When I asked a friend recently how she’s doing, she paused and answered, “I keep wondering if this is all there is.”
She, like me, is 50-something and like many 50-somethings we are empty-nesters or about to be empty-nesters; we’re either 20-something years into a marriage or divorced. We’re in the so-called “midlife crisis” years, a time when we question what we’ve done (and, more likely, haven’t done) and where we want to be.
It was odd timing, coming just days after I read Monique Honaman’s provocative post in the Huffington Post, I Just Wish He Would Have an Affair, in which she details how many wives have confided in her that they just don’t want to be married anymore:
These women are done. They say they aren’t happy. They say they aren’t in love with their husbands (or any other man — they aren’t having affairs). They say they simply wish they were no longer married to him. They aren’t fulfilled. They wonder if this is how they are doomed to live the rest of their lives (and God-willing, most of them have another 40+ years ahead of them). … The common factor amongst all of these women is that they say that their husbands are really solid, good, nice men. … they just don’t want to be married to them anymore because they have fallen out of love.
That’s a curious place to be but not unusual. Ms. Honaman doesn’t say how old 
these women are or how long they’ve been married, but since she indicates they have another 40-plus years ahead of them, I don’t think I’m off in guessing they’re in their 40s, 50s and 60s — yep, midlife.
Why is midlife so wrought with angst for women? Well, beside the study that found that age 48 is the pivotal year for women’s unhappiness, women tend to be more prone to depression anyway. But at midlife we’re dealing with menopause, the loss of our role as nurturer, the loss of our youth and beauty, etc.
And I don’t doubt that some women have been inspired by the “Eat, Pray, Love” life or, what AskMen calls the Second-Act Syndrome: After raising a family and tending to the home and baking brownies for the Boy Scout fundraiser and volunteering to drive on who-knows-how-many field trips while doing paid or non-paid work (and, yes, being a stay-at-home parent is work), it’s finally “me” time. We want to stop nurturing others and start nurturing ourselves. We want to feel a little bit selfish instead of selfless.
But does that mean men are out of the picture or just husbands? Since, two-thirds of all divorces are initiated by women and many women tend to do well after divorce, it’s a valid question to ask.
Blogger Dalrock has an interesting post titled, Are Women Done With Men After Age 55 in which he believes he dispels the myth that women “are wired to prefer to divorce and live alone later in life.”
I don’t believe we’re “wired” to that, but he’s missing an essential point: There are many women who do not divorce but live in loveless and sexless marriages for a variety of reasons (as do men) nonetheless. As Pamela Haag discovered while researching for her book “Marriage Confidential, “33 percent of respondents agreed that ‘even if you’re unhappy, you should stick it out for the children.’ That’s up from 20 percent in a 1970 survey.” And as Pamela Paul detailed in The Undivorced, many couples live together but have separate lives. So much for being married happily ever after.
So, where does that leave middle-aged divorced women? Are we done with men?
For some, yes. There are a number who put aside their all their needs, including sexual, to just focus on their kids. There are also many women who prefer the company of girlfriends to men, throw themselves into their career and travel, and relish their freedom. There are many women who want to find love again but give up, frustrated, unhappy or uncomfortable with the 50-plus dating scene. And then there are older women who are happily dating or in relationships — according to an AARP study, most divorced women in midlife do find someone new — 75 percent of women in their 50s reported enjoying serious, exclusive relationships after their divorces, often within two years, compared with 81 percent of men in their 50s (although more older men tend to marry again than older women).
All of which would indicate that, no, women in their 50s and beyond are not done with men.
We just may be done with marriage.
- Do you think middle-aged women want nothing more to do with men?
- Do middle-aged men feel the same way?
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It has nothing to do with age. Its about being awake. If your still in the “game”, you will play along, again and again. Until you reach a certain age, 48 mostly, then you start to wake up, and you either keep bitter about that you love fairy tale will not come true, at least not here in this place, at this time. Or you adjust to it, and you live your life free of all these false hopes and burdens. But I am 32, and I woke up already now. And I am done with men. So it has nothing to do with age.
How do you know it has nothing to do with age since you’re only 32? Unless you’re a rock, you’ll change over time.
Sweetheart. Im pretty sure there’s a few Men that will say the same thing at 32yr. Im sorry to say at 45 i am just sick of the headache that males receive. Sorry ladies but you cant have it all! Everyday it seems more and more women get want they want, but less of what they need. And then they all go searching for the impossible. Be happy with what you have. As for what you have can make you happy.
I’m 44 and done with women. At sixteen I already knew that the girls/women I was attracted to, ie attractive girls/women, were out of my reach and the best I could hope for was someone with average looks. But because I was young and optimistic I pushed on in the hope that somehow I might get an attractive girl/woman. After three decades of being rejected by the women I was strongly attracted to and “settling’ for women just because they were available, I finally got to a point where I just couldn’t do it anymore. I only wish I hadn’t wasted three decades of my life confirming what I already knew at sixteen. The dating game is fun if you’re one of the few guys who can pull gorgeous women but for the majority of us it sucks.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
Chris, why are you so set on only being with beautiful women? Isn’t the whole of a person what makes him/her attractive?
Quote: “Isn’t the whole of a person what makes him/her attractive?”
Answer: No.
Your wasting your life being alone. Your shallow. You seek shallow. Grow up dude! Passion is fleeting! I’m one of those gorgeous women. I seek brains, Passion, humor. It’s your shitty attitude looking for arm candy.
I believe everyone wants to be attracted to their mate. As a 50 year old, 5’6″ tall man, I can tell you that MY experience has brought me to a MAJOR compromise in order to be able to be married and be able to experience fatherhood.
Things I find attractive in a woman:
5’0″-5’6″ tall (Wife is 5’2″)
Two – ten years younger than myself (Wife is 8.5 younger)
Thin – athletic – H.W.P. (Wife weighs 220 / 40%BF, says she is “Sloppy”)
Educated (Wife is RN / Professor)
Sense of humor (Wife has a D-I-R-T-Y mind…)
List looks pretty good, right? She fills the bill in everything I could ask for… except for weight / size.
I do not expect her to be 5’2″ and 110 lbs; her genetics lean toward carrying a little extra weight. However, I do expect her to at least take a walk, eat sensible, and use some of her extensive medical knowledge to see the risks she is living with as a result of her obesity.
Yes, I admit, I am a man AND am somewhat shallow when it comes to my vision of what I see as beautiful; my wife WAS VERY BEAUTIFUL (According to the photos) when she was young, but I did not know her then. I met her AFTER she had two kids and was 40 lbs over weight; she has continued to gain without much attempt to control her obesity.
I am NOT a man that would ever be unfaithful OR break up my family over the issue of her weight, nor do I hound, whine, or degrade her because of it. This is a very difficult position to be in; depression abounds.
These males illustrate exactly why we are no longer interested in being involved with them, there is no relationship, only a projection of male fantasy. These are the males who end up purchasing asian girls from overseas.
Every person on this little planet has their own idea of “beauty” to persecute Chris on his idea of woman’s worth internally or physical is wrong! Shallow?? Who are we to judge? Beauty is is in the eyes of the beholder.
Listen moron, I could see it if you were 6’2″ and had model looks. However, you probably are 5’4″, fat and your face looks like a Domino’s “Meat Master” pizza. You have to “walk the walk” before you can “run your pie hole”.
“Pull.”
You did pick up. For years. Got it. And it taught you to value women solely by a specific set of physical criteria that not only ignores who she is, but ignores what you yourself have to offer in this area. Why did you decide to become a person who sees life on such a shallow level? You missed so much.
And now you’re bitter.
You needed to see long ago what was wrong with your worldview. Nobody can help you out of this now. You might be able to still help yourself, but it’s going to take a lot of courage to see the truth — the real truth.
I understand you want someone you are physically attracted to, but looks eventually fade and personality is forever. I don’t mean to be critical, just honest.
This is to “CMP”.
Funny its women with shitty attitudes like yours that drives me to look towards Asia for nice women. There happy with a guy just for loving her! Not your trashy Western-ised mentality.
Wake up an see why men like us are sick of women like yourself! A Narcissist. Bitter and twisted because guys can and do do better looking offshore. Yep, they can be real women! And thats what males want. Go figure.
One doesn’t know the true beauty of any person, man or woman until they spend some time with them. The best sex is when you connect with their souls. Yes, there has to be some attraction, but unless you spend some time with them, you don’t really know how attractive they are to you. To have the type of intimacy with someone by connecting with their soul is how you will find true happiness and the best sex you can have.
I think we are put here on earth to become more fully aware of the divinity in our relationships which means searching much deeper than the skin. The whole package. This takes time. We attract what we are; what we have to offer.
Terrysue,
I’m 53 and divorced twice (8 year marriages). You’re absolutely right about making that connection: intellectually, spiritually, emotionally, and of course sexually.
Even the Bible says we’re supposed to communicate with our spouse soulfully and NOT with our flesh- because the flesh is selfish, weak, and needy.
I’m still holding on to the hope of having that awesome, complete, and connected marriage!
I hope you find happiness I know some men are bad but I have always been faithful in my marriages and did housework took care of the kids and worked hard even had 2 jobs for 5 years. My return my 1st wife cheated on me my 2nd wife took everything from me until she died of cancer and now my 3rd wife after 23 years tells me she is not in love with me anymore and I bought her a house and helped her through her hard times losing her job and knee replacement ect. I have nothing else to give my back is very bad and my dad is dying so not every man is bad!
That’s what you get for being a man!
Yes isn’t that true! This article hit it perfect with my wife to a tee! The only difference is that she is 58. I work out everyday and am in great shape at 57 drive a nice muscle car and make a decent income and own 2 houses. I will inherit a nice sum of money within the next 5 to 10 years maybe sooner. Maybe I should look for a younger woman to enjoy the rest of my life with?
I hope all men and women find what can make them happy.
Lets face it no one is the same. Everyone wants or does not want a relationship. Just don’t expect to get what you want.
don dressel, wait. two houses? muscle car? in your july post you act as if the women you married drained you of ever dime. apparently, that’s not true. also, i imagine that at least one of your three wives worked? so, they added something to your life financially as well?
you do seem like a nice guy, and if you think you can catch and keep a younger woman, or live with the fact she is only using you, by all means knock yourself out! OR, you could try to find a good woman (there are tons out there), that would truly love and cherish you, and stay with you until the bitter end.
Oh hell yeah, by all means go for the younger, hotter women. I only date women at least 10-15 years younger and they are great. Just don’t marry any of them since there is nothing in it for men.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
Don — didn’t you buy a house for both of you, not just for your former wife? And, wasn’t the helping her through hard times and knee replacement part of the marital vows — in sickness, in health, for richer, for poorer, etc. — you said on your wedding day 23 years ago? I believe it is. Those vows mean that the person you married took you at your word; wouldn’t you want and expect your wife to help you through your own hard times and knee replacements? Of course you would. Would that guarantee that the marriage would stay intact? No, but I can understand how you and others might be upset by someone telling us he/she didn’t love us anymore after all the kindness (which, again, was part of what you vowed). Still, that’s what love — and life — is. One big risk. There are no guarantees, even when we are being and doing our best. That doesn’t mean we should stop being our best or that we should stop believing that others are also trying to do their best. It just means that we shouldn’t necessarily see that as a guarantee that everything is going to work out the way we want it to. I hope you are getting support and kindness from others — family, friends, co-workers, etc. And I wish you the best.
Yes thank you for your reply. Yes you are correct I was just saying I sold the only house I bought by myself so she could have her dream home and as far as her medical issues you are correct I did it because I love her. Now that my back has given me problems and I have had to take pain killers for it she has gotten tired of me on pain killers. My response has been I have gotten off of them work out everyday and have lost 33 pounds. Yes life and love are a risk but at 58 her age does she think she is going to find a young man to take care of her? She has told me her fantasies about younger men. I am 57 but I have been told I look 47 I work out everyday and lift weights so it is not like I am a fat slob that sits on the couch. I treat her very good helping around the house taking her out for nice dinners and we have a lot in common so why is she willing to throw it all away? Thank you for your reply Take care
Because she is typical of middle ages women. They have hormonal losses that throw them out of whack then being natrcissitic, blame the man. It is something they will be punished for eventually. As you said, they even leave solid men saying they don’t love them anymore? How psychologically messed up is this? I believe that young men have caught on to this and have read that they refuse to live even in common law with a woman therefore, the Baby Boomer women have created this chaos for yoyunger generations of women. They were soo catered to in every which way. In fact, all males as far back as they can recall spend more time trying to please women than any other activity. Now women wonder why so many men resort to being satisfied viewing dirty films. The risks of getting invloved are so dangerous and all-encompassing. The birth rate will delcine more each year until the white race becomes dominated. Before this, Independent white women will eventually turn to white men wondering what has happened to them since they won’t protect, provide nor be romantic. And these same women will lose their current power and control inside and outside the home. Interracial marriages for men is the only hope but then again, women are the same all over this planet with priorities different from men. Security or money is their God. Proof of this is, when they make good money they dislike sharing it and thus look for a man making equal or more. How self-(indulged) is that. It will all come out in the wash as marriage and common law will become obsolete someday IF the planet lasts. Laws won’t change to correct women but when more and more find it hard to find a man who will have a child, THEN they will panick and maybe revert back to giving again at least as much as they take.
Why the hell are you justifying yourself to her? Throw her worthless ass out and stand on your own feet. A man who is comfortable with himself and can stand on his own is better than an interdependent man who tries to justify himself to a “worthless piece of crap leathery old broad”.
She is willing to throw it all away because she’s an idiot, probably not thinking straight. In that case, good luck, and I hope you find a good woman. She fantasizes about young men? HA HA. Good luck to her finding one that will want her back. although there are plenty of young guys out there looking for a mommy. Best wishes to you, Don.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
Sunny, why are you done with men?
I am 50 but not done with men. I am done with marriage!
You are not alone.
