leaving at his parent’s house… I love him but I don’t like that he is not financially stable… I just wonder when he is going to growth up… he is already 30
            I want to married him but he is not stable

          • stella smith says:

            Don’t marry him, you will regret later! I was in this kind of relationship, you will never be happy as you end up giving all the time and you never get anything back, if he’s broke now, he is always broke as he will never step up, he’s got no money so he should work harder now and to get there.

          • ken says:

            When a male takes care of the house supported financially, it’s seen as babysitting the male. When a female takes care of the house and supported financially, it’s seen as babysitting the male.

            Sexism at high level.

        • Andre says:

          I don’t think you making a Mistake because he actually try to have a better income just haven’t find a job yet but when one open up , he be ready now if he didn’t have a career field yes .

        • Nyomi says:

          I am reading thru some of the comments..And I have ALWAYS been a firm believer that a female should NOT be the one constantly giving and giving in a relationship esp to a man she just met. A man like that will NOT appreciate it because you have given him nothing to work for. Men appreciate it when its not given to them so easy……another thing that bothers me that I have been reading in this comment section. Is the fact that alot of women are very open with discussing their salaries with men off the break. Big NO NO..Alot of men see that as a gold ticket. They will not tell you this of course but many do see it this way. You need to play it like you are doing okay and managing thats about it. Do not go into detail about your finances esp if you make a decent salary. Personally I am very very good at reading men. Alot of men will tell you that they are doing well off when they arent just to win you over. And unfortunately some females do fall for this.

          • Truth says:

            People will always have opinions…my advice to you is…don’t try to see something that’s not there but also don’t ignore something that’s there. ONLY YOU know what or who you’re with. Follow your heart but pray first, ask God if this isn’t the one than show you very plainly and let HIM break up the relationship. People can have much money and NO HEART…but there are some with no money but AN AWESOME HEART. I don’t believe it’s always the man with the money but you know in your heart, he’s good to you treats you like a lady, but not a player. Pray precious for God to show you because ONLY GOD KNOWS THE HEART OF US ALL.:) So to the lady that says she’s really good article
            at reading men, naaaaw, you THINK you are but how many times will YOU ADMIT…WHAT YOU THOUGH YOU SAW, WASN’T WHAT YOU THOUGHT. UNLESS YOU’RE GOD, I DONT KNOW YOU, BUT I FEEL YOU ARE WRONG AND ITS BECAUSE OF YOUR CHOICES. So please be careful trying to read people, it’s not always what it looks like… and by no means make an assumption…you know what they say about assuming. 😁Just fyi.

        • MessengerOfRighteousTruth says:

          It all comes down to this. Women are incapable of LOVE. LOVE is when you care more about another person then you do your own self. Meaning you would sacrifice yourself for that person. Men are clearly capable of loving women as they prove everytime they couple themselves with a woman that makes less money then they do. Men recognize what a financial burden women are, yet they are willing engage these women because they LOVE them. Men prioritize the women they LOVE above themselves. We do not see this behavior from women. As this article and the corresponding comment thread clearly reveals women will only engage men that either make as much money as them or more. Their loyalty and companionship is conditional on whether or not the man is bringing in more money than they are. From a womans perspective a man must be investing more into the relationship than she is otherwise it isnt worth it. Strictly business. At no point do we see a relationship between a harworking woman that supports her husband that stays home and looks after the children. One would be hard pressed to find instances where a woman makes even slightly more than her husband without the subject quickly becoming a point of contention. Why, that would require an amount of selflessness that women are incapable of. Women are nothing but WHORES and GROUPIES. They hang around as long as the gravy train is up and running. But once they have drained a man of everything he was worth they walk away and never look back. Once a man realizes this fact of nature everything women do begins to make perfect sense. Women’s motives arent anymore mysterious then that of the most common of street hookers. If you want to attract women, flaunt your wealth. If you want them to avoid you, dress like a bum. As a man you must always recognize that no matter what a woman says or does SHE DOES NOT LOVE YOU. You are her workhorse. She will work you as much as she can to get the most out of you but the second you show any weakness she will put you down and make sausage out of you. What this article is really saying,if you read between the lines, is that women have nothing to offer men that they cant get from an escort and a nanny. So stop asking where all the good men have gone. They finally realized that all of you are just a bunch of whores, so they lost interest in you. Every dollar I earn goes to ME. Not some selfish whore that needs a man to live her life for her. My earnings keep growing and all of you whores keep getting older, fatter and somehow more selfish. So why would a man want to keep a leeching whore like you around? Especially when he’s got the money to wine you and dine you then pump you and dump you. He could repeat the process over and over with different women because who gives a shit about these whores. They dont love men. They love money. So fuck them and drop them off at the nearest bus stop.

          • OMGchronicles
            Twitter: OMGchronicles

            From The Big Flip: There’s been a shift.

            40% of American working wives now out-earn their husbands. That number is projected to keep climbing, with more women earning college degrees than men now, and young women’s ambitions for high-paying jobs outstripping young men’s. In 15 years, women are projected not just to close the income gap with men—but to reverse it and out-earn men on average.

            But how do all these social shifts translate into the home, inside the bedroom?

            Here are some sobering facts.

            Husbands whose wives make more money are 61% less likely to say they’re happy
            Wives who are primary breadwinners are also significantly less happy about their family lives than other women
            Men are 5 times more likely to cheat when they’re financially dependent on their wives
            Divorce is 40% more likely when a women makes over 60% of the family’s income
            Much of the discussion around this topic so far has focused on the broader business and economic consequences of this shift. All that is great for academics, economists and media pundits.
            But for the real women and men living these changes, no one has really dove in, to look at things from their perspective.

            No one is exploring the daily decisions, struggles and victories they face. No one is asking the questions—big, small and unexpected—that they encounter as they navigate this new frontier of what it means to be a man, a woman, a couple, and a family. Questions like…

            What does it mean to be a good mom when mommy works?

            What do we say, when people ask what I do/what my husband does?

            Do I need some silk lingerie and girly dresses to balance out the power suits?

            How should one tackle the delicate topic of “pocket money” for the husband?

            Is there a more inspiring image of the stay-at-home dad than Mr. Mom?

    • Janet says:

      My guy that I just threw out was great and terrific, according to him, prior to us meeting. He “was” he “had” he “can” he “did,” etc but after 7-8 years of zero, no steady income, always morose because he “was” he “had” he “did,” etc and then you finally had the unmitigated gall to complain that I wake him up in the morning (while I’m getting ready for work – I work at 7 so I get up at 5) and why don’t I co-sign for a loan for him, etc and yet I’ve had to chase him down for his portion of the utilities too many times and have had many arguments with him, but don’t I see that if he “did” and if he “was” and if he “could” he would help me, although he has never been in a position to, I finally said, I guess it’s the shelter for you darling because ain’t no man living in my house that doesn’t contribute in many, many ways, including monetarily. You can’t cook, clean, repair, help with bills but you can pitch a bitch? Drop dead is right.

      • kyla says:

        My bf has 5 kids..i have 1. Ive known him for 5 years, but we have been together for 3.When i met him he was living with his mom. We moved together..we struggled together (still struggling, just not as bad). He lost his long time job right as we got together and he didnt seem too interested in getting another job. I basically forced him to get a job at a place where i had just gotten a job at. Soon we both lost the job..however we both started working again..then he was fired some mnths later..he did not work for 8-9 mnths.ALL of the bills fell on me. And he didnt seem phased. It was as if he enjoyed not having to work, but still being able to live comfortably. Anyhow..9 mnths After that period he got another job but he was making $9.00/hr. I started working at another job where i was making enough $$ to pay the full rent..and he paid what he could of the utilities. I sometimes resent him because i feel i do more than 50%. When his kids come over i feed them..if we go places i pay for them, if he and i go on dates i pay for it 95% of the time bc he doesnt make enough. A man’s money or lack thereof was never a big thought of mine bc ive always been independent. Now, i do. I just hate always giving and giving and it not be reciprocated. Im starting to feel used. Am i wrong?..i mean it’s not like he doesn’t have a job..it’s thats he isnt making enough..and doesnt seem to be trying to do better. What should i do?

        • OMGchronicles
          Twitter: OMGchronicles

          Kyla, thanks for writing. I can’t tell you what to do, but it’s clear that your own feelings about the situation could give you the answer. If you need more from him — money or support, whatever — you need to have an honest, loving talk with him and set up some healthy boundaries so you don’t feel used. Maybe give him a time by which he needs to either have a better-paying job or a second job so he can pay more of his share. Let him know that while you love being with his kids, he needs to pay for their food/activities, etc. No one can take advantage of us unless we let him/her; you need to take care of yourself, too. Good luck!

        • MessengerOfRighteousTruth says:

          If you LOVE him then you should be eager to contribute more then 50%. If you resent him for the sacrifices you make for him then you dont LOVE him. In which case you are selfish.

      • Nicole says:

        I really want to know this guys name, because you must have kicked him out and now he is living with me URGH….to be with a broke guy is ok, to be with a broke guy that has NO hustle is NOT!

        A guy with hustle (legal) will always figure out a way to support himself, his woman, his children ect. He will work several low paying jobs, he will learn a trade, he will continue to do what he has to do to not be a burden to you even if he can not fully support you!!!

      • lisa says:

        I agree with Janet, I’ll act a fool, been with mine 3years he can’t keep a job either, I already see how he do with my car ain’t no way in hell I’m moving n with him sitting down relating an I been busting my ass. I don’t even no how much longer I can put up with it because I don’t know if its normal for a man to be down that long

    • Sjed says:

      I’ve read this article and I agree and disagree with it. I am a working female that’s makes “okay” money. I have everything I need and want. I am a women who “broke up with a broke man”. But the reasoning behind breaking up with him was not due to money. I could of supported him “John” with just my earnings. But I was tired of paying for every date, all the gas, all of the “extra stuff”. I would of gave him all the money I had to give if he was appreciated. Instead I dated a man who was selfish. He would come and treat me like a princess to get a little cash In his pocket so he could run off and spend it to take other girls out. This man was a handy man and would make a little cash once a month. When he did have a bit of money he never took me on a date or showed me he appricated me. So yes a women can date and support a man who is unemployed but it’s never worth the while or the time when he is going to be selfish and not try to repay the favors. I never asked him for money when he had it but sometimes I kinda expected for him buy a single flower for me or something. Heck even a thank you note would of worked.

      • OMGchronicles
        Twitter: OMGchronicles

        Thanks for responding, Sjed. What I’m hearing from you is that you didn’t mind supporting “John” as long as he was appreciative, and he wasn’t. So when the two of you got together, was there any talk of expectations, other ways to be supportive if not financially, etc.? It’s one thing to support someone, it’s another to be taken advantage of (like “running off and spend it to take other girls out.”) But that has nothing to do with dating a broke man; that is more about someone’s character. Sorry that was your experence.

    • CaraMia says:

      I was married to a man who was very wealthy. I stayed home and went to school while taking care of our kids. But he was a cruel man. He insulted me, dominated me, spit on me, and would hurt me. I divorced him and have never been so happy, even though I raise two kids on a small social services salary.
      If I ever marry again, I’ll look most for someone who will love me and treat me well. Not with money, but with his loyalty and kindness to me. I don’t expect a rich man, but I do want a guy with a solid work ethic. He could be working at McDonald’s, but he is bringing home something. Everyone should decide what’s most important to them. If you can’t abide a man or woman who does not have the same drive for success as you, by all means let them go. But the grass is not always greener on the nicely manicured lawn!

      • Truth says:

        A big fat AAAAAAAAAAMEN! You’re on it and I believe as you do. We know players but if you’re constantly looking for the game in a person…you’re possibly missing out on the heart of the true person. Just fyi.

        • J says:

          I was with someone from a rich family for 16 yrs. Although his family has a lot of money, and we benefited from it with extravagant gifts, trips, an weekends at their country house, my “partner” could never seem to hold down a job for very long, and was also abusive. Now I am in a legal battle with his family just to have 50% of the sale of our joint property, which I’ve paid into with steady work, for 10 yrs. I’m now dating someone who doesn’t have much, but he has my trust. Ultimately, it is not about rich or poor … its about honesty, and respect.

    • Mimi says:

      John I am a professional women with 2 children and not receiving any regular child support. I have always made more than anyone I dated. Its not the amount of money you make. Its what you’re doing with it. Just because I have a higher income doesn’t mean you shouldn’t contribute. I expect my boyfriend to contribute proportionately. If my boyfriend was unemployed (temporarily hopefully) then he needs to pick up the slack at home. Clothes washed, house decent, dinner made and pick up the kids. Fair is fair. I have patience but when it wears thin thats not good. I love my boyfriend dearly he is a wonderful person. I am just making it with my 2 children alone. Life isn’t perfect and neither is man. But it amazes me how women (broke or not) can make it alone somehow. But some men won’t put forth the hustle/effort.

    • Connie says:

      Jon please don’t think that way.. Honestly money is the root of all evil.. Some women/men are all about materialistic things but some are not.. As myself I don’t look for how much money someone has or makes when getting to know them.. I have found myself dating guys who are only out for money and when it’s gone so are they.. I would much rather live in a cars board box and he happy than try to keep up with the high class and only live for money.. Don’t short hand yourself like that.. No matter how much u make or who u might date does it’s about being happy and if she is unhappy all because u might not fit her needs then tell her to go find someone else.. Don’t lower your standards for someone who doesn’t appreciate and love you for you.. please smile and know God has that special Lady out there for u.