In two recent surveys, when divorced women 45+ were asked if they saw themselves remarrying, the majority said no. The majority of men said yes, by the way. Almost 70% of divorces are initiated by women, so I guess it’s not that surprising. If I am remembering correctly, the main reason they gave for giving up on marriage is that they spent years taking care of a man and their children and they did not get much back in return.
Only 30% of divorced men and 28% of divorced women 45+ remarry.
In an AARP study of women in their 50s, most were in long term relationships and dating or living with their partner, but had no interest in marrying.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
Lisa, thanks for commenting. According to the AARP study The top reasons women left were physical or emotional abuse, infidelity and drug or alcohol abuse. But I do believe that after many years of caretaking, we would like a break (or, if we can, have someone care for us!)
I am now 58 and my wife is 59 and is leaving me and I am selling my home and moving in with my parents to help with my aging dad to help him until I buy the new homes they are building near by. I treated her good and she agreed but wants to at 59 go out and explore the dating scene.
I am puzzled and keep asking myself why? She is angry at me and wants nothing to do with me! I never cheated on her and brought her breakfast in bed , helped with the housework and brought her flowers and did everything she asked of me.
I keep myself in good shape and I guess I am just to nice and way to stupid!!!!!!
I am a 52 year old woman who has been divorced for nearly 7 years from a 20+ year marriage. My ex and I are still friends but don’t speak or hang out due to his girlfriend being jealous and they have kids now..I would not want to get in the way. He cheated on me but that does not make him a bad person. We just moved on. I just sold and bought what is now my second home. I don’t have much money but I live on little to get by and live in a home instead of an apartment. I have dated a few men since my divorce. One was completely certifiable and I ended up at the women’s shelter. Another was lying about him being single. When I found out he had a fiance’..lets just say he was out of my life quickly. Yet another, I went on one date with and got texts from him when I got home because I “didn’t put out” and he wanted to know what I’d put out on a second date. Done with that one! after the first date. The last one I dated, I found out he had multiple felonies and was a bad alcoholic with cruel tendencies and needed nothing more than a ride because he has no license, money, or real friends or family that will help him. I am not done with men. I love men. I just would like to find one who is honest, loving, caring, has a good sense of humor and has the ability and desire to love me as I am, flaws and all. I have no problem giving all of that to a man and would just like to feel loved too. Many times I have been told I am beautiful. I don’t see that beauty but, I have been reassured that the compliments are real. I am not a debutante, my old house is rough..little wiring completed, no water yet, walls not completed, etc. T-shirt’s and jeans are what makes up my wardrobe. I can’t afford fancy and I don’t care. I just like being happy and having reasons to smile. The men I’ve dated have wanted to immediately move in and call my house their house, take over as the king of castle and my thoughts, opinions, work, all are just going against his rule. I don’t get it.. The last one (age 54) told me repeatedly how beautiful I am then in another breath..after getting quite drunk..he said the young girls, women don’t look at him anymore and now he’s stuck with a woman his own age. I cried more tears than I could count. He also took me on a picnic but all he talked about were his past wives and all of his past encounters. Later he said he couldn’t believe he spent $24 he didn’t have to take me on a picnic he didn’t even want to go on but did it because his sister said he should. There is a lot more that was said before I dumped him off back at his house for the last time but it’s not worth talking about. These are the kinds of men I keep meeting over and over again and I am almost afraid to open myself up to men anymore. I’d love to find someone to talk too, even online but, been there done that too. I lost my best friend last year. He was only 56. He was my brother (by choice) and I miss him with all of my heart. We were not romantic, were were like real siblings. We could and did talk about everything, laugh about anything, and if I can’t find love, I’d sure enjoy finding another man to converse with who has one ounce of the heart my brother (by choice) had. What this all comes down too is that I am a woman of 52 years who does love men and wants to spend the rest of my life with one who can and is able to love me as much as I can and am able to love him. I just don’t know where to look anymore and I am at the point of giving up. I’m thinking of selling my house, buying a pickup and camper and traveling…alone. I don’t know what has happened to humanity, compassion, love, common decency, or respect, but if I ever find it in someone then I might give love another try. There are a lot of angry and hurt men posting on this page. My heart goes out to them for all they have been through and are still going through but I just hope they will one day realize that not all women are gold diggers, spiteful, manipulative, ugly from the core creatures. Some of us have been hurt just as bad as you and yet, we don’t become bitter, angry, or hurtful. We maintain that love and gentleness along with a sense of humor because being happy and smiling on a regular basis is what gets us through life…while still holding onto hope that we will meet someone who makes us feel butterflies again… Sorry about the ramble…
D. What a beautiful comment. I am so surprised no one has commented on it
Im 53 and was always open snd generous.
I had a wake up call in yhe form of 2 great men who put me through a wringer. They are dear friends and the taught me some very important life lessons about men, relationships and myself.
I hope I can stay bitter free. It seems to be hard these days
Your post inspired me
Thank you
Well…as I’m sifting through the comments…I cant help but see myself in a little bit in all the comments. Typically I’m on the fence…iv!e been married 34 years to man that had my back emotionally financially and lovingly….today……that is slowly declining. He rather we have been through some pretty tough times that were indirectly our cause…but effected us because it was loss of a parent…battles over wills…and econimical downfalls. Our two children are young twenties which we put them both through a great university and without a sigh of relief they both announced getting engaged. So two weddings in two years. You might say my husband and I were strapped to a strict budget for us as we dilligently saw through 8 and a half years Of commitment to our daughters. I dealt with it just fine and he complained a lot…anger soon succumbed him and at 54 I think my husband has let himself become a victim to everthing. The everyday life happenings has now become so personal to him that he thinks he is jinxed or cursed. He refuses to see his picking on life ways and has become so combative with me making my love crush I have had on him fade. I contemplate thoughts of moving on without him but its hard when you know the wonderful man..father..friend..and lover he once was. If only I……..well we all know I can’t fix another!!
My wife beat me.while she sucked my name.
I am a 58 year old man that has been single the majority of my life. In my earlier years I was very lucky with woman. Now, you would think I was invisible. I am not alone on this. Many of the people I know either say the same thing or when asked agree that they have noticed the same indifference from woman of a certain age.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
That’s interesting, Huntergatherer. Of course, women can be as vain and “shallow” as men, wanting someone who has hair, is fit, dresses attractively and who has a good sense of humor and charm; are you sending the wrong message?
I want a woman who wants me. It is very simple at first sight. I am not through with women at all, because being alone, or being gay is not my choice. I have been married three times since I was 19, my last Ex changed into a person I didn’t know even though I tried to understand her wants and make her understand that she was still the most important person in my life. Everything still fell apart. Now she is married to someone else, the kids do not like him. And all I have left is pictures and memories, and the kids (grown up and making their own lives).
I am of the opinion that women do not want men in their lives today after the age of the change. Whether menopause happens in their 40’s or 50’s, men are discarded by some women like men are yesterday’s trash, used, unwanted, and unimportant. I thought that marriage was forever, like my parent’s marriage. I am sad to find out that I was wrong. I will be patient, and maybe I will be fortunate to find another to love.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
I’m sorry that that was your experience, longshorts, but there are many women in their 40s and 50s and beyond who actually do want men in their lives. But, marriage isn’t always forever nor should it be if it’s unhealthy and cannot be salvaged. I’m sure you will find love again, but you will have to think differently about women for that to happen.
I agree that there is (or was) a stigma attached to marriage. I was married for 22 years, now divorced for 6. I know some happy couples who carry on healthy and loving relationships and will never marry. Sometimes they live together, sometimes they choose not to. There is a level of trust, independence and maturity that accepts the other and his/her life’s emotional and physical trials and travails. I have dated often but have not met the woman whom I am comfortable with to travel the journey that is the rest of my life. I will know it when it happens. My heart will flutter, skip a beat. It’s not about age, although physical attractiveness and fitness remains the initial point of allure. Can we make the effort to totally understand each other? Can we — and this is important — just listen? Can we be there — and more than just physically — during our partner’s times of angst? Do we have the courage to open ourselves up? Great, loving, strong relationships still happen to people in their 50s and beyond. Sometimes it just takes an honesty to be true to ourselves — and allow our partner to do the same. And, of course, men can’t sit around and watch football all the time … 🙂
After being conditioned by the media all my life to want young, conventionally attractive women I have absolutely no interest whatsoever in women in their 40s and 50s. I wish that wasn’t the case, because my life would be a lot easier if I could live with settling for an average middle aged woman. But I simply can’t.
Come now, OMG you delfected that fact that Hormonal Change is a huge cause for what is going on and, when one looks at all the overweight ladies, what they eat, no exercise…how can they expect to desire anything physical in thier lives besides the next donut or macaroni? Also, I cannot believe that even sooo many younger females let alone middle aged, have and will never climax? What the heck is going on? IF a man cannot do this, we cannot hide nor fake it. Women need to stop making excuses and when confronted with truths, actually lie. It is an epidemic as if everything Oprah said for decades about Wonder Women who can – must and are entitled to it all, has become a delusional reality. For goodness sakes, younger people do NOT derserve the legacy Baby Boomers are leaving them. NO other generation has ever behaved like the Boomers as a whole. If there is thinking feeling creator, “it” will punich us…I am a Boomer but not the type I have gotten fed up with. They make their parents seem like angels and what is sad is, many of them have left us leaving Boomers to ruin our culture. Sex, drugs, rock’n roll and most of Technology is destroying us. Every problem today is linked to unnecessary technolgy. Without it to the degree we have, the roles would be MUCH different as they were for centuries. I mean how many females want to be Engineer or Tradesmen which build everthing we see around us without which we’d have cow paths; or, own their own very risky business…take away services especially Government run, and tons of women would be jobless. And it is Government services that lead us in bad economies of high debt. New immigrants to North America may be having more kids but they will become like white people eventually, then look back wondering how and why they lost their precious traditions.
Your life sounds so very much like mine! Why have women become so cold? My current wife says she does not know if she is in love with me and tells me all her friends think their husbands are a pain in the ass! Maybe this is why men cheat and lie about it! Women! Men will never figure them out! I think my problem is I am to honest and nice! There are a lot of good looking women on match.com but half of them are gold diggers! Take care and hit the gym or get good work out equipment and go at it you will feel 100% better!
They have become cold only til they strike gold Don. The feminists have become thier worst nightmare and more young women now Grandchildren of messed up Boomer women, are figuring this out therefore trying to lift men’s spirits up again. Trouble is, they are fighting aginst sma eage messed up feminist from UNIVERSITIES who think like their Moms and Grandmoms that they can have it all. Worse thing you can do id marry an Independent well educated white woman. And if she does not believe in a God, run in the other direction for she will believe in herself. It is pretty disgusting. Government now looks after the Moms but not men and children. Use tough love with women is the only answer and if they resist, stay single. Imagine having so much control that THEY decide abortions, breats feeding, matrnity leave, are almost ALL Human Resource officers who determine who gets hired ! That is a biggie ! Men need to educate themselves as to what has happened since the late 60s early 70s, which is a spiralling downard culture into a “cold” abyss. Have men changed roles? No! But when we do such as Mr Mom OMG what happens is skyrocketing divorce even though feminists say they like this? THEY LIE through their teeth. When a pregnancy comes thenh what? Mr Mom will come to their aid? What a massive LIE feminism is. If generations of our ancestors were to come back and see how we live today they’d say, God take me back to heaven and maybe even hell.
Get a blow-up-doll. They are fantastic, just make sure you buy a good bike tire, flat repair kit though. Sometimes the action gets so heated that the damn thing blows-up like a balloon. That’s a pain- in-the-ass at two in the morning and you aren’t done yet.
do you mean women of a certain age like young women?if your 58 and going after women 48 and younger then thats why your not having any luck.im 41,my dad is 59 and i would not want a man in your age range.
give the woman 50 and older a chance?or is that to old for you?
Sharon, they won’t give the men a chance as most chats have said herein. You cannot force 50+ women to get aroused for example. Now if tons of women just read what I typed guess what the typical reply would be, most of them immeiately PERSONALIZE a comment they don’t like rather than keep it generalized and, ot that they’d say “oh, you can’t generalize”….oh??? Then we may as well throw away all statistics as invalid. It is stunning the lack of irrational thinking out there whether done innocently or pruposely; if the latter than that is a Sin!
Please, all this talk about women that are over 55 not being able to be sexually aroused is just bogus! I am 57, and still feel like I did in my early 40’s. I am constantly sexually frustrated as I will not sleep with men just for the sake of sex. I want a relationship, and they just want a one night stand, or an until I find somebody better than you relationship. Men definitely SHOULD try a woman in their own age group that takes care of herself. I age is often mistaken for a woman in her mid 40’s, and I am often approached by younger men that I have no interest in! What a crazy world we live in!
And, men, please — stop looking at porn. Porn only makes you desire women that are younger, have fake boobs, liposuction done all over their bodies, and plastic surgery on their butts, and faces. Just try a woman that looks good, and forget the porn queens, and ads!
Sally, whats wrong with giving the younger men a chance? Women worry far too much about age difference.
John, you are scary!
Women over 50 talk a good game about sex but the majority would rather be eating doritos in front of a TV with Oprah turned on than having sex. That is why I date younger women. They are hotter (obviously) and really enjoy sex. Don’t waste your time with these dried up old prunes.
And don’t believe the author’s misinformation. She says that older women are more interested in short term relationships than younger women. What a joke. Get on any dating site and filter for women over 40 or 50. They virtually all say things like “friends first”, “not here for a hookup”, etc. Translation: “I am desperate and want a man to take care of me and I am not going to put out until you commit to me.” No thanks, I’ll take the younger ladies who like to party.
Men can be dried up old prunes as well. But placing all 50 year old men and women in the dried up prune category is irrational. Also there are men your age who would rather be sitting in front of the TV eating pork rinds and watching sports than having relations. Perhaps you are one of them?
LOL! Trust me, unless you’re a hot middle-aged celebrity with money or a rich “commoner” man, no younger chick wants to have sex with you! Yes, you’ll take the younger ladies who like to party. No shit! That’s WHY they are with you in the first place. If you’re providing the money and the party, they are there with the sex. Take that away, and you are alone like Eric Carmen. Women of any age are up for a party. If you start acting like a boring, old fogey – you will be alone. Have a good one. 🙂
.