    • tash says:

      I think the lack of confidence, whinginess by saying you care for elderly and wish you were dead is a big enough problem in itself. Work on your confidence and the income will matter less. I earn more than my previous partners and If I am the main provider financially then It would be nice if the man balances it out by being romantic and attentive in the relationship, then income is not so much of an issue.If the man refuses to work or only works part time then the woman may feel like she puts in more effort. Confidence is very important and anyone wishing their life to be over may have some more serious issues than just a low income. Perhaps see a psychologist so you can discuss this issue and from experience I found speaking to a professional highly beneficial. Good luck with everything.

  3. Batman says:

    That’s women for you.

  4. MerAlene says:

    No one every said you’re better off dead. Get off your butt and get and education, so you may write/spell more clearly and potentially earn a better living. I worked full time and when to school full time simultaneously to finish my degree. Plenty of financial aid programs out there.

    • Tortfeazin Ted says:

      You might want to “when” yourself back to school in order to learn how to “write/spell” yourself.

      As a person with a bachelors, two masters, and my JD, I have more education (and student loans) than most. I will be the first to admit I can’t spell or write, many fields of formal education have little to do with either.

      I have never in my life attempted to insult someone for being less educated than myself, however I am pretty sure if I was trying, I would spell stuff right myself.

      • Jeffrey Smiley says:

        If that the way it suppose to be that female reley on a man pocket. If so a man should feel as a woman. I stay with a woman who work and spend her money on what she want going continuely in debt and expect for me to pay het bills, while I pay all bills in, the house. And if I decided that I want to have me some fun with my money she feel im wrong. She barely clean, wash, cook. Yet still she feel im a no good man. It confuse me when a woman think a man should do everything and she enjoys herself with hers. Why a man want with a woman who feel it’s right. And too a man should look at het Babbage

  5. Ms Kat says:

    *HUGE sigh of relief….and here I was, thinking maybe it was just me, that I was being too picky, that my standards were perhaps too high. I’m soooo glad I’m not alone!!!
    I’m 32, single, no kids and never been married (yet 😉 ) and I just purchased my first home in February. The guy I’ve been seeing for just over a month is younger, 26, has a car, has an apt. We met online, of course. He told me he was a manager at a fast food restaurant. So I thought, ok he’s a MANAGER, has to make at least as much as I do, right? Nope.
    He messaged me tonight and said he wanted to come see my but didn’t have the gas………
    I knew I should have run for the hills when I had to pay the bill on our first date, but I wanted to give the guy a chance; and no, he’s not doing anything to try to improve his situation. It is very discouraging to a nice young lady such as myself that is seeking marriage and family but can’t seem to find any financially responsible and financially independent men out there. I would have to agree with the article above and say that is is a very important factor to me..I mean, I can manage my money, my man should be able to manage his as well.

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles

      Thanks for commenting Ms. Kat. It isn’t that you’re too picky or that your guy is irresponsible. To make a relationship work, the couple needs to have the some financial values. If you don’t have that, the relationship will not work even if he’s a millionaire. Wishing you the best.

      • MessengerOfRighteousTruth says:

        For a relationship to work, in the eyes of a greedy and selfish woman, the MAN must contribute more then the greedy and selfish woman. Because she is greedy selfish and she wont settle for anything less. Such is the nature of selfishness and greed. If you are a man dont bother looking for love from a woman they just want your money even if they have their own. You are better off swearing off women and saving money. Then if you really get desperate for pussy, you can rent them by the hour. Its cheaper and they will love you just as much as a wife or girlfriend without the drama and emotional baggage. Sure call girls arent baggage free, but they have to carry that baggage for themselves. So yea dating is not worth it at all. Gfs and wives are just live in hookers.

        • tash says:

          Clearly written by a man that has no respect for kthers, feels lonely but convinces himself he needs nobody and is to good for any woman. If you had a kind personality then you would see that there are many women that are kind hearted out there and are not just live in hookers. Grow up!

          • Rob says:

            He is absolutely right. It’s called female nature. I have dated many women I thought they were loving and nurturing creatures but after dating and being in many realsionships they were all the same. Men as a collective have seen your ways just like reading here that men are only an arm for you. If you can withdraw anymore it’s off to the next atm. Now we act like you and stop loving women and then you consoling where all the good men have gone. It’s feminism that killed everything. There is nothing to keep women’s behavior in check anymore so now you all showed is your true nature and now we aren’t going to marry you leeches anymore. Look at the marriage rates plumit and birth rates. MGTOW is growing extremely fast. We use logic to get to that conclusion. I still have sex with women but won’t ever het into a relationship with them again.

    • JamieK says:

      RUN, GIRL, RUN!!!

  6. fuckuandurmother2 says:

    Why should a man be in a relationship period?

  7. Fair? says:

    I’m 66 and lost all my money to Madoff….every cent…I thought about seeking a partner on a web site. It was then that I realized that I have nothing to offer anyone in a relationship
    So what would my profile heading say?
    Once had millions…not a penny now..
    It’s enough to make someone extremely angry…
    I have no earning power….I received my SS and a small pension I received from a volunteer fire dept when I lived in Westchester NY
    Remember that sone
    I’m Mr Lonely…

  8. Sam says:

    This is so true! I’m 31 years old and I’m currently dating a 32y old man who is unemployed, uneducated, has no car, and lives at home with his mommy. When we met he told me he is a business man. Little did I know he was in the business of being broke all the time.
    Soon after we started dating the requests for loans, electronic fund transfers, “help me pay this bill because I currently don’t have access to the internet” started coming. He always promises he will pay me back but when I remind him he says “the only thing I owe you a wedding ring, a house and some babies”. Only the heavens know how he plans on getting me all of that.
    So every time I see him he is with a friend I call him “The Transporter”. So I end up carrying the bill for all 3 of us. To make matters worse, The Transporter sometimes brings his girlfriend with the expectation that I will cover everyone’s bill. I have considered walking out and leaving them with the bill. But then I think what if they get arrested and get bad record which would make it even harder to find a job.

    I know that he has not been as privileged as I have been and maybe I’m overly sensitive about that and the fact that they are from the ghetto so maybe they can use some help coming up. I don’t want to come across as being snobbish so I tend to overlook many things. I even give him my bank card and my pin so he can pay if we are together just to try save him some respect as a man. But I have realized that if I don’t ask for my bank card back he “forgets” to give it to me and while he has it, he uses it without asking for my permission.

    He is a great guy with a wonderful personality but I just don’t want to live off food stamps and I don’t want to have to downgrade my lifestyle to accommodate his. I do want to help him achieve more in life but I don’t know how much is too much. I don’t mind that his idea of travel is going to the corner shop or that fun for him means sitting in the street corner with a bunch of friends who cannot even tell you what the fiscus or GDP are. But I cannot shake this suspicion that he is comfortable with the idea of being “a kept man”. He claims he is not but his actions tell me he is comfortable being taken care of by a woman (be it his momma or me). I just don’t see how I will ever be able to respect him as a man if he cannot take care of his own basic needs.

    To make matters worse, he has a kid from a previous relationship. I take responsibility for allowing things to get to where they are. He has no interest in looking for a job and even if he did he would probably not earn much. So my choice is either to pay for his education, ask my dad to help him to actually start a real business or to leave. I choose the latter (as of this moment that is). I just hope people don’t call me a snob. I just think I’m in way over my head! I need HELP!

    • Nik says:

      Sam, plz leave him while you still have a shred of dignity left. You can’t be ambitious for a man. If he doesn’t want a better life for himself on his own, you helping him isn’t going to change anything. RUN!

      • JanellaPatrice says:

        I want to be honest with you and tell you that this man is a “USER”. Love is all about “give and take”, not “give and give” or “take and take”. It is not a healthy relationship at all and if he really loves you, he will at least be sensitive with your needs. You are a very empowered woman and you deserve a man who will love you right because you trully deserve it believe me. I think you are a decent woman so don’t allow him to bring you down because in the end you might not notice but little by little you will loose all your self respect because you have already given everything about you that you did not save something for yourself. I will pray for you and hope that you find the courage to decide that you deserve nothing but the best because God loves you.

    • J says:

      You are getting played.

    • Jane says:

      Some of my friends have dated similarly unemployed men and to tell the truth – the love the drama. They may complain, but they never leave their men because it gives the drama in life and something to talk about. Like you, they feel ‘responsible’. It’s not something I can get my head around, why women are so determined to stay in relationships with issues.
      You’ve written this 3 months ago and I doubt that you have left him, but I hope that things improve.

  9. OMGchronicles
    Twitter: OMGchronicles

    Sam, it’s OK to love someone but you are not responsible for fixing that person’s problems. You can help him find solutions — job referrals, grants, social services, etc. — and emotionally support him in that journey, but you are free to draw the boundaries — especially when it comes to money. Being a “kept” man or woman is OK if you both agree to that because you both are getting out of it what you need. That doesn’t sound like the situation here, sorry. And I understand how a great person with a great personality can mismanage money (been there, done that); again, you can’t solve that problem for him but you can support whatever efforts he makes toward making it better. If you let him know that and cut off the money supply, his true personality will be apparent. He may still be a “great guy” or he may not. Stay strong, good luck, and please let me know how it goes.

    • Janet says:

      Nice guy, great guy, whatever guy doesn’t mean he’s the guy for you. The posts are correct, you like drama and you’re being played. You give him money. Shit, I wouldn’t work either if someone “gave” me everything I need. You’re his mother and you’re in an incestuous relationship. Think about that.

  10. Tara says:

    I have always (sometimes reluctantly) worked, and bring in average wages. Anthough I do not live for money, I understand that it is a necessity to have some money, just to live… or else you are living of charity essentially. Now I never previously cared if a partner of mine had money or not, until now, since I have been dating someone for 3 months, who has no money. This has put a tremendous pressure and imbalance on our relationship, as in 3 months, he hasn’t even taken me on a date.

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles

      Tara, thanks for writing. I have always been the same way — don’t care about money. It still isn’t a priority but it helps.
      That said, a date can be free — there are free days at museums, gallery openings, street festivals, open mike nights at nightclubs, etc. — or close to free, like making you dinner (nothing fancy, but it’s the thought), renting a movie and massaging your feet, playing guitar and singing for you (if he can), etc. I understand that men often equate their self-worth with their actual worth, and if he’s been looking for work and can’t find it, he may be depressed; we all would be! Still, kind acts are free; I hope he gets with the program!

      • Truth says:

        Very good answer!! 🙂

        • sofie says:

          Hey guys pls help I’m dating a guy he is unemployed apparently left the job Bcs they pay him small money but now he is too lazy to go and look for another job I love him but I dought he will leave me when he gets a job Cs he is childish I always tell him about it and he is not happy he gets angry and he is soo negative to everything he just eat and sleep everyday whole i go to wrk.evrn if i direct him to go alone he just say i dont knw the place and expect me to understand and othrr thing he is younger than me with 5 yrs a want to ask for advise how to see if a person really loves u even if he doesnt support u financially or just to get up and look for something better to make future better .

    • kyla says:

      My bf has 5 kids..i have 1. Ive known him for 5 years, but we have been together for 3.When i met him he was living with his mom. We moved together..we struggled together (still struggling, just not as bad). He lost his long time job right as we got together and he didnt seem too interested in getting another job. I basically forced him to get a job at a place where i had just gotten a job at. Soon we both lost the job..however we both started working again..then he was fired some mnths later..he did not work for 8-9 mnths.ALL of the bills fell on me. And he didnt seem phased. It was as if he enjoyed not having to work, but still being able to live comfortably. Anyhow..9 mnths After that period he got another job but he was making $9.00/hr. I started working at another job where i was making enough $$ to pay the full rent..and he paid what he could of the utilities. I sometimes resent him because i feel i do more than 50%. When his kids come over i feed them..if we go places i pay for them, if he and i go on dates i pay for it 95% of the time bc he doesnt make enough. A man’s money or lack thereof was never a big thought of mine bc ive always been independent. Now, i do. I just hate always giving and giving and it not be reciprocated. Im starting to feel used. Am i wrong?..i mean it’s not like he doesn’t have a job..it’s thats he isnt making enough..and doesnt seem to be trying to do better. What should i do?

  11. tara says:

    Interesting whats written, i have been dating this guy for abit more than a month, he said he is a freelancer designer and director infact he is but he is not doing great business as such market is tight at our place. I am 24 with degree and good stable earning he is 26 have an art certificate. I paid for most dinners and food plans we have a plan to go out of the country for new year and i think its on me :(. He knows the problem and looking for a job but this is tiering

  12. Tina says:

    I would like some input as to how I can turn down someone, without seeming like a horrible person. I met someone online, we had a lot in common and messages back and forth were funny, full of great conversation, really good stuff. So we agree to meet for coffee, and he then tells me that he can’t buy my coffee as well as his own as he is broke. He is retired from what seems to be a good career- no, I didn’t ask him why he doesn’t have a bean. He lives in a rooming house with 4 other people and they share a landline phone. I had made it clear in my profile that I wanted to meet someone with whom I could purchase a home so that I can run my home-based business efficiently (divorce put paid to that, but I could go half on a suitable place).
    He thinks we have what it takes to get along romantically, says he still wants to meet and that I will change my mind. I can’t imagine getting into a relationship with someone who tells me in advance that he can’t buy a $2 cup of coffee.
    However, because I was raised to be polite and not ignore people, I would like to know how to turn him down without coming across like an awful person. Any ideas?

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles

      Tina, thanks for commenting. I hear you say “He thinks we have what it takes to get along romantically” while also admitting “I can’t imagine getting into a relationship with someone who tells me in advance that he can’t buy a $2 cup of coffee.” The two can coexist. Yes, you can agree that there may be many things you share in common (although he is saying that; are you?), but that isn’t necessarily enough. It isn’t wrong for you to want to be with someone who’s a bit more financially stable or an equal partner. If you’re attracted to him and you think there’s enough “there” there, it’s certainly OK to ask him what his plans are to get on more stable financial footing especially if you are not in a situation to support someone (or choose not to). You can say you’d like to split things equally as you date to see if you’re truly good romantic partners (and there are many inexpensive/free ways to be together). But if he balks at that, I would certainly question why. And that is not being impolite. Good luck!

  13. Linda says:

    Hi I been living with. Guy for 3years he has not being working since , he drive my car I pay for his medical insurance food and cell phone allowance and I help him with pocket money he says if I love him I can give him loan or open a business for him, he says he is tired of watching me me being rich and eating my money, is it my resposibility to help him with opening. Business

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles

      Linda, it isn’t your “responsibility” to pay for any other person unless you birthed/adopted him or her, or you vowed that in a marriage (and even then it’s not a given, given certain circumstances). The bigger question is, do you want to? Are you getting what you need/want in return? Is there a plan in place to become more equal partners (if you want that)? Are you having those kinds of conversations — and can you have them without conflict? Love doesn’t come with demands, ie. that someone has to “loan” a loved one money. It isn’t your problem that he’s “tired” of watching you “eat your money” (at the same time, is he trying to tell you that you could be more financially responsible?). If you loan him money for a business, what is his plan to pay you back (and is it a viable business, and is he a good businessman)? There’s a lot the two of you will need to discuss and get in writing; how he responds to that may tell you all you need to know. Good luck!

  14. Jeff says:

    I’m 41 years old, and last year i got a disillusionment from someone who was extremely abusive and cruel to me that i was in a relationship with for thirteen years, before that i was not very wise in matters of dating, but that was my first relationship since high school. As of now, sadly I am unable to work as an old injury i sustained when i was in school got worse, and now i am on disability, pay my bills, have my own place, but as it said in the article, i get zero replies as i am looking for a long term relationship since i would rather not spend the rest of my life on my own. I have learned from learning from my mother’s morals and living around a liberal city that it is not what is on the outside like looks, money, or other material things that make a person desirable, it is what is on the inside, as that reflects on the outside. If you see someone who is greedy, then it reflects in someone who wants someone who will look for someone who has a lot of money. I know that is contrary to a lot of what i have been seeing, but i have been looking around so much, and it is all i have been seeing from so many posts on many different sites, greed, not security or stability. If someone wants to be stable, i applaud them for being honestly stable, but to turn away and scoff at people because others thing they are a burden? it depends on the person, not the class itself, and it is so sad to see people hurt from this attitude. Do not get me wrong, just because i have not found anyone i am not calling foul and unfair to single myself out, but when it is more than just myself, then it is worth calling foul.

    • Jeff says:

      My question is, is it wrong to date someone who is disabled? Even though he does not want to be a financial burden, but he does not get a lot of money, because going by the standards i am seeing, that basically is a coin toss between “No, your a worthless bum regardless of who you are as your a penniless deadbeat.” and “Yes, i would be more than happy because dating is a partnership regardless of your income or problems.” Because the more articles i read on this, i see more of the former than the later, which is what i am personally, and it makes me feel sad we have gone this way.

      • OMGchronicles
        Twitter: OMGchronicles

        Jeff, there is nothing “wrong” (or, for that matter, “right”) about dating someone disabled; there are many people who happily couple or marry someone who is disabled, whether physically or mentally. There are even dating websites geared toward disabled people. I don’t think you’d want to be with someone who thought it was “wrong,” anyway. Please don’t get disillusioned. At the same time, it might be beneficial if you geared your dating efforts at women for whom a disability wouldn’t be an issue. Good luck!

  15. BSG says:

    Catch and release; Best dating advise for any man; broke or rich.

    • MGTOWMonkMode says:

      Been there, done that. Even that sucks. Nothing but sea robins and spidercrabs in that murky water. I dont even cast my line anymore. But, That doesnt seem stop them from trying to jump into my boat. Sure I’m a good looking guy but, For some reason the less interested in women I become the more attractive I seem to be to them. So I end up in alot of situations where women make their availabilty known in an effort to induce me into ask them out. But I am a MGHOW(if you dont know what that is google it) so asking a woman out is out of the question and rejecting women does indeed give me a thrill. So, When I catch women eyeballing me, I politely initiate a conversation with some mundane question. She’ll get excited and answer my question, but before she can ask me a question (which would be her way of expressing interest)I quickly say “Thank you”, then I turn around and swiftly walk away and never look back. It may not seem like much but to a woman her self esteem is shattered. I consider that my good deed for each day. If I can make a different woman cry everyday just by saying “thank you” I’d finally feel like I’d really given back to my community. Snubbing these self entitled, self absorbed, narcissitic sociopaths is the highlight of my day and I recomend that every attractive man in this country indulge in this practice as often as possible. Its the least these worthless whores deserve. Do it for the community, do it because its right and do it because its fun. It doesnt matter why you do it as long as you do it. Thank you.

  16. Brian says:

    This is why, at 35, I still don’t date. I’m under-employed, putting what little money I have from part-time work into rent, bills, and occasional grad-school tuition. Sadly, I’ve spent the past twelve years as basically a full-time caregiver for my elderly father (and my mother before she passed away), so I had to turn down a doctoral acceptance and lost out on the prime of my career’s growth years. It’s been made well-aware to me how unattractive all this is to women, so I’ll just remain broke, lonely, and depressed. The irony is that – especially with all the domestic skills I’ve been practicing basically daily over the past decade – I’d accept being the SAHD in a marriage with a career woman (I trained as a historian; we’re paid in pittances anyway) in a heartbeat!

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles

      Thanks for writing, Brian. I’m really sorry that you are struggling after doing what was a wonderful and necessary thing to do, caretake your parents. I can understand that you might be depressed by your romantic prospects; that said, that might be working against you in finding a partner. There are some women who would want to be married to a SAHD and others who would be open to flexible arrangements; those are the women you need to find. To do that, you might need to reframe your story and attitude, and embrace the great skills and nurturing personality you have. That is very attractive to many women. Please don’t give up hope!

    • Tari says:

      Hi Brian,

      We’ve spent the last twelve years on the same path in the same order, although I had to move my father out a couple of years ago. He died a year ago and I was injured six months ago. Also, my “lost decade” was my 50s. I had just finished grad school, potential employers don’t understand why I put my parents first.
      Brian, I’m sure what i’m going to say isn’t new, but perhaps hearing it from a similar situation will help. First, please try to take as much care of yourself physically and intellectually as you can squeeze in. I know how hard it is to squeeze seconds. If history is hard to face, maybe something in related fields or something brand new. Walks and public staircases and books about stretching and yoga from your library and PBS and NPR are free.
      You’re probably out of social practice. Practice being friendly with everybody – men, kids, dogs, as well as women until it feels normal again. People in customer service are a good start, they’re hired for their people skills. When you get in a better place it’ll be easier to find a good woman.
      Part of it is that you’re stretched so thin that you probably haven’t got enough time to increase the number of women you’re meeting. You might expand to somebody a little older or financially secure. Find the right one and she won’t care about your money, especially in these circumstances, because she won’t be looking solely for someone to bankroll her. You’ve already proved an enormous amount your character. Most women I know value character more than anything. Those same women are looking for brains and interest in the world.
      Hope this helps and doesn’t feel like preaching. good luck Brian.

  17. karen says:

    If he loves you he will get a job of some sort and be a man who will contribute. Cut off the money and see if he still wants to be with you……or if he looks fora vetted “mommy”. I wouldnt really care if he made less than me. Motivation and getting out there and trying to help pay bills or get you a cheap christmas present that he bought with what he had….things like that matter. Anyone can sit and cry and be a taker. Most men want to contribute.

    • Tina says:

      Could not have put it more perfectly. I am a female making above average wages. My boyfriend of 3.5 years that I live with makes less than half what I do. The amount of money that he makes doesn’t bother me, it’s his lack of ambition to want to do better. We were afforded the same opportunities but I have moved up in pay drastically in a few short years, mostly because I have worked my ass off and demanded more. He seems to be perfectly content making just enough to get by and it’s that lack of drive and desire to improve his standings that bothers me. I have worked very hard to put myself in a position to spend money as I please and he makes comments about my spending habits that bother me. We have recently started talking marriage and are nowhere on the same page for the price of the ring. It’s the only thing that I am expecting him to pay for. I am going to be paying for the entire wedding, rehearsal dinner, honeymoon, wedding rings… EVERYTHING ELSE! I am having to settle for a ring that is less than I want because he can’t get his shit together and get a real job. Yes, he is a pretty great guy, for the most part. But to sit here and say that his lack of income doesn’t bother me, would be a lie. To clarify, I’m not asking him to make more than me or even as much as me. I’m ok being a woman who makes more than her man. I just want to see some kind of determination to better himself in any way, which I have not. He has actually recently started talking about how he doesn’t like his current job and I got excited thinking he was finally going to try. Then he started applying to jobs where he actually makes LESS! I am getting so frustrated and I find it so difficult to talk to him in a way that isn’t just attacking him but money is security for me and it is an important thing. Not the most important but it is definitely important.

  18. Tim says:

    Well ladies, it works both ways. What do you bring to the table besides sex? Apparently some women think just having a vagina is enough. To date me you must have AT LEAST a 4 year degree, preferably a graduate degree, and be well traveled, like me. You must have a steady job with a good attendance record. You must also not have any kids as I don’t really feel like raising another man’s offspring. Single motherhood, in most cases, is a sign of irresponsibility and making bad choices. I see personal ads online with huge lists of requirements then see a morbidly obese, tatooed single mom making the demands. Of course us men must appreciate you as you are, jellyrolls of fat included. We are supposed to be so flexible and understanding while most of you accept nothing less than perfection from a man. Ah, the double standards of feminism!

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles

      “Single motherhood, in most cases, is a sign of irresponsibility and making bad choices.” Hmm, there are such things as being widowed or divorced …
      It’s fine to have dating preferences and as long as you say that upfront — not interested in overweight women or women with children, etc. But please don’t blame feminism — please remember that for way too long, women were barred from colleges and from any kind of career that they could support themselves. For way too long, we needed to marry to survive (we couldn’t even get a credit card in our name until the 1960s, and men could beat and abuse us legally!) Now, 40 percent of women are the breadwinners in their family, thanks to feminism, and there are more than a million men who are SAHDs. Men couldn’t do that before feminism. Really, no one wants to go back to the days when women had to marry for financial security.

      • The 3rd Derivative says:

        Dear OMGchronicles,

        I know you wrote this in February, but I needed to chime in. Feminism has done some nasty things to our ever so evolving society. I wouldn’t exactly say that feminism is a god send. I am not going to lecture you here about my views, since persuading such a perspective is ever rarely listened to, however I will say that it is true that women are able to rise to sky in every financial facet and are now capable of showing supremacy over a household. With that said, there is no denying that, because of this, there is (and will be) more men who will not want to marry in fear of divorce and of a growing presence of emasculation. For those not familiar with this paradigm, It would be wise to take a step back and give this some thought…Yes, times have changed either for the better or for worse, but there is no denying there is a gender role struggle. There is nothing wrong with being a SAHD. I have no problems there. However, it is natural for a man (most) to have instincts that motivate his sense of purpose – to be the provider, bread winner, protector of his family. Take that away from him, and the result is… A man who will accept his fate as the men who equate themselves to anything less than satisfactory – without aspiration. Feminism has opened up pandoras box, and now lots of adversity with it – for our children, and their children’s generations.