Unless you are going after women much younger than you, or you are totally socially inept, I can’t believe you would have trouble meeting women. There is a surplus of great single women in their 50s, but most men in their 50s want 30 year olds.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
I’d say many men would prefer younger women, but I have met many middle-aged men who enjoyed dating women their own age. I wouldn’t be interested in men who wanted to date younger; I don’t judge them for doing it, however.
My first (and only prior) wife was 10 years younger than me. Most of my longest relationships have been with women 3-13 years younger than me. That said, however, your are right on with your observation. Provided that the man and/or woman keep themselves reasonably healthy physically, emotionally and mentally, there is no sound reason for men (or women) to nosedive out of their age range (or generation) to find a partner who makes life exciting and adventuresome again. From my perspective, I will know it with her smile, not the date on her birth certificate. She will be kind and wise, compassionate and open to diversity, and willing to engage in pursuits she is less comfortable with because she wants to know me. Of course, I will do the same. These are things that a person can sense early on. If I meet nice, attractive woman helping out at the homeless shelter or teaching an immigrant English, I know where her heart and mind is — and that makes her more alluring 10 times over.
Of course we do. Why would we want a wrinkly, sexually-dead 50 year old when we can have a younger, hotter, more sexually enthusiastic woman?
Rob,
I am 61 and certainly not sexually-dead. Sexually frustrated is more like it. Any woman can be hot at any age. Wrinkles make no difference in women just like wrinkles in men makes no difference. Older women are by far hotter than younger women; more experienced and more sensual if they haven’t given up on men like some men have given up on women. Older women are more comfortable with their sexuality. But both sexes may get bitter and give up on partners of the same age. Too bad cause women really should be dating men five years younger cause men die five years sooner. That is what makes sense.
LOL, old women are NOT hot. You are delusional. I have been with old women (50’s) and younger women (20’s and 30’s) and there is absolutely no comparison. Now that I am single and have been with younger women there is no way I can look at 50+ post-menopausal hags with their clothes off – yikes!
Rob..you are sooo bitter and hostile towards women 50+..could it be that they just remind you of your own aging self? and all those “young shallow hotties after your money..arent you afraid your dick will fall off from all the disease? a woman is as “enthused” as much as a man turns her on.
Rob, you are full of shit – straight and simple. YOU are the hag, sir – delusional at that. I think YOU are the one that has been turned away from middle-aged woman. Trust me, no young chick wants old men unless there is plenty of money attached. SOME men are seriously whacked.
well huntergatherer — for myself (50) i usualy presume a guy in my age bracket is attached unless he makes it really clear that he isn’t –so maybe you just need to be more upfront about your single status?? & personally …looks really don’t matter that much anymore if the guy is smart, a good conversationalist, funny good attitude etc…so don’t give up 🙂 there are still middle aged women with souls & hearts out there –maybe they just think that you are “too cute to be single?” 😉
I divorced my first and second husbands, and have had other long-term, committed relationships. Since I was a teenager, I have found males in the love relationship sense to be a huge disappointment. From a teenaged boyfriend sending a friend to drive me to and from the abortion clinic — so that he wouldn’t miss his college biology test — to a first husband with perpetual Peter Pan syndrome, to a second husband who loved his booze more than anything or anyone else, to the “love of my life” who did a 180 on me when things got too real, I have come to realize the pain and heartbreak have not been worth the good times. Although I still look and feel vivacious, at age 50, I have stopped trying to find someone special. About 90% of the time, I’m okay with this decision — I have many friends, a good career and interesting hobbies — but I also wonder at times, when the noise has dimmed, “is this all there is?”
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
Deanne, if you are finding continual disappointment in men then perhaps it’s time to look at what’s going on for you that is leading you to pick men who disappoint you. If you’re not 100 percent on giving up on men — and at 50 that’s waaaaay too young! — then don’t give up and look at this as a time to explore. Friends, hobbies and a career are awesome, but it sounds like you want more. Go figure it out! You won’t regret it.
You should look at the possibility of women. The are superior to men in bed. You will not be disappointed.. It’s a whole new world..Sex with a woman is the most satisfying sex I’ve ever had.. Hands down! A relationship with a woman is much mor fulfilling. I was married 38 years to a man and fell out of love. I now have a female partner and i cannot BELIEVE what I was missing all these years.. Now I know why men love women sooo much.. UNREAL!
See, out comes the sickos like you Karen. If there is a creator, I would not want to be you and YOU know this is true. Carry on as most will ignore such as twisted mind
I hope you washed your hand before you ate!
Speaking as a man, I have found that my right hand is the best lover I have ever had. We were made for each other. I just have to shave my palm twice a week and my eyesight has suffered just slightly. Sometimes I pretend that it talks dirty to me, normally in 30 seconds I am done and back to eating my Mongolian finger food.
I hope you washed your hands before you ate!
Since most of you older ladies have no chance of attracting a decent man anywhere near your age this might not be a bad idea. Young women rock in bed. Older women, not so much. 😉
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
Since you never date them, you have no idea. We’re much more experienced and uninhibited, with no fear of pregnancy. Your loss, Rob!
Again, you are delusional. NO younger woman Wants your old ass and other parts – that is guaranteed. Unless they are stoned, high. Etc. from the partying your money is paying for, they will not just randomly have sex with you. Stop trying to convince otherwise. Truth of the matter is that middle-aged women don’t want you either because you sound very one dimensional – like some kind of middle-aged player who has delusions of high school grandeur like Uncle Rico and the football. Living in the past.
Look Deanne I am on the other side of the fence and believe me men go through the same things. Do not give up there are many good men looking for a good woman also. I think part of finding someone is taking care of yourself and keeping yourself in good shape. I am going through hell right now because my wife is unhappy and does not know if she is still in love with me. Right now I live in a state of ready for the bomb to drop on me and it is killing me inside. Take care of yourself and I wish you all the luck!
don, one word – cunnilingus, seriously.
from what i’ve heard it works wonders if you are patient.
but first you need to melt the ice.
there’s obviously something bugging her. she’s hurt perhaps. or reaching out to you to by saying she’s unsure of her love.
realize that women are moody and sometimes take too personally the annoying little things spouses do.
they need to feel valued. and if she’s middle aged she’s also going through stuff.
rather than trying to decipher it all, take action.
show her you still love her. do little chores for her. flowers. chocolate. hold her hand. tell her she’s lovely.
and don’t ask for intimacy right now.
most of all, be patient.
but i don’t think you’ll have to wait long to get a response.
and when you finally break the ice a little and around the time when you think she might be most responsive, surprise her after her bath 🙂 and be gentle but don’t let her push you away. stay with her til the end.
it will be worth it.
btw, you sound like a gem. prove it to her.
Jen, when you talk like that, you give me a “boner”.
Don,
Read “Women’s Infidelity”, available online in pdf. She’s keeping you on hold while she “plays”. The player will take care of her needs while you pay the bills. Until shes ready to get half or more thru the courts.
Suggest you get ready freddy. Its coming. Hit the gym, stash some cash, get a hobby and some new friends. You’re gonna need something to fill your time when you’re kicked out her life and your home.
Boy Scout up – be prepared!
Exactly. Women are always looking to trade up. And once they find the next guy they take the soon-to-be-ex to the cleaners in divorce court. No wonder women initiate the vast majority of divorces. It is a great deal for them. For men marriage is very high risk and low reward. In fact, there is nothing in it for men. So guys, don’t get married!!
While I don’t disagree with Karen — and she has a healthy, open outlook — if you are not interested in her option, I would simply say this, knowing I don’t always follow my own advice well: You are young (and vivacious, as you say) — pursue your passions and put the idea of men aside for a year or two. What makes you happy? What gives you comfort? What would like to learn? What places would you like to visit (if finances aren’t a deterrent)? Provided you are not working 60 hours and week and dead tired at the end of the day, there is much out there in our lives after divorce or being widowed. In doing such, I promise, you will meet someone who shares your mindset AND finds you irresistable. You will know it because you will again feel like you did when you first fell for someone in junior high or high school. Your heart becomes full again. Stay in the moment, continue your career and maintain your good friendships — and yet, there is more awaiting you.
I am 53 and back dating younger men (40ish), after being divorced for awhile. I believe every situation depends on the circumstances and age has very little to do with it. Some people wake up sooner than others. My divorce happened when my 3 children was finishing high school and it was mutual decided between me and my husband at that time. We are still friends without benefits. At my age I love sex more than I did when I was younger, I take care of myself better now than when I was younger. I have been complimented by younger men that I am sexy and they can’t believe I am in my 50’s. Which of course gives me more confidence to up my game more with stay physically fit. I just might marry again soon. I hope this time around the relationship can stay spontaneous and interesting until the end. This may not work for everyone but a positive mind, a healthy body, and a beautiful soul never hurt anyone. Do what works for you, and live life to the fullest. I know I will.
Kahu
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
Kahu, I, too, feel better in my 50s than when I was younger — like you, I’m more confident and flirtatious and that will always attractive men (especially if you keep yourself fit). Enjoy this time, but if you do marry again, remember you have to help make the relationship “stay spontaneous and interesting until the end.” Good luck!
Kahu,
I am more loving in my 50 s than in any other age , so if you are interested in dating and sharing with me for a relationship i will be the happy person .life is to see good things , and be happy, I say now ” Past is a history, Future is a mistery, Be in the present ” so let be in the present and don’t think of tomorrow. if you like this let us not wast time we eill meet up and start a relation ship.
with love ,
JOhn
I really dont know much about women in their 50s, Im only 28. My mom is certainly done with men. And im probably going to be close behind her. I cant help but wonder if the “done with men” age will be signifigantly lower in my generation. This is something my friends and I discuss occassionally. For a long time i thought there was something wrong with me because i cant handle sex that is.violent, cruel or degrading. Then I found out that a lot of women my age refrain from sex for the same reason. So we went to a source of wisdom…..grandma. We asked how she dealt with the issue.she was shocked and disgusted by what we described. She said she had never heard of a man treating a woman like that.Has sex gotten more violent over the years? Or was grandma just super lucky?I really dont know, but i do know i cringe at the thought of being in a relationship again.so confused.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
Thanks for writing, Kacey. I’m not sure if it’s become more violent. I think women especially are expressing their sexuality on more powerful and knowledgeable ways. But, I also wonder if the easy availability of porn has something to do with it — what do you think?
Absolutely porn has everything to do with it.
kacey,the reason men view sex and think the the right way to have sex nowadays then they did in your grandmas day or even mine(im 41)is because guys grow up now with porn being their teacher.its everywere compared to say 15 years ago.its a shame parents dont teach their kids(mostly boys)that porn is not how you treat a woman,and it not how real sex is between a couple.
my kids are almost 19 and 15,my daughter 18, i tell her do not let a guy make her feel she has to have sex that is uncomfortable and doesnt seem normal because most likely he grew up watching porn or listening to his friends.i tell my 15 year old that if he ever looks at it(porn),do not think thats how sex is suppose to be with a woman and that real women do not do all that nasty stuff,and real women do not look that way.
its such a shame,i feel bad for my kids generation the one before theirs and all the ones after theirs.
you will one day find a good man kacey,just dont look,let him find you.there are lots of good men out there♥
Sharon, absoltuely Porn should be outlawed and the leaders of all nations could do this so why they don’t, go figure. Sharon, why don’t the feminist outcry about porn like they did back when saying, “we are more than just a piece of meat”…do you hear this on the news? No. This is because when men watch so much of this they are not going to date as much or get married, which in turbn suits what many feminist want. INDEPENDANCE from men. Don;t forget, more and more feminist in droves admit to being lesbians too. I personally don’t recognize the culture today as being remotely similar to when I was a boy and there were not major issues out there. A different planet. In my home town, NO divorces and we knew most people being in business; oh, the churches were full every Sunday too but that is a BAD thing today. Those awful churches and Christians such weak minded hypicrical people. SCIENCE has ALL the answers, so we think.
I realize these threads are six years old but I don’t think this issue has changed at all since 2013, so I just want to chime in that I think you’re both way off base with this hostility to porn.
I think a lot of people are susceptible to rose-colored glasses…and this tendency to romanticize the “good old days” is rooted in a sense of loss. Which is natural, I think.
Despite the incidence of church attendance, I can assure you that the picture you paint of a pious society without today’s problems is just wishful thinking. I’m wondering if you might be a Lutheran. It seems like a very Lutheran way of thinking.
Just because problems were concealed doesn’t mean that they didn’t exist….many people had dysfunctional and/or abusive relationships, unhappy marriages, infidelity was common, etc and so forth. I’d guess that there isn’t anything new under the sun in 2019 compared to 1939.
Kacey, Sharon is correct in that many men (the younger, the higher the percentage) feel that sex is an ENTITLEMENT. They have no clue perhaps, until they go thru life and discover the opposite. You are right to believe that sex is intimacy, touching, understanding and communicating. If with the right person, it doesn’t lose its exhiliration and — this may sound corny to some — capabilities of expressing deep and unconditional love. You will find someone. I am 61 and trust me, it can be a journey. Do not betray yourself, trust yourself and find ways to simply love life. Then, as Sharon noted, a nice guy will find you and both of you will be lucky because of it.
Peter, I agree with you about the connection when you look into someone’s eyes. That is how it was between my husband and me. In fact, he told his friends that he just met the girl he was going to marry. Thirty six years of marriage, four children, and five grandchildren later, he was still the love of my life, my best friend, my confidant, and my husband. After a night of making love a few times and getting to go on a two week vacation, my husband was in a near fatal collision when a tractor trailer driver fell asleep. After 3-1/2 years of rehab, doctor visits, emergency hospital stays, medication contraindications, etc., he died alone unexpectedly in the hospital before having minor surgery. Even though I just turned 64, I am quite physically fit and can easily pass for 50 and I have never had any plastic surgery. So far, I have not found anyone I have connected with enough to date. Recently, a man in his mid forties asked me out. I politely told him no and that a had a 42 year old daughter. He then told me that I did not look like his mother. Two of my children havr a problem with women being cougars. It is not my faught that most of the men my age have not taken very good care of themselves. I am healthy and fairly active. I take 6 hours of extreme physical courses and I square dance 2 to 3 times per week. Never in my almost 40 years of marriage did I ever see me alone in my golden years. I always thought that we would be together forever. The loneliness is sometimes overwhelming. After years of my life being about my husband, my children, my job, etc., it took me two years to realize that my life was now only about me. Never did I ever wish it to be that way. I often wish I could relive July 29, 2005 and tell my husband to call in sick. I hope that one day my life will have true joy again. So gentlemen, not all women over 40 or menopause are anti men or sex. Remember the grass is greener on the other side of the mountain because someone like my late husband has taken great care to water and cultivate it.
Hello Kate. Your life, as to how your husband told his friends that he just met the girl he was going to marry and how he died unexpectedly, almost mirrored my very own life although I had a decade less of a marital bliss with my husband compared to what you had with yours. I likewise never realized that I will ever see myself alone in my twilight years. I have only been a widow for 2 years and could not imagine socializing with men let alone going out on a date with one. I only have one grown son who I just seen thru the completion of his college degree. I have no grandchild(ren) yet. So as not to get lonely and depressed, I would normally go out to dinner, movies, food and wine event(s) with female friends and co-workers. It is inspiring for me to know that there is someone out there (like you) who had suffered the loss of a wonderful husband and a great marriage and yet would move forward in life in a healthy way and consider “dating” again. I am not quite there yet. I am keeping a positive outlook in life and hoping that time would come for me.
To the 28 year-old young lady, sounds like the guys you’ve been with watch hard-core porn and think this kind of “sex” is normal. It’s really not sex – it’s actually violence and hatred towards women. Your grandma is right. Hang in there and love and believe in yourself. The right ones will come along.
You must be referring to a specific genre of porn like Gonzo or BDSM or something of that nature. Most porn is NOT violent and there isn’t anything hateful about it. I don’t know what kinds of porn you saw that made you think of all “hard-core porn” this way but most porn isn’t how you characterize it.
The truth is that most people do not find violence to be arousing. There is that BDSM group that does but its all role-playing, not about actual violence. The pain is real, but the context is fake.
I know that this is the case, having studied this issue and having been a keen observer of culture and media.
I suggest that you explore some of the content produced by major porn studios such as Kink, and you will quickly see that these are productions, not reality. They are produced for a fairly broad audience, actually. In fact if you watch some of these things that you have labelled reflexively as “violent” or hatred towards women, be sure to also watch the END where the performers do an on-camera but “out of character” chat after the scene. You need to remember, porn is a product that caters to audience demand- for most people porn is escapism, wish-fulfilment, and fantasy; it is the sex they WISH they were having, but aren’t. Or the sex they had and want to have again. Or the sex they’ve had but that their partners don’t – look its this simple – porn is what people do when they know someone is watching, but its also what some people do when nobody is watching…even if they don’t admit to it. There isn’t a single thing in porn that doesn’t speak to SOMEONE and they aren’t all deviants. Most people who watch porn are not sexual criminals. What porn IS, is a window, and for some, a mirror. It is what you want it to be. Which is what the people who produced it wanted it to be as well. There’s not any such thing as “not for profit” porn. Even “amateur porn” is heavily monetized.
I am deffinatley at a crossroads with men and relationships. I’m 45, attractive,fit,smart, but not so much wealth due to lifestyle choices (life in the country). I do not have a problem meeting men. I am divorced with a son age 17 that lives with his dad. I meet men and they like me! I try to do the relationship thing. However, after being married for 20 years, and having to conform to someone else’s ideas, and needs, I’m just not willing to do it anymore. People find it strange and unimaginable that a “catch” like me doesn’t want to be caught. I’ve spent my whole life pleasing men. Fro
My dad, to my first boyfriend at age 14, thru the married years. All pretty good men and pretty good relationships. But my identity gets tangled up in their energy. My spiritual goal is to be happy without anyone else defining me. I feel a bit selfish. But in the long run I feel that my compassion and ability to help others will grow with my self-sufficiency. Really, no one can save you from yourself. Smart people know this. So they don’t invest too much energy into the relationship myth. It’s nice if you can find someone to complement your life, which I’m open to, but never at the expense of my own peace of mind and sense of self.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
Thanks for writing, Lu67. It’s a good goal to be happy without anyone else having to define you. It sounds as if you might have put too much of yourself in your relationships, being a pleaser, instead of truly finding someone to complement your life. I don’t think you should feel selfish at all that you’re taking time for yourself. Good luck!
I appreciate what you’ve written, for it sounds a lot like the chorus I hear from women in your age group repeatedly. I’m 52, handsome, fit and financially independent. I prefer women +/- 5 yrs my age. But my experience with middle-aged women is that (1) they expect to be entertained at my expense; going dutch is fatal to further encounters; (2) they don’t want a long-term commitment; (3) they’re married to their careers and their lifestyle and can’t be bothered with making a guy a priority in their lives. I’ve speed dated and used meetup.com for opps to meet many women. We’ve dined, danced, talked and talked and talked. But my experience with middle-aged women is always the same. I’ve come to believe that I’m more of an adornment than a potential mate. Perhaps this is payback! As an aside, I’d like to also respond to the recurring complaint by women about how middle-aged guys seem to prefer to date women in their 30s. The reason is this: They’re still hopeful.
Dear Richard, you replied to my comment specifically. I’m not sure if that is what you intended. If so, I would like to say that my hopelessness in regards to love is a personal expression of my path in life at the moment! I’m not speaking for the masses! Also, I would like to add too that from my experience of being single for the past 5 years going Dutch was a given be size the men I met couldn’t afford to treat me. So, it’s very hard to generalize when it comes to these things. Maybe middle-aged women just realize with time and age romantic live is kind of a myth, and the real deal requires sacrifice and saying no to all other choices. Personally, I was a faithful wife for nearly half of my years on earth, and it didn’t pan out. It was a huge investment that failed. It started out divine. Happiness is not wrapped up in o e package. I’m not hopeless, I’m an educated consumer. The current investment is me. Good luck.
“They’re still hopeful.”
Now, why is that? What could it be that women at age 50 know that women age 30 do not yet?
SURELY YOU AND ALL OTHER MEN CANNOT BE THIS STUPID
ANSWER: That men will disappoint you
So you look for younger women other men as stupid and worthless as you have not yet poisoned, so that YOU can BE FIRST to POISON them
Not rocket science really.
Ricahrd, totally factual what you just said. It is always the man giving more from the asking her out to yes, going dutch is a recipe for failure so let them be…leave them alone unless, hmm, I guess Plenty Of Fish is free and different categories such as “Just be Friends” meaning get together for coffee, a meak at someone’s place, a walk, anything BUT HOWEVER since only Frriends pay your own way. Dating however means, the man pays so don’t have this as an option. They make their own incomes and you bearly know them so PAY your own way. Talk about wanting your cake and eat it too. Can you imagine being a young guy who pays way more for car insurance yet is suppose to pick her up, can
t get a job with the Government because of his gender, must compete for all professional Careers with often more women than men…it is a catastrophic disaster that BABY Boomer women don’t have to worry about now due to their age and being cared for YET, young women and men too are paying the price for their changing the gender ROLES of centuries’ gone by as a totally unnatrual process = abnormal. Other nations from the 3rd world know this abouyt the west.
wow you seem like a smart woman,the whole package.some man will be lucky to be with you just the way you are and be happy with the relationship you have in mind.he will come along.hang in there.there are so many good men out there waiting for a woman like you♥
Why does it have to be so complicated? Why cant you just date men and have fun and enjoy life. I think everyone now days puts to many expectations on each other. All of us just need to lighten up and enjoy life and each other before its to late.
Why does it have to be so complicated?
Well lets see … how many woman have had abortions? Their life got complicated and the man just ran off … you know, cause we were just having fun. I think it is a trust issue 🙂
Or … as most 50+ woman who have worked and raised both the kids and the husband know … their life got complicated while the hubby went golfing.
I am currently dating a man that would love a woman in his life to take care of his home and older age pets. LOL I’ve already done that gig, up every night till 11pm then up at 5am the next morning. Cleaning up after only myself is so much more fun than two, we go out, rumba a bit at his house then I go home to my nice clean house 🙂 I plan on keeping my own hut with only me in it, it is so less complicated.
After 25 years of marriage (now divorced) and how complicated just working together with a selfish/stubborn man on simple task, I no longer want to deal with it. It is so less complicated.
I date a lot, I do the dutch thing, doesn’t bother me a bit. And, if I am paying my own way I feel entitled to be pleased as much as I am pleasing another. So if a man is lazy in the relationship, I walk. If a man is lazy in bed (expecting a lot but giving very little) I walk. I like sex and I have equal expectations which has disturbed many men because they are just expecting to receive versus give. But, no worries, if they don’t want to be “fair”, my being pleased/pleasured is as much of a concern as theirs, then I walk. If they are terrible in bed … I walk. I’ve taken my nurturing and patience cap off, by 50+ we should all already know this crap, if we don’t then no wonder why our spouse left us and/or we can’t find anyone that wants to deal with us.
My life is a lot less complicated living it alone versus having to deal with a man that believes women to be hormonal, irrational, bitchey, nagging, and him always looking at other women. I have peace and I have gotten my self esteem back since getting divorced. And, yes, I am not interested in a LTR because it makes things complicated which then turns me bitchey because it hurts my soul to deep the games LTR brings, I wish it didn’t, I wish I could let it roll off like a man but since I can’t I now opt out versus live in hurt. Complicated because when a man doesn’t get what he wants or he has to do something he doesn’t want to do there is hell to pay. Never mind he expects you to do what he wants and to be on his time schedule and do all the scut work he doesn’t want to do (he picks what he wants leaving what he doesn’t want for you, the woman, to do). The LTR mind games are just endless and it is more than I can take.
Another Woman, that is so damn true!! That is exactly how I feel about LTR or marriage. I have had enough of pleasing men for so little in return and having hell to pay if they don’t get ot their way!! They ate just little teenage boys with tantrums. From my dad to my brother to previous ex husbands and boyfriends. I really do not feel they are worth the investment for the hardships we go through. I am learning that I don’t need them as much anymore. Maybe I just picked the wrong men. But I do like your attitude!!
Lu67,
Hi. I just wanted to comment that I’m in a similar situation. I am 45 and divorced. I have kept myself fit and attractive. Since my divorce, I wish I had a dollar for every time someone has made the “good catch” comment. It’s not so much that I don’t want to be “caught,” It’s just that, like you stated, I refuse to lose my identity, “peace of mind, and sense of self.” I sometimes feel lonely, but, I am happy and content with who I am. I will never give up who I am, even if it means giving up my dream of that white pickett fence.It’s Comforting to know that I have company in the crossroad. 🙂
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
Thanks for writing, Janie. If you are indeed “happy and content” with who you are, you are doing great! Please don’t think you need to lose your identity, peace of mind and sense of self to be in a loving relationship. There are people (in your case and mine, men) who are seeking that, too. Forget the white picket fence and focus on having a relationship that gives you love, sex (hey, why not?) and companionship while also not demanding/expecting that you lose your identity. In fact, you most likely want a relationship that encourages you to expand your identity. That’s what you want (and deserve!). Go find it!
Janie, you are so young, you will very, very likely find a guy — it could be years or a decade or more down the road — who will allow you to maintain AND further define your “identity, peace of mind and sense of self.” Any man or partner who seeks to deny you that has a real problem with insecurity and is not comfortable in his own skin. I think the fact that you pursue these attributes is a sign of confidence, clarity and open-mindedness — something any sincere guy would (or should) embrace.
Janie, why not be “upfront” with guys who ask for a date?? Tell them at the start that you are just not interested in a marriage or any commitment. Date different men and don’t settle for any one man. Dating one man will lead to him thinking he owns you. Life is far too short to dry up and never have any fun with loneliness . Like you, I was divorced in my forties and could still turn heads of guys 15 years younger ! I found out that many men wanted the same things that I wanted. As far as the men in my life, I will always be in control of the “how often and how much”. Things seem to work better with the younger guys, so at 53 years old , most of my dates are late 30’s to late 40’s. There is always guys in my dating pool who is ready to take me dancing or take a nice trip with. I hit the gym at least 4 evenings a week to keep slim and toned and always dress in style and like the younger women. My sex life and my life in general is ,in a word, FANTASTIC !!! Janie, please adjust your lifestyle like I did, have fun !!!!!
Honestly I’m about at my wits end with women in general. I am a 45 year old successful businessman, tall, work out and play sports regularly, a good listener, and have good manners, etc. Yet the only thing women my age seem to be concerned about these days is having a man with some “hair on his head.” Sorry, I apologize but both sides of my family are full of balding/bald-headed men. So naturally it was only a matter of time before I succumbed to this fate myself. I have been balding since my mid-20’s and am now nearly completely bald, with the exception of one “saturn ring of hair” right by my ears. I have tried many methods of meeting women, including online dating where I provide a current photo of myself BALD yet it is inevitable that the very first thing women say to me when we meet is “oh, you’re bald!” with a disappointing look on their face. I am afraid to get a hair transplant because of the common scarring issues but am seriously thinking about a toupee. Ideally, it would be nice to find a woman who actually preferred bald-headed gentlemen, but yeah right, that will never happen. Women have no idea how lucky they are not to have to deal with this issue.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
I’m really surprised, A Baldheaded Gentleman, that so many women seem turned off by your lack of hair. Of the men I know who are bald, it doesn’t seem to have been a problem in their love life. It’s fine to get a toupee but I agree with you — it would be best to find a woman who, if not prefers bald men at least doesn’t care about baldness. I would never reject a man because of his hair of lack of hair, although, yes, I prefer men with hair. So, of course, my boyfriend has been shaving his entire head for the past year!!