        • OMGchronicles
          Twitter: OMGchronicles

          Thanks for commenting, 3rd Derivative. Hmm, I’d say patriarchy has done a lot more damage — to men and women — than feminism. But, OK, let’s not go into that; let’s just address what you said: “There is nothing wrong with being a SAHD. I have no problems there. However, it is natural for a man (most) to have instincts that motivate his sense of purpose – to be the “provider, bread winner, protector” of his family.” Is a man who provides for his kids and protects them in non-economic ways less of a man? Can’t men be more than that; can they not bring home an income and be wonderful caregivers for their kids? Some men want that and choose it; others don’t. Isn’t it about individual choice? You are boxing all men into a narrow view of masculinity: provider, breadwinner, protector, what you call “natural.” While some may choose that (and they should marry women who are the ones who have those traditional values, too, if they want a happy partnership), others may want something other than that — let’s respect, honor and encourage their choices, too, OK? And, for the record, feminism did not strip those traditional-minded men from their jobs or fates — technology, job outsourcing, the decimation of unions, the Great Recession, etc., etc, did a lot more damage then the fact that women want to work (unless you want us to be “gold-diggers”), make as much as men do (which we still don’t), be educated (you want a smart woman, right?) and have the same sort of freedom men do (yeah, we like time by ourselves or with our friends, too). It isn’t a man vs. women thing, so blaming one gender or the other is useless and solves nothing (if there’s a problem, let’s solve it together, not finger point!). If you want to be the “provider, bread winner, protector” then go ahead and do it; find a woman who wants that in a man (and not one who wants “supremacy over a household”) — those women exist — find a job that will support that and have at it. Nothing is stopping you or any other man from having that reality. Really. Not me, not the women who don’t share the same vision as you, not feminism. Find a woman who wants you to be the breadwinner and provider, and wants to be what you want her to be, and go have a happy life. I wish you the best.

          • The 3rd Derivative says:

            Hi OMGchronicles,

            I’m glad to hear your views. I appreciate the reply back. To your questions. “Is a man who provides for his kids and protects them in non-economic ways less of a man?”
            No where, in my reply did I imply such a thing, nor did the quote you took out, have a suggestive manner to that. But to answer your question, of course – I agree with you. They can bring home an income and be wonderful caregivers for their kids, but the message I was trying convey to you is that since we learn gender roles early on, it is to no surprise why as young boys, one would learn values that are geared more towards homeward stability and success, rather than other virtues, i.e. dependent behavior. Now you are right, not all men may feel this way, a good percentage of the American population may even agree with you, however you cannot deny that their are happy families with the man at the helm. Also, me stating that no problems with a man being a ‘stay at home dad’ should have alerted you that we were pretty much in agreement.

            You say, “for the record, feminism did not strip those traditional-minded men from their jobs or fates — technology, job outsourcing, the decimation of unions, the Great Recession, etc., etc, did a lot more damage then the fact that women want to work (unless you want us to be “gold-diggers”)

            This is subjective, any one person can blame the matter – especially if the opinions are biased. I can easily say current feminism is to blame. It’s just your word against mine. The “gold diggers” comment. A little unnecessary, no?

            You also say, “It isn’t a man vs. women thing, so blaming one gender or the other is useless and solves nothing (if there’s a problem, let’s solve it together, not finger point!).”

            I don’t recall saying it was a man vs. women thing, nor was there any fingers being pointed. I was simply stating my opinion on the negative aspects of feminism. You don’t have to agree with my views. That is just how I feel. I noticed your tone started to become more aggressive the more I read on. I can only conclude that you interpreted me wrong. That is unfortunate, but I get it.. Any way kudos and best of luck to you.

  19. Lynn says:

    Tim, I don’t think it’s a double standard. Both men and women want their partners to do their fair share whether it’s financially or help around the house, etc. My mother didn’t work, but she raised 2 kids while my Dad worked full time. In addition, I have a partner who is not perfect, but I’m trying to decide where the line should be drawn.

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for 14 months. At the 13.5 month mark he confessed to me that he’s out of money. I have a very lucrative job and am well on my way to pay off my mortgage 10 years early and early retirement. It was known early on in our relationship that bf makes a lot less money than me, but I didn’t care. We have had no fights or any issues in our relationship. He would pay for dates when he could, but other than that I would generally pay but it wasn’t an issue for me.

    Well, turns out he is in serious credit card debt (not from clothes, vacations, etc) but he stopped paying off his visa in full in late 2009 and his usual acceptable expenses and the interest kept adding up so that now he’s $26K in credit card debt. He also has back taxes, and he’s at risk of being evicted in the next 2 months. He has maxed out his cards so he literally has no money. He knows he messed up and I’ve made spreadsheets for him (I work in finance) to show him how dire his situation is… and no, he knows I won’t give him money. I’ve told him he needs to go to his parents (sigh, he’s 38) because they are in a position to help him out but he’s too embarrassed. I also told him about Chapter 13 BK but he’s not interested. I’ve also told him that if can’t come up with a viable plan to fix this and stick to it than I can’t see him anymore.

    As others have noted, he cares for me. He appreciates me. When he’s over at my place, he helps me out with household stuff without me really having to ask. He cares about people and I know he feels awful. I just don’t know how long I can wait for him or if I should just let him deal with it? After all, there’s no financial recourse to me but I’m not sure how my feelings for him should outweigh his financial issues.

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles

      Lynn, thanks for writing. It’s great that he confessed he’s out of money. It’s clear he made some bad choices. You are very right to help him get his financial ducks in a row and to ask him to come up with a plan. That’s being responsible and smart, and it’s the kind of action that either gender should be able to ask of the other.
      I dated a man who also owed back taxes and etc., and for way more than $26k. But he started paying off the debt by working two full-time jobs. You need to see action and within some sort of deadline. It’s tough to do, but it will be a lot tougher — and unhappy — if you continue on as is. Good luck!

  20. kathy says:

    ohhh i googled this subject because i am currently considering moving things from a friends situation to dating, with a guy i have been friends with for over a year.

    the last guy i dated about a year ago, he had this perception that i am rich because of teh suburb i live in. He would tell strangers i am a millionaire etc, all really embarrassing… I am not, i have a good lot of assets, (family inheritance put towards property which massively increased in value) but cash wise, income wise i am very average.

    I have two degrees and work as a professional and he ran his own business. Whenever we went out for dinner, i had to pay, groceries, i had to pay, weekends away, the inference that i had to pay unless i helped him out at his work for a few hours.

    Ugh so glad i got out of there. I did so for other reasons but once i did i looked back and saw i had been used all along for money. I suspected it but didnt sit and dwell much while it was happening

    My tip is if you feel you are being used for money by some loser guy, you ARE being used, and run run run immediately.

    The guy i am friends with now- well he is in unstable employment, casual work that changes each week. He lives in this unfathomable dump , and i mean a real bad ass student type dump. This is not for someone in their 40s. He could get something better, ie a room in a really nice share house for the same money. But instead he lives in this horrible flat, that i only just saw recently. Ive lived in some horrid places in my 20s, but this, this takes the cake.

    And he never has any money to go out. Why am i even interested? because he is a beautiful loving warm intelligent guy. But i want him to want something better! the man/emo teenager thing does not turn me on.

    And i am at the stage where i really want someone to be there for me, be able to rely on them , and i dont know if i can with this guy. Is it shallow?

  21. Kevin says:

    Would you date a guy who makes a decent living (he can afford his own bills, put money aside, and have money left over for fun) even if he despised his work and had zero ambition to find another job or get a promotion?

  22. Lena says:

    I prefer to be single and poor than to be partnered and poor. A fiscally impoverished marriage is a gutting embarrassment. I am on a disability pension and live in a rented home. Decorating is not an issue as I am creative and resourceful. I keep my figure nice and I can afford high end (anything I need). I buy plenty of ‘whole foods’ and drink good wine and coffee. I have kept my age well due to 49 years of uninterrupted sleep and for selfishly guarding my fertility until the right provider might appear. He didn’t, I am childfree forever and I have no regrets. I can enjoy shallow pursuits such as shopping and caring for my looks. I read plenty of books of many genres so I see myself as well-versed in a few topics.

    I consider myself to be a good catch. Self-educated. Attractive. Pretty house and garden. A boudoir for a bedroom. NO KIDS!!!!!! (And I won’t date a guy with kids by the way.) My disability is invisible and I manage it very well. I have my ducks in a row, as small as they seem.

    Why would I want a penniless man to come along and stuff all that up? A man of means is an aphrodisiac to me. Realistically, at 49, things are looking bleak in the man department but in five years I know that will change for me. Besides, I love being single and celibate. I love being that mysteriously single woman in the room.

    OK. Call me a shallow bitch but at least I am not making a poor depressed man feel worse about his situation by basking in my own stringent but easy one, right under his nose.

  23. Daniel says:

    Kind of a bit worried after reading this article, I am not the smartest person there is, I know I’m not going to go out there and become an Architect or a Lawyer or anything.

    But I do have a stable job, I earn less than the average salary but I have a stable full time job.

    I think one of the reasons I never did the whole go to Uni thing was because When I was in my late teens my mother passed away, then my uncle passed away a few weeks later, I couldn’t really cope with it all, I dropped out of school etc

    Didn’t get a job until I was 21, didn’t get, my license, move out of home and it really did a number on me, I was also picked on quite a lot in High School as I was over weight which I think affected me socially in terms of I have a minor case of social anxiety, it’s not debilitating but I do notice it and it affects certain things.

    I am 24 now and I am trying to turn my life around, I have been in the same job since I was 21 (however after chatting to a few of the people there they are known for underpaying), I have lost a lot of weight and am really trying to get in shape, I bought a car and have got my Learners and am working towards getting my license, and when I get my P’s I want to move out of home, I don’t think I’d be able to afford my own place at the moment, maybe a flat, so I’d probably be looking at a share place for now.

    The only thing is like I said I’m not the smartest person so I’m not going to be able to go out and get some flash high rolling career but I would like to earn more money, problem is due to my I suppose social anxiety the thought of going to Uni or something like that scares the hell out of me, I know not many people will understand as not many people have social anxiety but trust me it is INCREDIBLY hard to go out of your comfort zone in a social situation, I’m even finding getting out and driving to be difficult sometimes.

    I would never not have enough money to not be able to pay my bills or pay for petrol or pay for any gifts, or dates or anything like that but I just feel as I’m technically a low income earner I would never really be good enough for someone, even though I am a selfless, giving, caring person.

    Reading articles that seem to confirm that sort of “He doesn’t earn much so he ain’t worth your time, dump him!” mindset really get to me and sometimes make me think I don’t stand a chance, sort of makes me feel like a mans purpose in life now is money dispenser, his other qualities don’t matter if he doesn’t bring back a tonne of money.

    I don’t know :/

    • Daniel says:

      I guess I’m just feeling a bit worried, nervous.

      Like I don’t know I sort of see quite often if a man likes a woman based on looks he’s shallow, if he just wants sex he’s a shallow pig etc

      But a guy can be the most caring and loving guy in the world but if he doesn’t earn enough money for a woman’s liking, even if combined they have enough to live comfortably it’s perfectly acceptable for him to kick him out.

      I just can’t help but feel unless I get some sort of flash career I don’t stand a chance :/

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles

      Daniel, thanks so much for your thoughts. I hope what I wrote was not a “He doesn’t earn much so he ain’t worth your time, dump him!” mindset. I observe that many women indicate that they want a man who makes a decent living, regardless of his other traits. I’m not saying it’s good or bad; it just kind of is.
      That said, there are many women who don’t. Beyond that, this comment resonated with me: “I’m not the smartest person so I’m not going to be able to go out and get some flash high rolling career but I would like to earn more money, problem is due to my I suppose social anxiety the thought of going to Uni or something like that scares the hell out of me.” Let’s take them one by one.
      “I’m not the smartest person.” If that’s how you feel about yourself, you’re going to project that. Maybe instead of focusing what you think you’re not “smart” at, you acknowledge all the things you’re great at, good at and pretty good at. It’s a different mindset; instead of “I’m not …,” it’s “I’m good at …” Despite the things you think are bad in your life, there’s also a lot of good — can you acknowledge them?

      Then, there’s the social anxiety thing. You’re not alone in that. Lots of people have that or some version; in fact, 1 in 4 have a mental illness, from mild anxiety to OCD (my own son has that) to bipolar to schizophrenia and beyond. I agree; it’s not easy and it adds an extra layer on top of dating nowadays, which is challenging in and of itself! Add a low income, and …

      But, the biggest and best thing you can do for yourself is get out of the mindset that you’re not smart (you are!), and look for situations that slowly stretch your anxiety so that it’s less anxious. I recommend the book “Monkey Mind: A Memoir” by Daniel Smith. Again, you are not alone. Which means there are people with anxiety or who have compassion for those with anxiety who will be interested in connecting with others with a similar situation.

      This is not a feel-good “Kumbaya” thing; everyone is good at at least one thing, and most likely more. I hope you recognize and celebrate all the great things you bring to the world; if you believe that, someone, and most likely a lot of someones, will see that, too.

      Please let me know what you think, OK?

      • Daniel says:

        Thank you for the response.

        Yeah I definitely get what you’re saying, I think looking back on it, it’s not so much that I’m not smart I think it’s that I lack the courage to potentially fail at something, which I believe rolls back to the social anxiety aspect of things.

        Also the basic fear of the actual going into a campus and meeting all the people etc which social anxiety so cruelly makes out to be much worse than it is.

        I agree with the if my mindset is “I’m not smart” I will project that but I don’t think I do, I don’t go round to people saying “I’m not smart” or anything I think I’m pretty happy and cheery around people I just yeah, I’m not sure really.

        I didn’t mean it so much as your article gave off that vibe, I definitely noted you mentioning several times that it isn’t a massive factor for you, it’s more that I was on a bit of a cycle of reading these types of articles combined with the comments to the article the consensus I picked up was the majority was on the side of “if he can’t pull in a big wage his compassion and caring side count for nothing” and that just makes me feel like there’s a slight double standard that exists with certain things.