I have the opposite problem. Women know my baldness is a price I pay for my high-testosterone lifestyle. I am ok with it. The constant exhaustion, multiple sexual partners and constantly being pushed to explore and cross sexual boundaries that I had not experienced before – I am ok with it.
The ladies know. It’s not a bald spot….it’s a solar panel on a High Performance Love Machine.
hi A Baldheaded Gentleman,
there are great looking bald men out there,like that host from deal or no deal ect….
just try not to seem insecure about it(im not saying you do because i dont know)
i just dont see why you would have a problem meeting women if you say
“I am a 45 year old successful businessman, tall, work out and play sports regularly, a good listener, and have good manners, etc.”
you dont say weather your attractive or not,but im going to assume you are,so maybe you are comming off a little insecure due to your lack of hair and you just dont relize it?if you are then that is a turn off.if thats not the problem,then im baffled because you seem to be what women want.
i can see younger women(i would have in my younger years)
maybe looking away at the lack of hair,like women under 35,but older then that i cant see it being a problem.
women can be just as shallow as a man,we go for looks just as much as a man.
a woman has to have an attraction for a man in someway before she will give him her time.only reason this is not the case is if the man has money,money is what attracts certain women no matter what the man looks like(think howard stern and beth,i read about them in an article recently?)
but if your the things you said you are and your attractive or even just average then something else is going on,self esstem,personality something?you need to figure out what it is.good luck and go find that lucky lady who is waiting for you
To a bald headed Gentlemen,
I really doubt anyone will read this since it’s mostly from 2012. That being said of all the comments I’ve read this one captured my attention because you mention that women are not interested in bald men. First let me say my daughter has been with her boyfriend since she was a teen and at the time his hair was already reseeding; that has no baring on how she feels about him as a person. She is totally into him. Furthermore I just had a conversation with a friend who is my age and is dating guy your age and has dated bald men for as long as I’ve known her. Her thing is as long as he’s healthy, in shape, self sufficient and willing to enjoy life baldness does not factor in. Now that I’ve said all that I must say I’m a 53 year old female, divorced, not in the best of health working hard on it and going bald. How many men do you know would be willing to date a balding woman. Five years ago I was running a gym for a friend working out daily and feeling great. When he lost the gym I lost my free pass but I still walked and worked out at home until my health became an issue. My point is someone will be attracted to you eventually she just hasnt found you. Me on the other hand I will continue to take care of myself and am confident that I may at least date again. If the lack of a full head of hair scares a man away well hello next guy that will date me.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
Ev, thanks for sharing your story. I agree that for most of us, a man’s baldness is nothing. A woman’s baldness … that’s a horse of a different color. That said, that shouldn’t stop people from putting themselves out there. A great smile, positive energy, charm and smarts goes a long way. Good luck to you on your health and other things!
To Baldheaded Gentleman
I think baldheaded men are attractive and certainly there’s nothing wrong with being bald. Just by reading your comments, I think you are indeed a gentleman and deserves a woman who will love you as you are. Don’t change anything about yourself and don’t even think about getting a toupee. If a woman can’t see you for your ‘true self’ then she’s not even worth the time and day. You don’t have to impress anyone, just being yourself is all that you need to be.
This reply is late; but, I too wanted to share with Baldheaded Gentleman,
One of my brothers was bald by the age of 30; but, he overcame any sense of this as a drawback and is one of the most confident men/people I know. He married a beautiful lady, a true sister in our family, who is 6’2″ to his 5’9″.
I experienced a powerful mutual attraction with a bald man following a difficult divorce which I had not chosen . . . an attraction not acted upon. I share this only to say that many women quickly see beyond looks to the mix of qualities which makes for a desirable friend/companion/mate. That inexplicable bond which initiates us into love. While we did not act upon that compelling attraction [too soon following divorce for both of us, and our friendship to protect] his baldness is somehow part of the total package which makes him very attractive to many. Women are drawn to him, some men feel threatened.
I don’t seek men who are bald; but, I like a natural look and a confident, not cocky, bearing . . . people, men and women, who move with grace and evidently like themselves. I can think of several men in my small town who are bald and quite attractive.
I believe that a toupee is a mistake, even worse was the old way of brushing hair over the top from the sides. I’m glad that we are beyond that in our culture!
I think that you’ll find someone wonderful who does not really even see the baldness after knowing you, or immediately loves the way you look as you are. You sound kind, considerate and aware. These and other qualities you mentioned will stand you in good stead.
Baldheaded Gentleman – Don’t despair, there are women out there that like bald men. The men in my family are bald and handsome! I understand that it can be discouraging at times esp. because there aren’t too many “healthy” options for hair replacement and you feel like people are judging you based on this one physical trait. I am curious to know if you have tried owning the look by shaving your head completely? There are so many amazing men out there (think actors like Jason Statham or Sean Connery) that are sexy and bald! Maybe a British accent would be good for your first impression arsenal? 😉 Seriously keep your chin up! In my younger days I thought that I wouldn’t be attracted to a short man. I have come to realize it’s actually all about chemistry and connecting on a deeper level. Best of luck in finding your special someone that will adore you exactly as you are!
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
You are so sweet with your encouragements! Thank you being here and being you, Notdoneyetat37
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As a 52 year old woman who has been dating steadily since my husband divorced me after we had the “falling out” — hmmm, me done with pleasing and deciding to be myself (just as he has done all our 25 years of marriage) didn’t work for him – oh shucks.
Fit, fun, adversome, cute, by some men a hottie. I’ve dated fat men, bald men, rich men, broke men, fun men, stupid men, business men, unemployed men, disabled men and athletic men. I’ve dated many men and I’ve kissed many toads and prince charmings. By some I would be called a slut/whore (most men label women such as me even though they are the ones that initiated sex – double standard crap – who’s irrational?). I’m successful, driven, independent, caring, church going sinner (2x a week), volunteer, and well off due to my own steaming career.
I am still hopefully and continue to date but don’t see too much offering. So here it is to all you men out there that wonder WHY? Take your attitude about what you believe a woman should be and apply it to yourself. Can you be what you are looking for? Would you want to be what you are looking? Be honest with yourself (most people aren’t). Contrary to what TV as lead you to believe — women have a brain, we have drive, we like solving, we do enjoy the entire relationship thing but not at the expense of losing ourself and neither would you. And, we don’t like hypocrisy – you know the double standard crap and neither do you so if you are dishing that out we are sure to find the door cause we know you will have one standard for us and another one for yourself. Hmmmm – have woman changed? NO — We have just learned to be independent and follow our dreams versus be unhappy subservient. I know this doesn’t serve your desires well but guess what, we are serving our own just as you are. Plenty of Asian women coming to the US and divorcing their man? Why? NO ONE WANTS TO BE SUBSERVIENT and to be treated as such — if they can escape the emperor they will. Not men and not women, never has been a time that a person enjoys that despite what you might want to believe — Not even Grandma.
So … if you are a man that wants a relationship and are losing hope — examine your attitude towards others, especially women. If you treat us fairly and with respect and you are honoring, putting effort into the relationship, we will do the same. However, gone are the days of expecting that the dudes (only) role is bringing home the bacon and baby, you handle the rest. Here is a note — if you THINK your are being respectful but women are ditching you — good chance is that you aren’t, being blind won’t solve anything. Trying to put the round peg into the square hole, hmmmm only a dumby keeps trying the same ole crap. And, if porn and jacking off has become your go to, sex will be a chore for the woman as she won’t be able to get you off, don’t waste her time and yours.
BTW – all the young 20-30-40ish women think like me. My mother who was a stay at home woman thought like me. My ex boyfriend had an Asian wife who divorced him. So …. no one, absolutely no one want to serve an entitled prick. If you find yourself with an entitled prick (whether that is male or female) most will find a way to escape. If you can’t escape physically then people do it emotionally – drugs, alcohol, sleeping. So don’t be a prick (applies to both men and women).
If you are very rigid “I KNOW WHAT I WANT”. That is a fantasy, no one can be what you want. But no one is probably going to be able to convince you otherwise so take your rigid thoughts and do everyone a favor and don’t date. It will save you time and everyone else the unfortanate experience of having met you.
You started off smart. Then your true colors shone through.
There is nothing sexier than a fit, confident, masculine, mature bald male. With a bit of facial hair even if is graying, i melt personally . Say goodbye to the Saturn ring though – nothing worse is my opinion. My breakthrough appreciating bald men happened at 48 so perhaps try to avoid younger women. Focus on your upper body strength and obvious protective capacities. Don’t let anyone make you feel less manly than a guy with hair.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
Well said!
i agree
I am a 50 year old woman with 2 grown children 2 at home. Yes I am still married, sigh, but only because I gave up my career to take care of my family. My husband has always put himself first, he is sullen, and very passisive aggressive. We have not had sex in months because I feel that again he is using me for his needs. It does it feel like love but someone using me for their own gratification. I have had to really see him for what he is the last two weeks. Due to a hurricane our electricity was stopped and as date would have if I caught the flu and on top of it I hurt my knee trying to get around anyway he could not give up one day of overtime at work. I had no heat it was very cold. I had two children with me. He worked overtime the first three days of the power outage. That was when I needed him. By day 4 he took a day off. Really to rest up so he could get more money making days in. He got us all set up with a generator ran around all the while I am lauded up on the sofa. He did not spend more than 5 minutes with me. When he did come over he would say very gruff with a long drawn face”do you want anything”. It has turned my heArt to stone towards him. This behavior is nothing new. It has occurred over and over for 25 years. Never visited my mother or father while they were dying. I took care of my mother would drive over to care for her zoom back home and then care for my damily after the birth if my children he always would go off and get himself food. Would talk about the food he was gonna get. How hungry he was. Oblivious to the fact of the physical condition I was in. You are probably asking why would I marry and stay with this heartless soul. Well my father was very abusive my mother also. This was the lot in life I thought I deserved. He has never
Hit me but I feel abused just as if my father hit me. I married someone exactly like my parents. I have kept the same pattern going. I am done with men. I am done with my so called husband. I am here but I am not grew. I go through the motions. I used to be a fun care free girl. I was the girl who used to laugh the easiest. Reached out to others. Had friends. He has no friends and hardly talks to his family. It is difficult to do this every day. My take on the men I have known in my life. Is that they are selfish, not a ounce if empathy, just care about food and sex. Use women. I don’t even glance at men. I font care how good looking to me they are the same breed. My perfect life would be no men in it
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
Helen, I am sorry that you are in a clearly unhappy unhealthy marriage. Have you given up working on the marriage and, if so, why do you stay?
there are many many great men out there to just give up on them,but first you need to build up your self esteem and support your self and get out.you are way to young to live that kind of life.
your children reguardless of how old they are need to see you respect your self not to be treated that way and that there is world out there that can and is happy,you should be breaking this family pattern of abuse weather it is physical,verbal,emotional,finacial not only for yourself but your kids.
there is plenty of assistance out there to help,use it.
You need to muster some physical and emotional strength and figure out what it will take to make you happy. Then do it for yourself. Might take a number of baby steps but over time life will improve and he will get the message.
I had the same kind of life as you have now. Once the kids got old enough I made the decision that I would rather live in a tent than continue to live as I had. Once he figured out that I was halfway out the door he perked up. I am of the “take it or leave it” mode now because I really am a pretty nice person and have given alot of myself to my family. Time to give something to yourself.
You only have one life and no one cares as much about you, as you should care about yourself. Even the kids will leave and assume their own life, as they should. Then what? You are stuck with a deadbeat for what little time you have left. Get with it today! Quit focussing on what you don’t have because of him – or anybody for that matter!
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
You bet, Yvonne — we create our own happiness. Best lesson I’ve learned.
Im no psychologist, but I was also a victim of child abuse much like Helen, and I think she does the same exact thing that I do; anything a man does, good or bad, we can use against them because our minds perceive it as bad. It is possible her husband was doing well by working hard and putting in a generator, but Helen could only feel a sense of abandonment and hurt. She doesnt mean to. Meanwhile the husband could be weary of trying to make her happy and its never worked, so he is grumpy often. A man getting hungry also could have been perfectly normal, but she couldnt help but feeling unloved. She may be so wounded that she does not know how to receive love, which in turn pushes it away. I am 29 and I am unable to receive or give love, maybe Helen has the same difficulties stemming from childhood trauma.
Helen, so sorry that you have had these type of men in your life but believe me when I say, all men are not like your husband. Start planning now to make a change in your life. Figure out your financial future and keep your self fit. Men will notice you and probably already have. You deserve better.
I feel sorry for Helen’s husband. Wife not working, 2 grown children at home and works overtime, probably to make ends meet. The power goes out and he gets a generator to get the power back on for his family and this woman does nothing but complain online. Well there are 2 sides to every story. I’m sure when he was young he was carefree and happy also. You call him passive aggressive and looks at you with a long face. He is probably tired of having a selfish and uncaring wife! Like I said, there are 2 sides to every story. Do him and yourself a favor and get out of his life. I’m sure he will be better off finding someone who will appreciate him.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
Of course there are two sides to every story, Whatnow, so instead of feeling sorry for Helen’s husband — or her — we should hope that they find the strength and vocabulary to be honest with and kind to each other.
I can relate to Helen. However I worked and took care of our children, home and him. He worked full time and its as though I were a stay at home mom. I worked nights to feed our children and take care of them. He “took care” of them at night while they were sleeping. If I didn’t work the children abd I would starve! I once was without a job and I asked him for money for groceries. He wouldn’t give me any. Not even to feed his starving children! I hated him with all my soul. I’d say to myself how can anyone let their own children starve while he buys his food and eats it in front of us! Of course this story continues ….
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
Sunnyreina, a person who would treat his/her own children that way is not someone you’d want to be in a relationship with; that’s just cruel. I hope you and you children are in a healthier, happier place.
i hope you got rid of that looser?
I am a 58 year old divorced female and will tell the truth. I am fat and ugly. Basically that is why I cannot have a relationship with a man. I used to be attractive but after divorcing, bringing up two daughters, working full time to support my family and pay a mortgage and having two relationships where I was dumped for no reason other than the men wanted to play the field, I am over it all and have grown fat and frumpy because I am lonely and depressed. I know men do not want me so I don’t even try. They look at me like I should not show my face anywhere, like I am blocking their view of the pretty, younger women and should be at home with the cat. Men my age have been ignoring me for years, except to insult me and spend their time flirting with much younger women only to then complain how they cannot find a woman when these young women rightfully reject them. Men are too picky when it comes to looks. I can look great and yes, even sexy but not when I feel like a piece of crap which I am made to feel like because I am over 50 and over the hill. Yes I have given up and it shows, a catch 22. I was hopeful at first but as the years went by, I have realised that is just plain deluded.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
I’m sorry to hear your pain June. If you “feel like a piece of crap” you are not in a place to be in a relationship. I hope you get to a place where you love yourself for you — who you are, what you stand for, what you do — and not how others perceive you. Over 50 is only “over the hill” if you yourself believe it. Love yourself.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
June, if you feel fat and ugly others will see you that way, too. If we look to others to make us feel not alone and not depressed, we’re in trouble. If you’re willing to look good for yourself — no one else — it still may not guarantee anyone will be attracted to you that way, but at least you won’t feel fat and ugly. You will love yourself. And that’s always attractive. Thanks for writing.
wow june,i know women in your age range who are dating,commited or have gotten married.they were once married,now divorced.one is my step mother in law.her husband left her with their 4 kids,their kids were older 17 19 21 24.
she was just a bar tender in a small town tavern but she pulled through.
she is not a pretty woman and she is not ugly either and she was a little more then over weight when she met my father in law but she was not fat,i would say she was chunky and my father inlaw was/is crazy over her because of her personality.
they been together 20 years,she is much heavier now,but he still loves and adores her.
the other women i mention are average women,they are not considered pretty nor are they ugly and none of them are skinny,but they are not fat and the men they have attracted are good guys and they are happy.
you do not seem happy with yourself and you sound depressed.you really need to get off your butt and take care of yourself.you have no reason to be fat.why do you want to be?you dont and you know it.so get off your lazy butt and loose the weight,go out and hang with friends even if you dont want to,do it anyway once or twice a week,go volunteer at a animal shelter ,go do these things for one month just because im asking you to.and if you dont feel at least half better then you feel now then you can tell me to go to hell and kiss your fat a$$.
but if you do feel at least 30% better and lost at least 3 pounds then you have to keep going for another month,by the end of that second month i gaurantee you will feel happy again,you will feel your self essteem returning and you will be losing weight.do this for you not a man,but i can tell you in time you will notice men looking at you and before you know it,some lucky guy will snatch you up.
its up to you,you can lay on your fat butt and keep getting fatter and depressed and watch your life pass you by or you can do something about it and take a chance on getting healthier,making friends and possibly if your open to it dating again.your to young to give up
xoxo
You need to bring back that self esteem and get involved in something beyond yourself that has passion. You are in control of your life and where you head ion the future. Come up with a plan and choose a path of happiness and success.
I too can feel your pain and I agree with you. Men are only interested in looks and think with their penis. My ex husband wanted me to be overweight and dress frumpy so that other men would not look at me, yes, I know, it’s strange.
However, do not despair, it’s not to late to lose weight and get into shape. You need a personal trainer and good nutrition. All the best!!!
I think it is very unfortunate that so many women chose the wrong husbands. What did you not see early on? I’ve been with my husband since I was 14. We spent a couple of years apart to date other people but we finally married when I was 20. I’m in my mid-40’s, our kids are teens and we couldn’t have more fun or happiness together. We’ve had our ups and downs, particularly in the early days. We didn’t have kids right away and our relationship has always been the priority. We both have great careers and work on our family as a team. Why would anyone settle for any less? Life is way too short to not live and love to the fullest. You have to put each other first. The kids will be fine not being on a pedestal. Send them to bed, send them to grandma’s and cultivate your relationship. The reward is happiness and a loving partner when the kids are gone and you have each other. In the end, your kids have a great example of a loving marriage.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
You ask good questions, Loving Life — why would anyone “settle for any less,” indeed. I don’t have the answer for that although I imagine many (some? a few?) are marrying the person with whom he/she will make a future. Am I wrong?
I look at it from a financial perspective. I simply can’t afford to get remarried unless it was someone who is 10 years younger than me, healthy, and wealthy. The odds of that are very slim. I was married for 13 years and so I can claim on my ex-husband’s social security when I reach retirement age, which will be probably twice what I can get on my own record due to recession and underemployment. If I remarry, I would either have to divorce before 60 to get that, or hope that guy I married has a similar earnings record. Plus, I had so much debt from caring for our daughter that I am still paying off that the idea of taking on a spouse and their financial obligations and risks (yes HIGH risks) is not worth it to me. I can love someone without being married to them and having to pay their medical bills. My ex is remarried and his new wife is now taking care of him and his father who are both aging and getting sick. I wouldn’t be in her shoes for anything. She doesn’t work. My guess is that he’ll die before they hit 10 years of marriage to qualify for his SS, she’ll get left with medical bills, a huge mortgage, and no income – after sacrificing her life to care for them. This is a pretty average story for women in their later years. It’s simply not worth it.
this is just how it is for many people.but dont let it stop you from being commited and one day falling in love one day♥
Well Claire, it’s obvious you have your priorities. Money $$$ is the only thing you seem to be concerned with.
I’m not ‘done’ with men. They seem to be done with me. I can’t get a single man within my age range to notice me to save my life. They look through me as though I were a pane of glass or something. I don’t want some octogenerian looking for a nurse, and I don’t want to be a cougar and date men in their 20s or 30s because I want to get married ant those guys just want to play games. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong that the men my age range don’t seem to think I’m good enough for them. I’m supposed to not care, I know, but I do care…and it’s just embarrassing to think I’m still single and alone at 52…and more than likely will be alone for the rest of my life. All I need is one guy that’s it. I don’t understand why it’s so difficult.
I feel exactly the same way. And I’m only 48! And thin!! Healthy! I look good for 48 but I am not young. Can’t date. Never get past the first date….
You are looking in the wrong places! There are men out there looking for good looking fit women in there 50’s but a lot of women want a man with money and when I see income preference of 150,000 + sign on their site it is a big turnoff. I make 60,000 a year on my retirement and own 2 homes and yet I would never respond to women like that for fear of being turned down. Also men in their 50’s do not take care of themselves and I see them walking around with big pot bellies! Look in the right places men in their 50’s like myself want a good woman.
don, i’m confused because you wrote:
“I am going through hell right now because my wife is unhappy and does not know if she is still in love with me. Right now I live in a state of ready for the bomb to drop on me and it is killing me inside.”
yet apparently you’re also on the prowl?
No I am not on the prowl I was just setting myself up for my wife dumping me! Which she has done after I gave her 24 years of faithfulness and a nice home.
I am petite, AA, well-employed (close to retirement), with a grown daughter and a home of my own. I’m “done” with men, because they are “done” with me. Black women are “the least desirable” females on the planet….so we are constantly told, and not “good enough” to have “real relationships” with. I can’t date anyone who doesn’t want to date me, and I have high standards.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
And you should have high standards. But I hope that doesn’t mean you’re giving up on all men because some men want something other than a petite black woman; you obviously wouldn’t want those men, either, so no great lose there! Maybe keeping yourself open to the possibility is a more positive way of approaching things than giving up. There are good people out there; we just need to keep showing up. Good luck, and thanks for writing.
Girls, or should that be ladies? Whatever! The point I’d like to make is that people need people, and this includes men needing women needing men.
But let’s be honest here, as we get older (and I’m a man in my early 50s now), it’s not so much about infatuation and lust as it was back in the day, but more to do with a deeper connection, that being companionship, camaraderie (hope that’s not a really OLD word lol), and a much more deeper kind of love and affection for one another.
So, IMHO, middle-aged women aren’t done with men, or visa-versa, and if they think they are, they probably shouldn’t be. Variety is the spice of life at any age, and the quality of our lives is based on the quality of our relationships. If any man – or woman – isn’t connecting with members of the opposite sex, then it’s my guess they’re trying to connect with those folks that are simply not right for them 😉
Andy Aitch
I’m a middle aged man. My wife of 20 years divorced me because she felt she was neglected. She had a list of complaints that amounted to garden variety wife complaints. It was a strange accusation because I spent time every day listening to all of her problems. I loved spending time with her. We went on dates all the time, and she was very enthusiastic about our intimate life.
Her request for a divorce was a complete shock to me, and she wouldn’t consider marriage counseling or any alternative.
I started dating and I naturally tried to date women close to my own age. It stuck me as silly to date women decades younger than me. Oddly I’m being forced into doing just that.
I’ve been amazed to hear a series of middle aged women tell me that they divorced their husbands of 20 years for exactly the same reasons my wife divorced me. They, however, act like I’m the most exciting man they’ve ever met. It causes me to wonder if my ex wife met their former husband would she find him to be the most exciting man she’s ever met? Yet, how can I be so wonderful, when my wife left me for the same reasons these women left their husbands? I don’t see the difference between he and I. These women are strangely willing to overlook the fact that I have all the same bad habits as their ex husband.
I have no idea what this means, or what it says about female midlife crisis. What I do know is that they’ve proven themselves to be remarkably short sighted, selfish and immature. My children have suffered horribly because of our divorce. It has caused them to question everything about their childhoods. (They thought things were great.) These women have jacked up the lives of their children and their flawed but loyal husbands for what appears to be an “Eat, Pray, Love” fantasy.
I would never get involved with one of these women. They have no character.
So, I’m stuck dating women much younger women.
It’s very strange.
Your observations are pretty much on the mark, James. You made me laugh !!!
I am a 53 yo lady, My husband left our marriage 10 years ago, I was shattered but what could I do? If he was not happy – he was not happy…… I got on with my life, worked hard paid off a small home and raised and educated our daughter, who has gone interstate with her career. Was too busy working and tired to ‘date’. Now, 10 years later it is my turn, if I meet someone nice then great. There is no such thing as the flawless partner, you are right, James……. and good luck !
Kerrie – Australia
I’ve now reached the age of 50 and since I was about 48 I’ve now become invisible. I’m relatively physically fit as I cycle 5 days a week and occasionally exerecise but no matter how much moisturiser I plaster on it doesn’t take the years away. I’ve had people drive past make a good comment and then say nice body but a ‘horrible’ face. I’ve had the next door neighbour make a comment in ear shot when I was in the garden say quote, She wouldn’t be a bad looking bird if she didn’t have such a horrible face. He was 23. Slowly it’s chipped away at my self confidence and I find myself thinking , yes, I’m old obviously, it’s all over. Mentally, I don’t feel any different but I find because I’m seen as passed it, I dont feel sexually attractive anymore and so have lost interest in sex. The only positive thing about being a women in this situation is that you can try to become interested in other things besides sex and become a more mentally interesting.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
I’m sorry that you have had to endure those sorts of comments. I though our eyesight got worse around midlife just so we couldn’t see each other’s wrinkles and sags! In truth, you wouldn’t want to be with men who said things like that. So, please don’t listen to what some jerks say; just continue to feel good about yourself and sexy, while also pursuing other interests. That attitude is a happier and healthier one, regardless if you’re partnered or not. Stay strong!
I think what this article tells men is simple – if you want to have a relationship and you want children then fine, go for it – but don’t whatever you do get married !
There is literally zero upside to you in getting that marriage certificate and there is a high probability at some point that she is going to want out, even if you are a good guy.
The message couldn’t be clearer.
Women in their 50s know more about who they are and what they want then they did when they got married the first time. They’ve grown up. I know many women who are unhappy in their long-term marriages but they stay with these men because they have children and living on one income is pretty tough these days. I am not one of them. I’m a single parent whose husband left 9 years ago and am raising two teenagers who take up much of my time. I did date for years, but have never found someone who fit what I have come to expect in someone that I could love – respect, interest, humor, financial security, physical attraction – and most important not boring. I don’t know if I will spend the rest of my life alone but I would not be surprised if I do. It’s lonely sometimes – yes it is Saturday night and I sit here on this web site – but there are two young people who depend upon me for their emotional health and love and security. I am their rock. I have a decent job and a career that is sometimes fulfilling. Is this all that there is? I hope not.
Judy, I know EXACTLY where you are coming from. My husband left 10 years ago and it was all up to me to provide home education and stability. And funnily enough Saturday night for me too. I am 53 and now alone, so now it is time for me I guess. Everyone says it is truly difficult to find someone to make a good partner. Will do all the things that I would like to do now, and if a good man comes my way that is a bonus. We do our best for our children. Now it is time for us. Cheers Kerrie
Interesting reading, i’m 58, 6 years ago i took up with a lady 52,we both have children from previous relationships.
The problems we have had are from one of her sons and his relationships, maybe i’m wrong but i got *issed off hearing about her manchild who’s 28 years of age?
If you want a relationship in later years, you have to commit to the relationship as you would as a youngster, then we have the fact that older women generally have grandkids, they become the doting granny, they forget about the relationship they are in.
No wonder older men look to get in relationships with younger women, the reason is that they know what we need, that’s WHY i’ve walked away from my ‘older’ woman, she didn’t fulfill my needs.
Sorry if this offends anyone but it’s MY truth.
There are so few younger women interested in older men that men have to be realistic about their options. A woman 5 or 7 younger might be interested but beyond that it’s unlikely, unless you are well off and don’t mind being used.
“I wish he would just have an affair” god just reading that I became so angry, I know it’s the title of a refered article. So that’s it then, after years of hard work the man is left finally tired from toil to a wife who pushes him away emotionally hoping he’ll cheat just so she’s has an excuse to divorce and take half of the money she probably didnt earn or else she would just have left. This is a sick sick idea, you women should be ashamed of yourselves, if you really don’t enjoy the blessing a hard working man brings then by all means leave the dinner table…without the doggie bag ladies
well now i know why the Lesbian population has increased.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
It has?
Really interesting reading…..none of it offensive btw. I don’t mind men or women airing their frustrations or their personal truths.