        Like I said I’ve been trying so hard to turn my life around but I just get the impression as long as I’m not pulling in big bucks it doesn’t count for anything. Again, not you or the article more just the general vibe I have been getting from various other articles and the comments to these types articles.

        Thank you for the recommendations too I will definitely check them out!

        • Daniel says:

          Pt 2.

          Also on the point of rather than see myself as not smart but rather focus on the things I am good at, that I am smart about. That is a very fair point however the point I was trying to make was it just seems like the impression I get is unless it results in a high income it doesn’t matter.

          Being a caring, selfless and helpful person are nice bonuses, but unless he has a high income, he isn’t even in the game.

          Like I said these are just the impressions I have picked up.

          • Sherry says:

            Daniel, at least you can support yourself if you live with someone. As long as you’re financially secure and can get an equal job if you lose your current one, I don’t see the problem finding a partner. At least you’re not unemployed, working a temp job, or working part time.

  24. joey says:

    Truth is that you’re in love with money, exclusively, even if you don’t admit it here, it can be visible from a million miles away. Enjoy your money-digging “hearts”

  25. ReallyAndTruly says:

    I have trouble attracting financially irresponsible men. My first fiance was broke when we started dating(weren’t we all in college? ), then came into a sizeable inheritance which he began squandering so fast I called off the engagement for fear that his spending habits would carry over into our marriage. I married another man , who seemed VERY responsible with money during our courtship (homeowner, steady job, attended university, in the Army). However, he lost his job shortly after we married, deciding to drop out of college and change his career path. We relocated to a different state so he could attend trade school, and I started my career in education. I’ve held the same salaried teachers position for 4 years, in addition to taking on odd jobs and side hustles to support us while he studied his trade. Its been two years since he graduated, and STILL not hired in his field. He held temporary job after temp job, until finally working at a call center, but he was still always broke. Not too broke to have a bustling social musician’s nightlife, however….NOT the reason we moved cross country! We discussed finances face to face, and I found out he had about $300 unaccounted for each month. I don’t know whether or not he was drinking it, partying it, or spending it on women,but I knew I grew so tired of paying for rent, groceries, utilities, dates while holding down a career and watching him live it up that I separated from him last summer, telling him I need to see him achieve on his own without my support before we can continue. I have my own apartment, vehicle, career and life. He is still unemployed and living with his band mate . Sometimes u just gotta let ppl be who they are. Broke men have broke ways. I found out my hubby didn’t buy that house; he inherited it and it wasn’t even payed off; the mortgage had only been $367 and automatically deducted!!! His dead grandmother had bought him his vehicles in high school, and the Army had given him his fun money, by direct deposit. So leaving the Army, his grannys house, and his hometown meant marriage was the first time he’d ever had to make financial decisions for himself, and boy does he suck at it. The only thing that could fix us is if I had complete control of our money and gave him an allowance. ..which I’m not doing cuz I ain’t nobody’s mamma

    • Jennifer says:

      I feel like I was reading my own story. Men who are broke like the men we attract are broken.
      The last two guys I dated sucked my dry while living the fun life. Staying up all night and sleeping all day. Giving me just enough attention to keep me hooked.

      I have hired a relationship expert to help me fix my picker. Because it is my fault these men come into my life. I allow this behavior. And it needs to stop.

      I have to stop feeling sorry for these men and trying to take care of them and fix them. They have a mama. Go drain her bank account.

  26. Bervely says:

    Very motivating stories

  27. Jennifer says:

    I am a successful business woman who has her own money, car, etc. Basically I have my shit together. I am like fly to fly paper for men who have no money. Listen, I do not mind dating a man who has a job that makes less than me. Money is not an issue at all. And I do not mind paying for things from time to time AS LONG AS there is respect, graditude, and a thank you from time to time. This last guy was very charming in the beginning. Took me out for dinner. Wined and dined me. I got hooked and liked him a lot. Then he drops the ball that he is broke and has no money. WTH? I said, “So you are low on cash I understand. Do not worry I will pick up the tab this weekend.” — 4 weeks later he was still at my house. Up until 3am drinking beer, smoking cigars and watching tv. He would get up around noon and start the pattern all over again. He would cook dinner but other than that nothing. There was no compassion. And when he did finally go back home I did not hear from him again until he was ready to see me again. Which means he needed money. I am sure! If he was cleaning my house. Taking care of my dogs. Helping me with my move. Changing the oil in my car, etc. I would have totally been okay with supporting him. But after a month I started to feel used and taken advantage of. Plus I found out he was lying about being in school. Why lie to me? That just added fuel to the fire.

    Anyway…I am about honesty. Loyalty. Trust. Love. Compassion. Fun. Hugs. Laughs.

    Money is just icing on the cake.


  28. Tosh says:

    I wish I had of followed my first mind n ran as soon as I learned his situation. I am currently dating an unemployed man that is recently divorced. He has prior old felonies from over 20 years ago and got into a verbal alteration that led to his ex filing a restraining order against him last year. I put together his resume because I volunteered in the unemployment center. Therefore, he has gotten many job offers. However, the restraining order shows up once the background check comes back. His ex refuses to remove it out of spite, yet she still calls him, harasses him and wants him back. (He has put her on speaker phone). Despite warning signs and his lack of money, I have fallen for him. I too have found myself paying for almost everything if we go out etc. Most times are spent at my house or doing free stuff. No gifts on holidays or my birthday. Everything is about him struggling n trying. Yes he works temp jobs but its just enough to buy his toiletries and a bus pass. He has nothing much at all. No house, no car, no steady job and 3 outfits. We have great chemistry, mind blowing sex but honestly, its not enough. At times it feels like he gets all my benefits for free. I have put men off that can and have actually helped me, just to give him a chance because I see potential in him. I have become resentful and irritated at times. I care but I dont want to commit to a broke man. Money really does make a difference in a relationship. Its a sinking, sufficating feeling to be in this kind of relationship. Your partner should be an asset not a constant bill…

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles

      Thanks for commenting Tosh. No one can take advantage of you unless you allow it. Great sex and chemistry aside, if you want a future that looks different, you may have to make a hard choice. I wish you the best!

  29. Donnal says:

    I’m a 54 yr old financially secure woman and I’m ready to retire or kick down to part time work next year. I own my condo and 2014 car. I recently started dating a great guy that is 59 has a 1st and 2nd mortgage on a 150k home plus is making payments on his 9 yr old car. He seems to be perfect except for that. I don’t think I can get past that and I’m afraid he’lol pull me down just as in about to retire. Am I a bad person to break up because of that?

    • Min says:

      Hi Donnal,
      I know how you feel – I’ve just broken up with someone because of being in a similar situation. I’m 54, financially secure, own my own home, have a high-paying job. He is a lovely guy, a few years younger than me, and spoilt me totally. However, he has no home, has loans, pays child support for 2 children, and has a job that doesn’t have a lot of long-term prospects. He’s struggling to pay his bills each week. I decided that there were 3 things I really wanted in a partner: 1 – treated me well. 2 – financially secure. 3 – my intellectual equal. Unfortunately – he dipped out on the final two. I possibly could have dealt with No 3, but really, No. 2 is non-negotiable. I have had to work very hard to get myself into the financial position I am. I was an orphan, and I divorced when my children were young. I had to really struggle to get my home, and succeed at work, and I do not want to be in a position where a roof over my head is at risk.

    • Theresa says:

      Hi, No you are not a bad person for not wanting that kind of situation and are wise to consider walking away. It is possible to discuss his debt and see if he is willing to eliminate it prior to a serious commitment. You are right, it is possible for him to pull you down financially and that won’t be easy to get back once done. In my opinion men are designed to provide ,protect , and profess their love. If they are not providing for even them selves, that is a red flag. To me men who don’t live out the three p’s are emotionally stunted and by virtue of their behaviors will put any woman in a mother role. Keep good boundaries financially and you will find someone who has similar ones. I hope this helped. Theresa

  30. Mike says:

    I am about 40 years old and had no/unstable jobs the last 5 years. I had a stable job before that, for 3 years, until the financial crisis and merger closed by department. Before that I had different jobs but only a few weeks of employment gap.

    Because of savings I have enough cash, plus a small amount in retirement. I have no debt, with education debt completely paid off last year.

    Women really dig me, but I have low self-esteem and don’t feel comfortable dating. I occasionally travel and visit family, and while there I help with cooking, trash, change diapers, get dishes done, take the kids to school, park, library, and activities. Everything a women would want except I don’t spend, not until I have a stable job and stable cash flow.

    I am not dating because I have no job and no stable income, and very high stress from all of this because I am getting older and finally after doing so many family activities wants to settle down.

  31. HebeGeeBees says:

    Doesn’t matter what has happened in society or the economy over the past 50 years. Millions of years of evolution means that the lizard brain still rules.
    Poor men have a low probability of marrying a rich woman, but a poor woman’s chances of marrying a rich man is substantially better (as long as she’s young and hot). Assuming a marriage has occurred, a woman will look down upon a man who has gone down in financial status, whereas a man will not look down upon a woman who does down in financial status. However, as time goes on, a man will feel less attracted to his wife as she gets older, fatter, older, and wrinklier. That’s why age-defying cosmetics and plastic surgery is a multi-billion dollar industry for women. Can you name a cosmetics age-defying line for men? When you go to the plastic surgery, what % are women vs. men?

    This phenomena is not exclusive to the USA. Same thing everywhere around the world.

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles

      The lizard brain rules only when people allow it to rule. Are we attracted to young and hot? Yes (women, too). Do we dump someone because we’re attracted to that? Sometimes yes but for the most part, no (remember, women ask for divorce two-thirds of the time).
      Most wealthy women want to marry a man who is equal (except for some wealthy women who look for a man who’s younger and hotter in which case, duh). I know many women in long-term marriages who did not look down on their husbands during the Great Recession and he lost his job (or had it significantly reduced). Many went back into the workforce full force. Sure, women use age-defying cosmetics and procedures more then men do (but men are just as vain about that stuff) — not necessarily because of their love lives, but their careers. There are many women who don’t care about a man’s portfolio and poower and there are many men who don’t care about a woman’s age and external beauty — those are the people who are happily forming partnerships that are deeply satisfying. So, look in the mirror first and figure out what you want; if it’s youth and beauty, great. Good luck. If it’s a deeply satisfying partnership based on more than just that, great. Good luck. There isn’t a right or wrong, but all of us know what we want and what we attract. Good luck!

      • HebeGeeBees says:

        “The lizard brain rules only when people allow it to rule.”
        Yes, it does.
        A variation of this article can be written as, “He’s short, you’re not — do you date him?” Why is this question rarely, if ever asked? Because 98.8% of women don’t want to date short men. Why the discrimination against short men? A lot of these gender type biases exist. Lizard brain rules.

        • OMGchronicles
          Twitter: OMGchronicles

          Are people not allowed to have preferences? I wouldn’t date a smoker — would you judge me for that? I wouldn’t date a meth head — would you judge me for that? I wouldn’t date a pedophile — would you judge me for that? I wouldn’t date a man with restraining orders against him — would you judge me for that? I wouldn’t date an obese man — would you judge me for that? There are some women who would date those men — don’t women marry convicts? — but I’m not interested, and that has nothing to do with lizards or brains. I wouldn’t judge you if you weren’t interested in the female smokers, abusers, meth heads, BBWs either. We like what we like, period. I never was attracted to short men but my boyfriend is my height — doesn’t matter because the rest of him is awesome. As I said, “The lizard brain rules only when people allow it to rule.” I have made exceptions as have many other people.

          • HebeGeeBees says:

            Now you go to some extreme examples using convicts and drug abusers to try to prove your point. I’m merely stating a simple fact that men are cool with dating women shorter than them, but most women (98.8%) of women don’t want to date men shorter then them. It seems you don’t want to agree with this simple observation.

  32. Lisa says:

    I have my own house living and supporting my two boys and 3 animals that I love very much. My both sons have jobs, one has a full-time job working 15 hr. days and the other part-time because he’s still in school. I teach them about budgeting and one is great at saving, the other not so good but still make him pay me something every month. I’m in a serious relationship with a man for over 5 years now, love him very much, he’s perfect for me in many ways but his business is doing poorly and he’s completely broke even having to sell his house very soon. I pay for a lot but because his situation is so bad and hasn’t and doesn’t seem to be getting better, I’m really leaning on not having him live with me which is something we’ve talked about doing for many years now. I don’t think he can contribute to my living situation and I can’t afford him too but if I break up with him because I’m fed up of his lack of money and his big debts that makes me appear to be an awful human being, not taking him in and breaking up with him at his lowest point financially. I just don’t know what to do.

    • HebeGeeBees says:

      Lisa: break up with him. You have to look after yourself first, then your boys. You can find some other dude that is at least financially independent. That’s my opinion.