For those that feel unattractive….I am sorry and hope you climb out of that sadness.
I have been married for over 20 years. Not attractive, not ugly. Sex life is non existent and I DO crave sex….just not with my husband whom I find really NOT sexy in the least. He is not physically fit for sex, meaning last time we did, he had to stop abruptly and quickly after we started because he didn’t feel good. That was about a year ago. He yells and acts as if he doesn’t like me at all. Treats me as if I have no brains when in fact I am well educated and have a lot of common sense. I get tired of being treated as an inferior.
After reading all the posts for what they are I see that his side of the story would be mich different. He would likely say that I have too many outside interests, am cold and untouchable. It is really frustrating.
Why do I stay? I don’t know…..we have a child at home for one more year till she leaves for college. It seems so daunting too…..finding my own place, giving up my sweet puppy-dogs (he would surely keep them), just striking out on my own at my age (49)….seems so scary.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
Heidi,
So sorry it’s taken me so long to respond.
Everything can seem scary, but what’s the cost of buying into that? We stay stuck because the known is easier than the unknown. OK, but is that what you want in life?
Please don’t see this as me saying, get out now; if you think you can find a way to rediscover the sexiness of your husband, if you think he can find a way to see you as other than “cold and untouchable,” who knows — you might reinvent yourselves. If you think you can make it work, go for it; it only takes one to start something (as long as you realize after a point, it needs to be reciprocal).
Divorce can be hard, but so is being in an unhappy, sexless marriage. Just think of what your daughter is experiencing (and I would have a good, long talk with her; she probably will offer a bit of a wake-up call if she is honest with you).
Don’t let fear guide your decisions; listen to your hearty and gut. They are much more honest than fear.
Please let me know how things go. I’m wishing the best for you!
this is a funny video that explains it all
enjoy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dgkjnAD2Hl8
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
OK, you made me laugh. Now, pass that beer …
Dogs, cats, horses for physical touch and affection. Kids, grandkids, girlfriends for the gamut of social interaction and relational interaction. Work for validation. Lemme see, what’s the man for? Yes to the guy, talk, talk talk. God help us if we’re, fit, intelligent, romantic. Fact is, we’d get along great with women our age if only we weren’t so male.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
I happen to like that males are males; when I want female energy, I hang with my galfriends. Thanks for commenting.
Then why a man as myself being loyal and to my wife and their wives do women want to dump us in our 50’s?
I hate to break this to the women, but once a women hits 30, there marketability in single scene starts to diminish radically with men there own age, who naturally prefer women younger than them. Men in there 30’s prefer women in there 20’s, men in there 40’s prefer women in there 30’s, etc. When you start reaching 50’s a lot of men are married, divorced and don’t trust women anymore because of the raw deal he got from the divorce trail or have died off because of workplace injury, war, or accidents, etc.
What is concerning is that all of these single aging women going into there 60’s and 70’s are going to create a huge economic drag on our economy and already bankrupt government. Even if women are done with middle aged men, they still need them to be doing the lion shares of the work in the economy and pay the taxes to fund the government socialist programs that benefit women at the expense of men.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
Thanks for commenting Johnny, but you are hardly telling women anything they haven’t experienced first-hand.
That said, almost all of my 50-something friends are happily partnered with 50-something men (and one 40-something), and two just got engaged. Some men may want younger women and that’s fine as we’re not interested in them either, so it works out well for everyone, but other men believe what Louis C.K. says: “You’re not a woman until people come out of your vagina and step on your dreams.” They like smart and seasoned women, not girls.
Since women live longer than men (not necessarily our choice, but biology, and men shouldn’t complain because we we care for our husbands until they die and then have no one to care for us), yes, there will always be more of us in old age. Are you planning to care for your mom like she cared for you as a boy? I sure hope so, especially since you’re worried about her being a “huge economic drag on our economy and already bankrupt government.”
Men in their 40s and older are not a good bet if a woman wants to have children. Mutations in a man’s sperm build up as he ages making him more likely to have a child with any number of different physical and mental disorders. There are so many of them linked to older men and researchers have just begun to study the dangers of these mutations to a child’s health.
A man’s age is as important as a woman’s in determining whether she with have a child with Downs Syndrome and her odds go up if her partner is 40+. The latest is Noonan Syndrome which men middle aged and older are at a high risk for fathering a child with because it has no other cause than “old man” sperm. By 40, a man has a 1 in 50 chance of fathering a child with schizophrenia and a study in Sweden found by 45 the odds are closer to 1 in 20. Experts are saying older men shouldn’t worry about their higher risk of fathering a child with bipolar disorder (men 45+ are 25x more likely than a man in his 20s to father a child with bipolar disorder ) because it’s such a rare disease but recent studies show it’s not rare at all and affects 4-5% of the population.
Children of men 45+ have on average lower IQs and one study found their children are 60% more likely to fail in school and 70% more likely to be dropouts. Another study found they average 10 years less of academic study. Researchers say this is due to the lower quality sperm of older men.
A woman is 5x more likely to have a miscarriage if her partner is 40 and the risks of miscarriage increase as her partner ages. Her odds of having a preemie or stillbirth double if her partner is 45+ and one study found her odds of having a child with Downs Syndrome quadruple if he is 50+. Other studies link higher incidents of neurological problems with children at birth to older fathers.
One researcher said these studies are just the tip of the iceberg for diseases linked to the mutations in the sperm of older men.
A man’s fertility declines much more rapidly than was previously thought. A recent study in Bristol found pregnancy attempts are 50% more likely to fail for men 40 and older compared to younger men. Another study found that by 40, pregnancy attempts are 50% more likely to fail compared to men 30 and younger and 60% of his sperm lack mobility. Studies on mice and in fertility clinics both concluded that a man’s fertility drops 50% between 40 and 45 and drops 10% each year after. Men 45 and older on average take 5x longer to get a woman pregnant and are 5x more likely to take a year or more to get a woman pregnant. Basically, the older he is the less likely he is to get a woman pregnant and the longer on average it will take and the higher the risk to the child for various diseases.
This is why women want to dump their men. This crap. Get tired of it being shoved in my face, happy for him to go find what he is looking for. Tired of being out to eat and him groveling at something much younger. So many of my married friend’s husbands have posters up of younger woman, watch porn, jack off, sex becomes a chore yet it is the most important thing to a man, but no with his wife (hey with himself with thoughts of another woman — who would want that?). Middle age life sucks when you are married and dealing with crappy behaviour from a spouse. But we are all entitled to be “OURSELF” that is how we are wired to be 😉 Raise your hand if you want OUT.
Their. The word is THEIR, not there. Sheesh!
In my experience many middle-aged women on first encounters still seem to behave as if they think they are as sexually desirable as a young woman. They act coy and wait for you to call; they think they are really desirable. Bah. Those patterns won’t work anymore.
Most middle aged women look like bags of sand when compared to a healthy woman under 40yo. This is reality so women need to make it easier for men and forget the old mind games that work for an 18yo beauty. Looks are important to men on first meeting. Biology is cruel but we’re stuck with it. I think it has much more to do with the raw sexual attractiveness of youth than a man’s self-image though obviously that’s a factor for those seeking a “trophy” partner. Young women simply cause older sluggish penises to jump to vertical attention.
It’s attitude too. Young women are generally positive, energetic, and can actually be impressed. Older women tend to be more accomplished and worldly but jaded, generally unimpressed by men as a point of ego or political correctness and bitter from bad experiences. As people age they tend to filter their talk less and carry more emotional baggage hence the stereotype of the nagging shrew, unfortunately all too commonly encountered in reality.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
Phil, you sound somewhat jaded, sorry. My middle-aged female friends are not only sexier, smart and more confident than young women, but they are most certainly not “bags of sand.” They bike, hike, run, and care for their body. Biology may be important if you want to have kids, but after that …
Since you’re generalizing, I see a lot of out-of-shape, boring middle-aged men; many just can’t keep up withe the energy the women have. And carrying baggage knows no age or gender; we’re all sort of walking wounded. By middle-age, many have addressed those issues face on; the young? Not so much; more self-absorption than self-awareness, as is appropriate for that age.
Spoken like a middle aged woman: “My middle-aged female friends are not only sexier, smart and more confident than young women”. Oh right. Sexier than all those hot young women? That’s very doubtful, unless you’re friends with Michelle Pfeiffer. We’d all like to believe the best about our own demographic and it can be hard to see fault when we’re part of it.
“I see a lot of out-of-shape, boring middle-aged men.” Of course. But that’s another discussion altogether.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
Well, touche. But, you have to define sexy. Do middle-aged women have the same bodies as 20-somethings? Not quite, even those of us who work out, eat right and stay fit. But a body alone does not make a woman sexy. Confidence, brains, a sharp wit, a flirtatious demeanor — all of those go much farther in creating allure, mystery and, yes, sexiness (think Helen Mirren). Those women often attract much younger men (or smart men their own age) who are tired with the drama, insecurities and self-absorption of women their own age or younger. Obviously, that’s not every woman at midlife; some are jaded, some have let themselves go, etc. etc. so I am not saying it’s occurring across the board. Still, I see and know many more attractive and interesting single middle-aged women than middle-aged men in the SF Bay Area. Much may depend on where you live.
And no one addressed the comment about older women being “jaded”. I wonder who made them that way? My bet would be on the men they were in relationships with. Also, I have gotten this far down the comments and have not seen what I think is an obvious – although touched upon, not directly stated – there are sexual things about being a wife that just get to be too much after so long. You end up middle aged with a man jacking to porn wanting anal once a week and other stuff the other 6 days. Truthfully, I wanted my babies. I got them, I raised them and now all this sex every dang day seems only to serve one person – and it hurts. I don’t want to live the few remaining years I have living like that . So, I am happy to pass him to the 20-somethings/30-somethings/crack whore – whatever he is able to attract. He has lived off me for 24 years and I raised my kids by myself (financially with him on my back, too). I am tired and am no longer interested in ceding my body to his pleasure while tears run down my face. Done.
Middle aged men are not that attractive either. Middle age women may put up more with a man’s loss of looks but it doesn’t mean he’s as attractive as he was in his 30s. I don’t find most middle aged men attractive until I get to know them. If they are overweight or bald, ugh. it is hard to feel sexually attracted and the sexual decline men go through is not easy to deal with either. If most women had the option of dating younger, I think they definably would. An AARP study found 30% of women who responded were with younger men and good for them!
Phil sounds like some one I work with, my work colleague laughs and jokes with me and then refers to my age (57) as though I grew up on a differant planet. He is 47 and he is married as am I. Since hitting menopause I have found a new strength and confidence I really feel like nothing can stop me doing anything I want to. I use make up and varnish my nails, which I must admit I hadn’t done for years and even though I am out of shape I am losing weight and getting into shape, I have started to listen to music again, his attitude seems to be and he has said this ‘do you know how old you are’ it has knocked my confidence at times and has made me question my behaviour. Even so if we are working together we get on fine, it’s as though he needs to pigeon hole me and not recognise me as an individual he may like. This is not unusual as in my experience if you seem younger in attitude and then your age is realised you are made to feel like you are cheating and that you should have your age stamped across your forehead. I am enjoying my life and doing things that I haven’t done in years and even though my husband is suffering from illness and that our sex life is zero I am discovering sex toys which I must admit are at times better than the real thing! That’s something that I never believed I would ever try.
Great you and my wife also as far as the sex thing goes! She makes me feel totally useless!
Way to go Jan!!! It is fun finding that zing in life again!! I like the toys too. My ex and non of the men I have dated over the last 4 years have bothered to understand woman parts so … it is good isn’t it 🙂 I had my first organism at the age of 48 following divorce, I have been missing out. I never realized sex could be so good. Couldn’t tell my ex anything, destroyed his ego, had to walk on egg shells. So … by the men I will be made to feel like I should have been able to communicate with my man to help him know how to please me. Uhhhh nope, when you marry at age 21 a young dude just can’t take instruction and then you grow old together and get stuck. Men can be very rigid unless of course they are demanding something from their SO. Ask them to do something out of their comfort and non interest zone, hmmmm not going going to happen.
I apologize for this rather late posting but I’ve only just encountered this site.
First, I just turned 55 (whoo hoo!) and have never been married and have no children. However, all of my friends and most of my siblings have been, or still are, married with children. I’ve been fortunate to have been included as a favorite aunt in all of their lives and never felt I’ve missed anything, especially since I’ve received promises that I’ll always be cared for in my ‘old age’. LOL!
Second, I state honestly that I’m no beauty and I no longer have the body I had at 25; however, I do think I’m attractive. Maybe that’s it! In addition, I make a point of smiling, it does great things for our facial muscles, and I think it makes us a bit more approachable. I wish I could tell you how often conversations have been started with someone, men included, simply because of a smile. I hear often, “What a lovely smile, please don’t lose it!” or “You just made my day!”, even “Thank you for sharing your ‘happy’ with me.” I don’t look to date men younger than myself, but it was very interesting to be asked out recently by two men under 35. I went home and pulled out my moisturizer to see if a new ingredient had been added… perhaps a pheromone or two that I missed in the ingredients list.
Finally, I write all of this to say… I’m no more special than any other woman. And, yes, I have some of the same angst we all have of getting older… I say embrace it and just see what happens! Let’s make it a bit easier for those around us to see us for who we really are – wonderful, capable, exciting, inviting, and strong women!
I’ve read that, statistically, people of both genders usually overrate their own sexual attractiveness a little. I imagine it’s a defense that helps our confidence. Less is not more on the mating battlefield.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
You are right, Phil — amazing how the mind tries so hard to keep us going!