    • Louise says:

      Lisa, I wondow how you got on? I have lived with my partner for over 6 years now and his business does not balance the books and I often pay for most things as his money tends to go back on the business or his own needs. I am tired of this as he does not help himself to find other means of work outside of his business which only really runs well for 3 months a year. He means well and we have talks about how he can plan better but he is more of a talker than do-er. I have felt pity for his situation for too long and my friends are now telling me I have to take more care of myself as I will be broke too if I continue to bail him out. As of yesterday I told him “the bank of me is now closed” We don’t have any food for tonights dinner unless I buy it again. Obviously we need to eat but I dont know how much longer I can do this without feeling resentful. I now see that this man is not motivated enough to sort his problems out even with my support he is still getting deeper and deeper in debt but when I offer ideas for solutions, he agrees but does not follow them through without a rocket up his ars*. Like you, I love this man so much, he has a great heart and loves me dearly but the stress of all of this is making us argue a lot over money. He wont even give me a straight answer of how much he made that day. I have now spent thousands of my investment money to help us move on but no more. Lets see if this relationship can survive now the money has been cut off. I will still pay the bills as I don’t want to be evicted but his 50% will be deducted from his money later this year. By the way, I earn way less then him even after business reductions! Good luck to you all. Love is never easy to walk away from without knowing you tried enough, but it can also destroy you.

  33. Karisma says:

    There is this guy I am with. We have only been seeing each other for around 2 months. I met him online. I am 35 and he is 46. I thought he was 40 when I first met him. Found out he was 46 later on. He looks young for his age but.

    I have a full time stable job and rent my own place. He is unemployed and shares with 3 Middle Eastern men. He is Spanish. Has his Citizenship. He has been in my country since 2009. Said he has worked the majority of the time since he has been here and is studying accounting. He is out of dept as well and lives on the dole (government benefits) to help him get by till he finds work.

    We went out on a couple of dates at first. He always paid but now don’t anymore because of this. He has always treated me well and accepted things about me as well. He seems so nice but having doubts. Anxiety as well because I don’t want to end up having to support him. I told him if he asks me for money he is out the door. He has not yet which is good. But still… Only early days.

    I have been in a situation before where I lived with someone who was a Trainee. Paid for almost everything. Most the rent and bills. Regretted not dumping him sooner because after he got himself sorted out. No thanks to me. He ended up dumping me!

    I never want to be in that situation again and red flags are starting to show. I want a guy with a bit more stability in his life. I never want to have to support someone financially again. It should be 50/50 when the relationship gets more serious.

    I am not to fussed about money. I don’t have to be with someone who earns $100,000, $200,000 a year. But would like to be with a partner wheo earns enough that we get by comfortably.

    I feel bad that I feel like dumping him but I seem to attract these type of guys a fair bit and want to break out of that cycle as well.

  34. Divided Line says:

    Men are three times as likely to commit suicide. Can you connect the dots?

  35. all done says:

    I asked my husband for a divorce because he did not work for several years despite having two impressive degrees, did not want to do anything and other problems that I will not get into. Needless to say, we tried working on them but to no avail. Also my husband was my first love; the thought of getting into the dating seen in my late thirties was nothing short of daunting. I figured I would just focus on my kids and career. Maybe date in 10 years.
    Enter my someone slap me phase. During my separation, i met mr.SoWrong. We would talk and smile like high schoolers. And to his credit before things got heated , he admitted that he served a couple ( yes, a couple) of brief sentences in jail for drug dealing. Not a good thing, I mean I was always described as a goody two shoes. He smoked and although employed he was so broke. But somehow, my highly educated, professional behind began a passionate sexual relationship with this guy. I mean, I embarrass myself, really. I was so into him that over time I helped him- to the tune of about $1800. I mean there were other guys who wanted to date me. Geez, I wasn’t even ready to be out there! Somehow, I told myself it was okay, when I knew it was not. I mean, what is wrong with me?
    So now, I’ve learned to listen to my gut- I could have avoided a doomed marriage, a drawn out divorce because my exhusband did not want it ( even though nothing got better) and a rebound relationship. Back to kids and career and so much happier to boot.
    Maybe in ten years though…

  36. Toughspot says:

    I am 31 year old woman who had worked very hard to be successful. I have a phd and a successful consulting firm that brought in 6 figures in its first year. My hubby did not complete post secondary. He struggled with an English course and ended up washing out of a program. He is always jumping from job to job and they never pay much but he works hard and is always employed. He contributes everything to our joint expenses and really doesn’t spend much on himself but it’s still so little it can be difficult because it places nearly all of the financial burden on me. It’s not a deal breaker for me because he is truly an amazing man. He’s been incredibly supportive of me through my education and with my struggles with a few health problems, he does most of the house work, and he’s even going to take time off with our baby were expecting. I guess for me it wasn’t a deal breaker but it would be much easier if he could make even 30k a year. I love him dearly but do find I sometimes get resentful. For example, a few years ago I was extremely stressed out and hated my job to the point that it seriously affected my health (including complicating a heart condition). I wanted to quit but I could not depend on him to support us until I found something and that really sucked. Anyhow, I think it is something to consider when choosing a mate but I also think it’s important to consider what they bring overall to the relationship. Are they helpful around the house? Are they emotionally supportive? Do they spend more time with the kids?

  37. Mike says:

    My wife is a doctor and I never graduated high school. We have been married 16 years. I have not worked for the last 12 years mainly just clean the house make lunch to take to her and cook dinner for when she gets home. Rest of the time I work out, if I where to work I would make minimum wage at this point and it would be more of a problem with the schedule. My wife wants to take trips all the time and attends conferences in other states and always wants me to come along with her. So I really could not have a job as I would be missing to many days traveling with my wife. She makes a lot of money and there really is no reason for me to work. I don’t spend money on anything really as all I do is stay home and workout in my garage.

  38. Randall P says:

    I have always thought that it was funny that in any discussion on the internet , the first casualty is always the English language. This one is no different

  39. Zaz says:

    There is site on the internet, called “the red pill”.

    Its puporse is to explain to men that women are incapible of loving them in any meaningful way.

    The red pill says that women are only capible of viewing men as whatever they can contribute financially, and their place in the social order.

    It says that while men are capable of loving and feeling protective instincts towards women, women are incapable of this response.

    This is why you will hear far less men leveraging such complaints towards a broke woman – even in a world where female breadwinners are fast becoming the norm.

    The red pill says men love unconditionally – regardless of a woman’s buying power. Women, meanwhile, love opportunistically.

    It basically says that a woman is incapable of loving men I’m any meaningful way, because women are incapible of unconditional love…..except when it is possibly directed at their children.

    It says that while a man will often be willing to put himself in harms way for his wife – for a woman, she is incapable of feeling the depth of emotion towards a man, to justify this response.

    To the straight guys out there that date Cis women: I truly do pity you, if this is belived to be true.

    Apparently, if you wanted to date someone capable of loving you unconditionally, regardless of how much you earned, you should have married a man instead.

    The romans thought that the love women could offer men was merely second rate – and merely based on temporary, conditional factors.

    Fulfilling these conditions does not mean you are loved any less or more – because you are not truly loved either way.

    All you can ever be is your financial status, and place in the social pyramid. You are a resource, and nothing more, as long as you let women such as this define your value for you.

    In a world where women make more than you, you live in a world where you are obsolete and meaningless – for this is the depth of emotion they have for you.

    The red pill believed the roman’s belief system to be accurate – and use this to justify misogny towards women.

    (I.E. All a woman can offer you is sex. Love, unconditionally speaking, is impossible – unless you are their direct off spring.)


    Now, I’m not saying I agree with this jaded philosophy – because I think a lot of it is social conditioning.

    However, based on the responces women have given here today – you might as well be credited as coauthors in a red pill publication.

    Every single response, backs up the red pill philosophy verbatim. I’d like to think the world isn’t primarily filled with such fickle, materialistic people.

    However – you’re certainly the majority.


    Guys – if you can’t find a girl that’s not like this, then seriously – find a boyfriend.

    Then you have someone who actually loves you no matter how much you make.


    Of course, if you reduce women to nothing but their physical appearance, then you deserve these people anyway.

    Both points of view are equally shallow and exploitative – so hey, if that’s the case, you deserve each other.

    So either way, I guess.

    • JDB says:

      I could not agree with this post or the above mentioned red pill philosophy more. My experience in hand being the primary example. Two years ago, I was conceivably by all means (in my mind anyway) “marriage material.” At 28, I had a usable degree, stable state government job, one paid off vehicle out of two, zero credit card debt, no student loans, no mortgage, and no children. I saved more money by having a work friend as a roommate. As a bonus I would always joke with my partners they would never have to deal with in-laws. At that time, I had a steady girlfriend of over a year, and never had trouble with women before. Then I was placed on leave for over a year while my shooting was investigated, and when it was deemed justified I was able to return to work, but chose not to.
      Where was my supposed loving girlfriend at the time when I couldn’t work? Increasingly pushing me out of her life, because now I was living on savings, watching every dollar going out. Now that I was no longer “useful” to her social, and economic prosperity, I was old news. Marriage and children were all up for discussion, until the point I chose to follow a different carrier path, and that would mean I would do without for a few years while I pursed my graduate degree.
      So now at 30, I still have little debt, a unusable degree, a far lower paying job, and trying to start over. How’s my love life going? It’s not. I don’t have to many preferences either, just no children. Short, tall, thin, a few extra, any race, doesn’t bother me. Though it seems I’m not of value until I return to my previous earning power, where a woman can say “look mom he’s a good guy.” That way she, and her mother can say yes he does ____ for a living, he has no problem taking care of the household.

  40. cliff says:

    I think men have it harder as far as obtaining a stable job, and keeping it. When looking for and dating a man you have to pay close attention to his values and his ambition. Money is not an issue unless it’s an issue. What i mean is relationships shouldn’t be solely based on the amount of money you make. If you are really in love live within the household income. A man should either work or be looking for work period. If you are unemployed your job is to find a job, that’s what a real man does. Women should encourage that man. Men let’s be men and take care of our women, and women fight for your man it will make him fight for what you want.

  41. Laynette says:

    Do not marry a man who cannot take care of himself. If he can’t afford an apartment, all the utilities, a car payment, grocery, and save a little money all by himself, don’t get involved. It was the biggest mistake I ever made and 15yrs later I’m still waiting for this 40yr old to get it together. I don’t care what anyone tells you, if he/she cannot take care of the basic necessities of life, they will always be looking for someone to “help them out”. A woman will never ever ever respect a man who always has his hands out.

  42. Cherylin says:

    Hello, I really enjoyed all the articles. I have been struggling with my boyfriend about financial things. I have a full time job and go to school and have a 5 year old daughter. He had a temp job and then got laid off, applied for his life insurance certification which took forever and I let him borrow the money to pay for the test. Then it took forever for the company to higher him and when he finally got hired, come to find out that selling life insurance, you only get paid if you sell. After working there for a long time, you get residuals. He ended up getting into a wreck. a guy was driving a company vehical and smashed into the back of his car. so now he is in therapy and waiting on getting a settlement. For the last 2 years, I have been the bread winner. He has a part time job at a pizza place, but I keep teling him that I need him to work full time until he gets his settlement check. It just seems like one thing happens and then another thing happens. He has an AD in Information Technology but isn’t using it. He has a drug felony from 10 years ago and he said that because he is black in West Virginia, he can’t get a job. I feel horrible. I am not asking to be taking care of, infact I have always taken care of me and my baby. I just think that a man should be able to at least pay half. its not his daughter, but if he is commited to me, then he needs to really go out there and not keep waiting on settlement money and his part time pizza job is just not cutting it. I feel like I keep waiting for him to be more financially secure and I am continuing to work overtime to keep the bills paid, but I feel resentful. Even though he does work part time, I told him that life is much more expensive. I am almost poverty and work over 40 hours a week. Am I right for expecting him to work full time so that he can contribute more financially. Sometimes he does clean up and mowes the grass, but he hardly spends time with my daughter, doesn’t spend money on her or me. In the last 2 years that we have been together, he has probably given me around 200 dollars from his paychecks. We just got into a very bad argument and almost got physical. He swears that from this settlement, he is going to get a million dollars because his is a professional boxer, but nothing real big from boxing. he isn’t mayweather or anything. I just thing that he is living a dream and I am more realistic. He thinks that with this settlement money, he is going to move out of West Virginia and open up his own business. He hasn’t even gotten the money yet. My question is, why can’t he just get a full time job so that he can help more around the house and not wait on this settlement. No that we had gotten into a big argument, he said that people who leave him during hard times are not good people. The people who stick around during the hard times are the good people. Does he not realize that I have been sticking around waiting for 2 years now? Please someone, give me some kind of advise. I am 32 years old with a 5 year old daughter. I work full time and go to school to finish my degree in social work. I sometimes think that I rather deal with the pain of being with him rather than dealing with the pain of being without him. I just keep waiting and waiting. I will feel kind of dumb if he gets a million dollars from the settlement and here I go, dropping him right when he may get it. At the same time, I have been waiting and its been one thing after another. I just need a man to help me and I believe in equality, if not the man be more responsible for the financial stuff. But I am a hard worker and have always been indapendant. It would just be nice to be able to rely on my boyfriend financially, not because I need it, but because it is what is right. He knows that I have a daughter and that I live a very hard life paying the bills and going to school. He said that I hurt his feelings when I asked him to get a full time job. He said, ‘what, do you think that I don’t want to work full time?” but the reality is, is he works part time and can barley help me pay anything on the bills. HELP, I probably just need to leave him alone. I am smart and intelligent and have a great personality. I am not money hungry, but I strongly believe that the man should be financially stable to take care of himself, and help me out at sometimes.

  43. Amy says:

    I’m am a financially secure widow with a good job, home, and two children. I was the breadwinner when my husband was alive, and it was never an issue. We never resented each other for our ability or inability to make money. We married for love not money, and we were incredibly happy. I’m not yet 40 and would love to marry again. I never really thought about money when I thought about dating, but I have a friend whom I adore and who has said he wants to marry me. My big concern is not that he doesn’t have a lot of money but that he has a lot of debt. He works hard at a job he’s had over 15 years, but for some reason he lost his house to foreclosure and has had vehicles repossessed. I have no idea why. He’s a wonderful person who loves me. He makes me laugh and has been a rock throughout the saddest times of my life, but his finances are like he’s a thief…borrowing with no intent of repaying. I never thought money would be a deal breaker and didn’t go into my first marriage giving money any thought. Could I get lucky in love twice or am I taking on an anchor if I pursue things with this man?

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles

      Thanks for sharing your story, Amy. You are already lucky in love — you found a man who loves you and whom you adore. You don’t need to marry him to have that love. Huge debt is a red flag, and marriage melds your finances; unless you are ready to pay for his debt, I would think long and hard about tying the knot. The way people approach money is very important, especially as we age and especially if we have kids. Maybe he’s willing to sit down with you and make a plan of how and when he plans to pay off his debt. In a few years, he might be in a better financial place and marriage would be more attractive. Your kids have already lost their father; you want to be very careful about not causing more loss in their young lives right now. I wish you the best.

      • Amy says:

        Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply. You’re right, I don’t need to marry him just because he asks. If he wants a future with me then he can fix his finances to make that happen.

  44. Mrdom says:

    I’m 28 haven’t had a gi since I was 21, single parent 24/7 all year no mommy. I just lost my job a few months ago that when I do start making money again I’m Going to start telling women I’m broke . Looks like today’s society is different I’ll pass on this dating bullshit…

  45. Confused51 says:

    Hi OK so he is my question … I deftly make more than my man. He has a degree but doesn’t work a full-time steady job. He does work and now lives on his own although he lives in apartment that has my name on it that I sublease to him because he has not so good credit. He does pay his rent but when we go out or go on trips I do pay for most of that but I bargain shop the hell out of it so it’s not so bad. Since he doesn’t have a lot of money most of the time he does do sweet things we wall again he finds us free things to do then I really actually pretty neat or we go to matinees stay-at-home want to movies things like that. I don’t think he’s a deadbeat but it does bother me that I make more money than he does and that he doesn’t pay for really anything we do… there are some times that he does pay for things and it shocks me which kind of makes him mad but really I wasn’t expecting it so the shock is genuine. When we are together out in public he treats me like a queen but the lack of his ability to pay for stuff still bugs the hell out of me.. Am I my wrong should I let it go ? He does have children and I don’t help with them for anything if they need something he figures it out and figures out how to get it sometimes I’m a little jealous of that because if you can figure out to get things for them why can’t he figure out how to get things for me.. dammit that sounds selfish.. Any advise

  46. Anonymous says:

    I can’t help but notice that the majority of the women supporting the decision to leave a poor partner happen to have been in *bad* relationships to begin with. Isn’t this like comparing apples to oranges? Of course if you date a dead beat self absorbed leech things are going to go wrong. I think the better question is what do you do when he’s the perfect guy but has experienced hardships? There are many contributing factors to someone’s financial status. You can make good money but still struggle with debt, you can make crap money and have no debt at all; hell some people are high school grads and make better money than those with bachelors degrees. I think the old way of the male being the bread winner is out, our economy is too crappy for that kind of relationship to be the standard. Basically if you’re making money and your partner is trying to contribute, and is a good person, then they deserve a chance, because you never know when you might get demoted and your partner finds something better. Life is full of uncertainties.

    I’d also like to add my experience to this. My fiance and I are both university graduates. He has acquired a reliable full time job with a decent salary (above entry level). I have applied for hundreds of jobs (including the bottom of the barrel positions) and been interviewed maybe three times in the last year and I am lucky to get a three month contract at minimum wage. We’re living paycheck to paycheck, anything I make goes into savings. All of his income goes into living expenses ( and we are renting at the cheapest rate available). Every day I struggle to keep myself together, he’s painfully optimistic but I’ve lost faith in our economy. I have no hope that I’ll ever get a real full time job, despite my education and skill set there are no opportunities in my entire province, and even if there was something elsewhere he’s stuck in our city because he won’t leave his job. There’s a conflict here; I feel compelled to leave to find gainful employment that will not only pay the bills but help me to feel fulfilled as a person, or choose to stay with my fiance at the cost of being poor and a burden to our relationship. To be honest, suicide is never far from my thoughts as each day I’m brought down by the tremendous sense of guilt and embarrassment at what I’ve become.

    So if you’ve gotten this far through the comments to read my story, and you’re struggling with a poor partner, remember that we’re not all lazy gold digging leeches. Some of us are dying inside and want nothing but to do better in a world that seems cursed at times.

  47. Cesar says:

    Holy shit, most of you people here are completely retarded. You discuss gender roles and money as if there was a clear formula.

    What’s the problem in a couple if either the man or the woman earns enough to support both of them? Why the hell worry more about the money when you should be worrying about being with someone who you genuinely like. that’s all that should matter…

    Most women want equality but when it comes down to responsibility and having similar roles as possible bread earners, you tuck your tail and run? Sexist much?

  48. NeuroChick says:

    From what I read.. it seems that those who have some sort of intelligence and ability to think ahead can value the importance of financial stability. I was in the middle of two situations. Both men loved me, both men were aware of each other and my choice. One man, was full of passion, fire, dreams, impulsive spender, and promises that he SWORE by to be financially stable… the other man, financially savvy AND stable, not as passionate to me, but he does love me, he is more practical and projects to save in order to be comfortable and travel in older years. Both of these men and I have some chemistry. One is more physical (broke guy), the other is more intellectual (rich guy). I chose man with money. I have money too. I chose the man with money because i gave broke guy a chance to show me that he was capable of responsibility and stability. He showed signs that it was too much of a gamble to stay with him. Practical, logical, stable, and good to me is what I feel is best in the end than passionate, whimsical, dreamy, and still good to me. Only time will tell I suppose.

  49. sofie says:


    Ladies and gentlemen I have a problem a dated this guy who is unemployed. But now I daught he loves me Cs he doesn’t listen or take take what I advise him with in practice he sleeps the whole day he just eat and sleep I just want the advise to knw if is he commited to dis relationship or not cs he doesnt help me with household either i have to come back to wrk at 8pm and cook he eats after want sex and sleep a hardly gets rest if i try to tell him he just laugh and tell me he will look for thr job next month even if i give him firections he says i dont knw the place it seems like he wants me to bby seat him.if i tell him how i feel he gets angry a dont knw if its a sign of hm nnot wanting a future bright with me or what pls help me or maybe he things bcs he is youger than me him job is to sleeps with me if i denies him sex he gets angry pls help i want to knw if maybe im being too hard to him or what

  50. Sara says:

    Had a boyfriend who was illegal in my country. Overstayed his visa for 8 years. Not saved a single cent. Very impulsive and careless about money buying weed, ciggarettes, sex toys, going nights out with the boys. He knows he couldn’t get a stable job because of his situation but he spends whatever he earns without thinking where would his next salary come from. He did that for 8 years! He is hardworking taking any job he can get but he has no financial values. I fell in love with him, he has a great personality, he’s funny and sweet. He looks after me in a very caring way, comforts me when I’m down and always making sure that I’m ok. He do all the handyman work around the house, takes the pressure off me when I’m tired. He is great with my son, plays with him, teaches his chores and also disciplines him. When work finally died down for good I paid for his airfare and gone home back to his home country. I even loaned him cash as pocket money. He promised to pay me back. I let him go home because I’m not ready to take him as my responsibility permanently. I let him go home to sort out his life and make something for himself. I did plan on visiting him after a month. But everything changed when he got home living with his parents. His mum dictates everything now and told him to sort out his life first before letting me to come visit. I said I’ll just visit you this Christmas. His mum said a lot of relatives will be coming home and there will not be anymore space to accomodate me, and that they will be busy with family. In short it looks like his mum doesn’t like me. He said his mum knows how he feels about me but is against the long distance relationship being that we are both miserable missing each other and crying when we Skype. He said that he loves me but he couldn’t provide for me and my son and that I deserve better. He said that he has already hurt me when he left, and now he is still hurting me for being so far away. He is struggling to find work, and his mum is on his throat all the time with work and money. He said I mean the world to him and that he wants to able to take me out or travel but he is always broke. And he feels like shit thinking that maybe it would be better for me if I let him go, and soon find someone who can take better care for me. He said he would still pay me and that he will not forget what I did for him. Once he found a job he said he will pay me back. It hurts so much. any thoughts? it hurts to think that I loved him at his worst. Now that he is back home, soon he will find a job, maybe a not good of a job cos he is a construction worker and did not go to college. But still there is chance for him to better himself and earn money regularly, and then someone else will benefit from that instead of me. I love every bit of him except that he is not financially stable. But he has a huge heart.

  51. thetruth says:

    I’m dating a broke man and while i love him, at times, its very challenging. Yesterday, he asked me for money to buy weed. I’m thinking, “Why should i give you money to buy weed?” Scratch that: “why should i give you money period?” I work hard for my financial freedom to buy whatever i want and do the things i want to do, not to support a grown man’s habit. And I’m not opposed to weed especially in Washington where it’s legal, but i see it like this: he’s a man in his thirties and im a woman in my twenties. Im also mixed. He is caucasian. Why can’t he get it together, as i have? And why should i have to carry him? I want a leader, a provider and support if i need it. I don’t think he is any of these things because he focuses on things he believes to be more important. While honorable on one level, on another, i think its stupidity. Why not focus on making money so we can live comfortably instead of philosophy which doesn’t pay the bills? It’s all, in the end, just a distraction. I may have to leave him for his lack of focus.

  52. dafish says:

    TLDR; Perfect partner, see a future with him (talks of marriage and moving in), unsure of his financial stability because reasons.

    Details: Both mid-twenties. I’m post-grad, he’s no-grad. I will have a stable career that makes an average 30k+ salary once I finish post-grad. He is an aspiring actor with one min wage, full-time job.

    Past months since moving to my city (we were LDR), he’s been living paycheck to paycheck. Before that, living on pennies too. Trying to be supportive of aspirations.

    He’s settled in to the city but doesnt have means to do anything: finish getting his degree, take classes he needs for acting, take me out, fly to see his mom, fly to see my family, go to movies, barely has enough money to buy groceries.

    He keeps saying “when I have money, when I have money, when I have money,” but his job is dead end and doesn’t want more than 1 job because acting – auditions and such. Can’t get better paying job bc everyone wants a degree these days – he doesnt have one.

    He also hates my charity – makes him feel guilty about not being able to provide yet he has no means to provide so whut m8? Provides GREAT emotional support, great sexy times, great conversations, great humor, helps around my apartment when I ask him, etc.

    Yet all those things don’t resolve his guilt over not being able to provide for himself/me. So, feels guilty though I try to make him not feel guilty YET he also has means to better his situation and doesn’t take the opportunities. What do, OMGchronicles? Any advice on how to navigate this?

    Nearing my wit’s end after 2 years. Want to continue relationship but seems like he will never get out of this rut – he may not even want to. How long a grace period should one person give another?

  53. AM says:

    No: for women money and security is the only valuable thing in men. Nothing else counts. We were both academics in the humanities. We both had PhDs, and she was a feminist. She had tenure; I didd not. She started being bitchy. I told her that her problem was my lack of tenure. She cried, said yes… and wrote me the worst vituperative e-mail ever; and dumped me. That’s it. Fuck integrity: make some serious cash.

  54. Liz says:

    Im not sure anymore if I’m in love . My boyfriend of 17 years passed away 3 years ago we have 3 kids together I met someone on line in July and been with this guy ever since . He moved in with me supposedly not to move my kids out of their school and for me to stay local to my job. He had loans he was paying and dos tell me about it so he was has been paying me 2 payments for the rent . He sends money to his children in an other county weekly . It’s been 3 months and the money issue is the same . I got really angry and told him that I was tired of him not having the rent money on time and he started to bring up his children need his money bla bla . We are like soul mates we never argue everything seem to perfect . But I feel that he’s taking advantage of my kindness . He doesn’t and hasn’t gave me money for bills he’s always saying oh when I’m done with my paying my stuff I’ll give you money for bills . It’s been 3 months and nothing . Today I woke up with him feeling confused . We were planning to get married but I’m not sure . Help

    • Louise says:

      Liz, I’m replying as you said help! I think you know the answer, just want confirmation that you are doing the right thing and not to feel alone again. I am so sorry about your loss. I can’t imagine how you and your children feel. My question here is how do you feel in this relationship? Is it giving something back to you? Is this man giving you happiness or are you too stressed about the situation. Can you accept that maybe you will be the main contributor? If not, this will turn into a unhappy marriage and I feel that you need to take care of yourself and your children and be with a man that makes you both happy. Not saying he’s not a good man, its really down to what is important to you. One advise I will give, don’t marry someone unless you accept them for how they are now. Good luck and take care of yourself. Its all about you now.

  55. JJ says:

    I am a high school graduate with no college, and yet I have been able to support myself my whole life. I consistently wind up with men that start out (what looks to be financially secure), only to have them all lose their jobs (yes, 4 of them), even though 2 of them were my boss at one time. While I was in relationships with them, all 4 have never recouped. One becomes more dependent and lazier than the next, until I have had enough and end the relationship, after several years and move on. I don’t understand how every man I get involved with starts out okay, and then falls into a money pit a year or two later, where they suddenly can’t afford ANYTHING! They can’t fix their broken down cars, they can’t afford a place to live anymore, etc. I am just wondering if there are any available men out there that can just hold their own. I am not looking for anyone to support me, or give me gifts, but sharing expenses equally would be just a dream come true. I had lost my job at one time too, but these men have just made so many bad decisions that they think will never come back to bite them. So again, where are men that can stand on their own, or how come I never find them? All four I met through work at a Fortune 500 business, so it isn’t like I was trolling the bars and internet. I thought I was being cautious enough. Thoughts?

  56. Dan says:

    I must say most of you are awful people. If he’s not willing to work hard for you, leave him, but that has nothing to do with money. If you’ll leave him because he makes less, but works hard, take a look at your shallow self. Your hurting someone who loves you, that makes you the one using him, or trying to. You are the lowest of the low and you deserve the person with money who will use you. There is so much more to life than money. Get over yourselves people you don’t deserve anything. About me: I have more than I need, a great job, and a great girl. And just by you being on this site I know you want to justify making a decision that you know isn’t right as a human.

  57. Sarah Lund says:

    Of course I would. Money doesn’t have anything to do with live. I can never understand how people manage to relate money to love. They’re two completely separate things. If a man thinks he can buy MY love with money, forget it. I’d rather hear him tell me how much he loves me and how he only has eyes for ME. And I’ve met those one-trick-pony kind of men, who tell you that their going to spend all their money on you because “they love you” 0yet money is just a poo ice of metal. Those men finally realised that money doesn’t impress me, and are now left to look for a woman who loves money.

  58. Ryan says:

    What’s really messed up is…….. I’m a disabled vet and 28 how do you think I feel

  59. Niles says:

    As a mid twenties guy with a low and unstable income myself right now, I agree with this article. In fact I am hesitant to ask girls out not because I’m insecure or unattractive, which I am definately not, but because I can already envision the future where I will cause pain in this potential GF because it is not natural for a man not to be able to care of his woman. (I am also not looking for a quick fuck in which case it doesn’t matter, which is why many broke guys are players and sleep around. (Not always though, like myself.)) Sad that in the modern age this is solely determined by the money in your pocket because plenty of us broke guys would be strong providers/protectors on another planet, but yet this is the reality we live in. This tard guy here who talks about Truth and Righteousness that all women are golddiggers is NOT a truther, he is a fucking liar. Men and women are wired differently, by nature (or by God if you are religious). We are wired to be the head of the pack, which means that a woman will find it hard to feel attraction for you (even if you are Brad Pitt) if you are below her in the pack. Not only this but the man will also start to feel unworthy because he is failing to live up to expectations, to himself and to his lover. Such a relationship is doomed to fail from the beginning, this is why I am focusing all my efforts into improving my financial situation right now (even though I’m very not greedy), before even thinking about dating, because I couldn’t look myself in the mirror if I was in a relationship and not being able to express my alpha self, because, that is my true self, I would just feel like a faker and a taker, but not giving anything back.

    (Paying for dates and all that crap is not old school patriarchical sexism, it is man expressing his ability to take care of you, in other words, that he is alpha. This means that all broke guys are automatically beta’s. (This rule doesn’t apply for quick flings, only for relationships.) This is why bedroom life starts to go downhill and eventually boom, she left you. And yes, it is completely understandable that she didn’t love you anymore, because love is a form of attraction. If she doesn’t want to have sex with you anymore, she probably has a hard time loving you either…)

    My life motto: “If something’s broken, fix it, don’t go crying in a corner.”

  60. TheTruth says:

    God forbid if a high salary Career woman should ever go with a man that makes a lot less money than she does. A miracle.

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles

      Actually, I know several career woman, a doctor, an attorney, an entrepreneur and a marketing specialist, among them, who married men who made a lot less (or none; they were SAHDs) than they did. So your point is …

  61. Apt says:

    As a guy, I have NO problem whatsoever dating a woman making more money than me, even significantly more. Maybe she’s smarter than me or works harder than me which is very attractive to me, and I feel like being with her will challenge me to become better (even if I never match her level because she’s more talented or something, I would feel proud of her and feel lucky to be with her). Or maybe she just happens to be in a profession that pays more. Make no mistake, I work hard, am ambitious and passionate about my career, and being able to make enough to support myself so as to not be a burden on someone – which I do – is extremely important to me. If my partner makes more, for me, it can only be a good thing. I’m even open to being a househusband if we decide to have kids. I’m open minded, don’t believe in outdated traditional gender roles, and don’t have the stupid “ego” that most men seem to have.

    The trouble is, there are barely any women out there who would want to be with someone like me, especially considering that I’m not particularly attractive physically (no one – at least no one I have liked – has ever found me handsome or hot in the least). That’s my sad situation, unfortunately.

    On the flip side, I would have no qualms dating a woman who makes less money than me as long as she is able to support herself (and as long as she is ambitious and passionate about her work). Supporting oneself, I believe, is one of the duties of being a responsible adult – whatever your gender or profession/passion. Don’t get me wrong. Will I help her out financially if she made a lot less than me or if she were laid off or something? Of course I would, but that situation would probably be a bit further down the line – like once we get into a relationship.

  62. Colin says:

    Oh dear…..

    I read this article then a few of the replies below it and I have to say I was shocked! shocked at both.

    Is this what we have become? Shallow insensitive people who are only concerned about one thing….how much money we or someone else can make or have?

    There are multiple comments on someone coming from “poor backgrounds” etc which go on to refer to those people as not being good dating material, and all from women I might add sadly.

    In an age were women are fighting for equal pay and a whole host of other things this really was a sad article to read……

    Why is it that a man who earns twice as much as a women or ten times as much as the next man is considered good marriage material…why?
    If he is an asshole….then he is an asshole! he always has been and always will be. And if the world and all it’s problems are anything to go by….like the desire and need to aquire everything and anything at someone elses cost…at all costs….it is these same high paid assholes that are the problem, not low paid broke men. And what is happening…..we aspire to that being the norm! They are being bred at a rate second to none. “Get an education son, make as much money as you can son” etc etc etc. Let me tell you something for free….I won’t charge you for it…..In that conversation there is never mention of a women…of getting married and having children. It is always and only about money! why? (think about it….give it some real thought love!)

    So lets just keep breeding A-HOLES, then when we are all extinct……..

    Thankfully there is always an alternative…..!!! thankfully.
    What do broke men offer the world?
    Broke men offer women firstly the opportunity to forge a career for themselves. Broke men offer women the space to get an education by making way for them. Broke men offer the emotional support to women needed to cut it in a male dominated workforce. How? because they know how the axe falls, the pitfalls etc. That’s not to say women dont but in a male dominated workforce men have the greater experience, at present.
    Broke men offer greater protection. That’s right…broke men offer greater protection!
    A broke man, will still stand his ground as he has more to lose than his high paid counterpart….under the current model.

    A broke man is at the bottom of the heap. Mostly it’s other men who stand on broken men but there are a few women starting to do it.
    Have you ever thought how strong an individual must be to become the platform for everyone aspiring to put a roof over their head or food on the table? Probably not if this article and it’s responses are where we are at….

    If a women values a man by his monetary worth and not by his true worth which is his character then it is women who will lose, not men.
    Money is fickle, it comes and goes but character has stood the test of time.
    Imagine a workforce full of women, run by women. Under the current model if we were to switch it today what would happen? Women would be at work making the big bucks and making all the important descisions to ensure everything runs smoothly and men would be either………..down the pub getting pissed, around at their mates laughing and joking or at a formula one race….and where are the kids while all this is going on and who is looking after them???

    Guess what!! women don’t need to worry about those things with broke men do they beccause they have no money for alcohol, no money to watch sports and probably no friends, none with money to pay for those things anyway.

    The important thing to remember here is the children. Good broke men offer good protection, sounding boards and generally good life advice for children of all ages…good broke men I said. (Currently the world is full of them so if you are a single women the odds are with you.)

    Behind every successful woman is a broken man, FACT!

    As a woman, if you want to succeed and dominate the workforce, make the important decsicions then you need a broken man behind you. A man broken by the male dominated system, why? because who want’s a man broken by a woman……..? Don’t women make men?

    Now get out a find a broken man and become the woman you are ment to be!

  63. iggycoyote says:

    Colin, really? Behind every successful woman is a broken man? I don’t think so. I agree, money isn’t everything, and an asshole is an asshole. I have a boyfriend who is just about making ends meet, and it’s very stressful for me. Why? Because I am a single mom, kicked my butt to get where I am. I’m also 60, and with a man who has nothing to his name. And I mean nothing. He’s a great guy, we have a lot in common, but it has taken a huge toll on our relationship, because I worry about a future, retirement, with this man. He works very hard, but is barely getting by, and it worries me. I have never been a woman who expects someone to take care of me, but I want someone that can pull their own weight next to me. I’m struggling with what to do, whether to continue in this relationship or not. Am I bad person? I don’t think so. All my girlfriends adore my boyfriend as a person, but they all completely understand the struggle I am having. It’s one thing when you’re in your twenties, but it’s another when you’re looking at retiring with someone.

  64. Tobe says:

    I married for love. Into a working family. My family was well ofg. Was married for 20 years. I knew my ex liked to spend but he started with small credit card bills. Over time we were in major debt. He financed cars every year at min. Boats planes and more. In the end he cheated and left. He didn’t think he’d have to pay support. He pays a lot for kids as he made good money but spent way more then he made. I did everything to support his career growth and moves. Now if i ever date i will ask about finances first. What their views on credit are. On saving. On debt. It’s not about the pay check but what their view on money is. It’s very sad when a family is destroyed because of one partners reckless spending.

  65. PayYourShare says:

    I think some of the guys are getting the wrong message that women only care about money when looking for potential marriage partners. Yes we care that they make enough to support themselves, just like we support ourselves. It is not about them being able to pay for more its about them paying their share! If I am dating someone I have no problem for paying for dates, but only if they pay for the next one, I want equality not to pay for everything. Or if you go to the movies you can buy the tickets and they can buy the snacks, see? I came across this site and have read through every single comment……I mean really the things some of you have said is so backwards. I am going to repeat myself, pay your share! that way there is no resentment. I made a huge mistake by letting my ex live with me for free so he could pay off his issues faster, fix his car, go to court to get custody of his child (which he never did) kept making excuses because he didnt make enough money. I paid for everything and loved him very very much…then one day I found out he was cheating on me and I told myself NEVER EVER again will I let anyone use me. Kicked him out and now he is living with the women is cheated on me with, using her just like he used me but still emails me telling me how much he loves me…..ARGH! Now I am back in the dating world and have dated a few guys that even though they make less then me, they pay for their own things and sometimes can afford to treat me(which is great, not needed but a nice surprise) I love buying gifts for people it makes me happy so I have treated them as well. It really is all about both parties being equal, and the drive to do better for yourself.

  66. TheTruth says:

    Well then again there are so many Career women nowadays that are so very independent, selfish, very spoiled and Greedy as well since they will Never go with a man that makes much Less Money than they do since many of the women nowadays really want the Best and will Never settle for Less.

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles

      So, are independent “career men” selfish, spoiled and “Greedy”? Do they want less than the best? Do they want to settle for less? Wouldn’t a woman who makes her own money be less likely to be a “gold-digger”? Do men really want women to marry them to support them or do they want women who can bring their own money and stuff to the table so they can be equal partners? What do you want — a dependent woman who’ll marry anyone who can support her or an independent woman who seeks a good man not for his wealth but for who he is?

      • TheTruth says:

        Well it is very true what i have said with my last comment which Most of the women today Unfortunately are very Spoiled, Selfish, Greedy, and very money hungry as well do to their Careers that made them that way which is very Sad how the women of today are Nothing at all like Most of the real Good old fashioned women were years ago that really made a much Better Wife anyway which today Most of the women that make a very high Salary do cause Most of the divorces now and it is a Known Fact. They’re very much to Blame why many of us Good men are still Single today, and there is No Reason why we should take the Blame since many of us men are Not Single by choice. And many of us men which i am sure that many others will Agree with me as well since many of us had really been Hurt by these type of women already. Just remember it does Take Two To Tangle to get married since many of us men which i will Admit that i really Hate to be Single when many of us Would’ve been all Settled Down by now with our own Good Wife And Family had we been born many years Earlier since we really Could’ve Avoided this mess today. Born at a very bad time for us.

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