Agree 100%
I am a 50 year old divorced, (then my ex shortly thereafter died). He had drinking problems that I couldn’t deal with and didn’t want to put my two children, then 5 and 8 through his drinking binges, etc. That was many years ago (almost 14 years now). My children are now grown and “leaving the nest”. I am successful in my work as an RN and this much I don’t want to change. However, I continually ask myself ‘Is this all there is, is there nothing else in life, will I grow old alone? I have had the same thought come into my mind for some time now. Sometimes I feel like I just want to leave, move, start over, and maybe at some point, find someone special. I’m not looking for marriage, but someone close. Someone who is chivalrous, caring, loving. I don’t see any man out there like this any more. It seems they are extinct. I’m not really “hunting”, just thinking that somewhere along the line, I might meet someone special. I am casually dating a doctor from where I work, however, he is from a foreign country and is ultra conservative in every respect. He is very rich, which doesn’ t much matter to me. I’ve made my own way and I don’t and could never be “a kept woman”. He is very “homebodyish”, he never goes anywhere and for whatever reason, he is very tight fisted. I don’t want gifts or anything like that, I just want some emotion, of which I see very little from him. I’m just saying, Is this all there is? Sometimes I think about just taking off, leaving everything behind. Just taking what I can carry, get in my car and just end up in some small seaside town where I can just chill out and enjoy the quiet and peace and serenity. However, I guess, in my older years, I’m still looking for the dream. Whatever that may be. Does any of this make any sense to you all, or am I just being crazy here??? Any thoughts would be welcome. I feel very alone and undecided about the second phase of my life.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
Linda, thanks for sharing your story.
I’m sorry to hear of your losses and confusion; midlife is full of both and then some!
I don’t believe in a “is this all there is?” mentality. It is what we make it to be; no one makes it for us.
So, perhaps you do need to pamper yourself a bit — if you’re just becoming an empty-nester, then you should feel good about the fact that you raised your kids and helped launch them. After all those years of care-giving, now it’s time to care-give yourself. You now have the freedom, time and energy to think about what you want the next decades to look like; I hope you explore that with gusto!
And you don’t have to have the answers — you just have to be open to the possibilities.
human beings,be it male or female seem to always blame one or the other for the demise of the relationship,i am 48 and am recently divorced. i like to look at things by using common sense and simple math. FEMINISM,SOCIAL MEDIA,BAD ECONOMY,PHILOSOPHICAL DIFFERENCES,ALL play into this,MEN can have mental ,physical, and emotional changes with age.BUT WOMEN have way more HORMONAL issues which play upon there emotional,phyisical and mental outlook from a young age.i watched perimenapause turn my wife into a complete one way that blamed ME for everything that was wrong with our 10 yr relationship (married 7).i took a biz.she had from a floundering money losing mess to a profitable and flourishing one,then she pushed me out and took all the credit,hell , she wasnt even going to take the biz.from her x ,i talked her into taking it.and now after her midlife fling with a 21 yr. old employee that caused demise and 3rd man from a dating site she is now goin on 50 in dec.been paying rent for a year and a half and in debt. out her ass.pure selfishness when the estrogen stops flowing.she is a beautiful women but with a guy that claims to b loaded and is about as attractive as a mudd fence.when it comes down to it ,most women pick financial stature over LOVE AND COMPANIONSHIP and being comfortable . HELL i sometimes wish i were a good looking women,i would parlay it into $$$$$. by the way ,he works 4 her LMAO .i know i watched her turn into someone that i didnt even know.so now ,all i have to choose from in my age group is the same thing i divorced.and in divorces 9 times out of 10 ,the women ends up financially better off ,and bragg about how independent they are.LMAO ,ofcoarse ,u got the house ,the kidz,the 401 k ,child support,alimony the vehicles etc. need i say more.if they arent crazy when you get with them ,they will be when they hit midlife .
I think the majority of women who got married young feel a miss of contemporary lifrstyle, an era that partly contribute to the fact that more people aee postponing marriage. Most comment noted: dont want to be defined/consumed by/lose myself in a relationship, well ANY relationship will ask the participant to adapt to some degree in order to live in harmony. I cant speak to every poster but perhaps every milestone passed must be celebrated as accomplishment of building a legacy, having a time off without a complete separation, perhaps switching the roles a bit, going back to school, schedule workout together, basicly to make effort to add few dimensions as an andividual and as a couple. All these advances in technology comes and goes, the carefree life isnt that rewarding cause at the end of that light, nobody actually really cares. Only your legacy will. I wonder if anyone feels a violation to your own wedding vows ?
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
Thanks for commenting, Sue. I like your idea of celebrating milestones with reinvention within a marriage. I think that’s really the only way a couple can make it for decades happily, and that’s exactly what Susan Pease Gadoua and I suggest in The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels. But I don’t agree with you that the carefree life isn’t that rewarding; many people have rich, full lives without being coupled. Not everyone is good marriage material.
FTA: “I keep wondering if this is all there is.”
This is quite possible the most retarded thing I have ever read.
Yes, yes that’s “all” there is and be grateful. Most women in the world are starving to death, fending off rebels/war/disease, others are living a life of subjugation, some get attacked with acid for refusing to be forced into marriage. Yet, here this one is complaining because life has become habitual. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
As a man who sees women in all their beauty in the later part of their life, the opening to this blog comes across as women being just plain ‘bored’ with the men they share a living space with. That’s kind of a sad, but reakistic state to be in.
As a man – who because of the loss of my partner through bereavement – has been without a woman in my life for about five years now, I have learned the hard way about what it means to be older. much more mature emotionally (hopefully) and what it means to have an other half in one’s life.
I am presently living and working in a different culture which bases marriage and being together as a societal and emotionally stable state to be in; the values and expectations just seem to be so different, and where interestingly, private life really is a private affair and not some kind of ‘peep show’ as in out Western culture of show and tell all as much as possible on Television and Films. The message I get there is one of ’emotional stability’ in a partnership – and I’ve had people tell me this in this culture.
I agree with a previous post which points out that ‘western’ values put too much emphasis on the ‘lust’ side of things – largely fuelled by the very western pre occupation with porn. Expectations are far too unrealistic too as to what relationships should be. There is far to much emotional immaturity in our very western culture at this time and that lies to some extent at the heart of the subject of this very good blog.
Maybe there is a lesson to be learned from other cultures?
To me as a middle aged man there is nothing more priceless than to be held in a woman’s arms and to be told,
‘I want you, I love you and you are the person I want to be with…’
To me there is nothing better in life and that takes learning and going through quite a lot of living and experience to get to that stage.
Amazing.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
Al, thanks for writing. I do think we could learn a lot from other cultures and the way they approach marriage and child rearing. Susan Pease Gadoua and I address some of that in our book, The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels.</em> Our romanticized view of marriage and our emphasis on love has made the union unstable. I hope you join us as we launch an Occupy Marriage movement!
If I could find a western man that thought like this, I’d lay down my life for him. But western men are “VISUAL”, very “VISUAL” ie lusty turds that spend their hours in their mind of sexual fantasy and the chase there in and use their SO as a sexual appliance. To combat it —- a woman has to find her own way otherwise deal with the BS that comes along with just being an object in a relationship that is to be exchanged out for the next “VISUAL” toy. So … I’ve adapted, I think of this daily, and I am seaching for the blind man that values a healthy relationship were both are valued and are not just slabs of meat and where sex isn’t the main event. Haven’t found him yet and I haven’t given up hope. Sex/lust in the westernal world is in over drive.
Al your post is wonderful. That’s the kind of maturity middle aged women are looking for. A man who appreciates emotional bonds. I wonder what culture/country you are referring to?
I was widowed at 49. My husband and I met when I was nineteen. It was in many, many ways a wonderful marriage, with years of wonderful sex and ultimately, much more importantly, mutual support through all the innevitable ups and downs. There were the financial problems, the deaths of parents, the struggles through work. But there was much joy and steady, solid mutual support and companionship. His death just after his 53rd birthday was unimagined by both of us.
I am now, at the time of writing this, just older than he was when he died. Unthinkable really. I still have moments when I find myself surprised that I am here and he is not. The death of a long-term partner has been compared to an amputation. To me it felt like losing my skin – being flayed – and suddenly vulnerable to an alien world.
It has been, and still is, a very slow process trying to gather myself together, find myself again, but I have been seeing other men. I have tried some on-line dating and the results are sometimes, frankly, scary. But not always. I have made some friends – both older and younger, and the fault that it goes no further than ‘platonic’ is mine, not theirs.
I wonder whether single middle-aged men are not wiser than someone like me who, in many ways, is still ‘stuck’ in a romantic idea of relationships because I did the whole ’till death do us part’ thing? I wonder too if I really, really do need men and wonder why so many women do feel this need to ‘have’ a man to complete them. Is it cultural? Is it because women still feel that their value is judged by whether or not there is a man in their life?
What I am certain of is that I miss the company of men and this is not just because I struggle sometimes with cleaning the gutters, walking the dogs, checking the oil in the car, mowing the lawn as well as working full-time …
So, you jaded men on this thread, not all middle-age women are cynics, and damaged and, I can’t speak for others, but I need you around for the laughs, the adventures and, simply, because we are all in this strange and wonderful battleground of life together.
Oh – and I have no intention of taking up knitting! I have taken up motorcyling instead. The knitting might come when I am eighty.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
Thanks for comments and I am so sorry for your loss, Lyra.
Yes, it’s wonderful to have men for friendship, laughs, adventures, sex …
It’s hard to shake the romantic trajectory we know — fall in love, become a couple, move in, marry, kids, etc.
That isn’t a script we need to follow at our age.
Enjoy your bike, be safe and be open to the possibilities.
Lyra, My life was very similar to you. I got married when I was 19 and widowed at 58. Since we were happily married, I never thought I would have to re-invent myself at this late age. I participate in a lot of boot camp type exercise classes and square dance 2 to 3 times per week. I have been a widow for over 5-1/2 years and have not dated yet. Since I look a lot younger than 64, it is not unusual for men in their mid-forties to ask me out. I politely decline telling them that I have a daughter their age. Most of the men my age have not taken good care of their health. I don’t mind starting over, but I do not want to be a caretaker right off the bat. I would like to travel and have some fun first. Like you, I am not taking up knitting. I hike, kayak, play bocce, and go to various square dancing festivals. I would be receptive IF the right man came into my life. Until then, I will continue to do it alone. Take care.
I was devastated when my ex left me 16 years ago for a woman whose last name was Cheatham(yep!). Since then, I’ve had a few false starts in the relationship department and haven’t dated in several years. Although I’ve met a few nice, educated, financially stable men, they suffer one of more of the following:
*has not established appropriate boundries with adult children and/or ex spouse. where these family members have a history of undermining anyone he dates.
* He is too weak or afraid of not being “liked” to do anything about it.
*hides how much he drinks in the beginning.
*is not far enough out from his divorce.
* too young or too old.
*I now am reticent to date someone with too many adult children. Why? Although I can understand and respect that he wants to attend every family function I don’t have the time or interest in going to every one of these events even if I like his family. Some people may balk at this but I’ve heard the same complaint from both men and women.
I am attractive, fit, am a lifetime equestrian, volunteer, have good friends, no addictions and am a professional. Although, I would welcome the right man into my life and would be willing to do some compromising, I’m no longer interested in compromising a lot.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
A lot of middle-aged women feel the same way, Rocket — we no longer want to compromise to the point that we feel consumed by a relationship. At this age, though, people often do have older children (and dating men/women who have younger children can be just as problematic as dating people with adult children and grandchildren!). So, we may have to be a bit more accepting of such stuff if the core of the person is good. There isn’t perfect and we don’t offer perfect, either. What we need is a good-enough fit (and someone who excites us!)
Amen to that!
Well, I’m 53 and although I’m not through with men, they seem to be through with me. I haven’t had a boyfriend or even a date since 2010, and it’s been more than 5 years since I’ve had sex. Men look through me like I’m air or something. Most of them only want the younger women (and when I say younger I mean early 20s). If I try to approach them, they take this attitude that seems to say “I’d rather put manure in my late model sports car and drive cross country than be in the same room with YOU!” It’s a lonely and discouraging life I lead sometimes, but what can you do? I’m been actively telling myself that I don’t have to like the reality that for me I won’t find romantic love, but I have to face it and learn to deal with it and find other thing in life.
I’m 49 average looking and plump but I get hit on all the time, sometimes by younger men. I have health problems and I get hit on by my doctors as well. There are definitely men out there interested in women their own age and most men have unrealistic expectations of being able to date younger. I look at most middle aged men as air because there isn’t much to look at at their age, but I go to support groups and church activities and meet men that way.
Stick a fork in me, I am so done with men! I am 49, turning 50 in September, married for 25 years, two grown children, one grandchild. I can’t tell you how foolish I feel and how depressed I am about my situation.
I was a stay-at-home mother, as my husband worked a swing shift job, that made it hard to work outside the home, as well as not very cost effective. We also relocated with his job, which left me without any kind of support system.
My husband was and still is very abusive, physically, mentally, and verbally! I resent him so much, to the point of hatred. Every time I ever mentioned divorce, he would become violent, and threaten me that he would take the kids away from me, lie and have me institutionalized, quit his job, so he didn’t have to pay support, so on, and so on, so I stayed.
We relocated again in 2007 to a different state, so I though it would be almost like starting over, but you cannot change the character of person. My husband is 10 years older than me and has an ego so large, I am not sure how he stands up so straight. He is short, bald, has a beer gut, a space between his teeth, and still thinks he is God’s gift. Me on the other hand, I can actually say, that I used to be attractive. I am not being conceited, I am just stating a fact. With that being said, you would think that my husband would think he had quite the catch, right? Wrong! During our entire marriage, he has looked at other women right in front of me, real creepy like. I would feel so humiliated, and confront him, and he would say I was crazy, that he was not looking at anyone. He bought a harley, and went out on that every night of the week to which ever biker bar was having their special that night, while I stayed home with the kids. He got to go golfing, bowling, nascar races, ext., ect., while I stayed home with the kids.
I was and still am an excellent cook, excellent housekeeper, and good mother, and aways took care of my appearance, and most importantly, I was faithful my entire marriage!!!
About three years ago, I went to a function for my husband’s employer, and we were in a very large parking lot filled with lots of people, when I heard very loud and clear, a woman’s voice call to my husband from clear across the parking lot, and as she was calling out to him, she was in a full wave. I did not know who she was, as he never mention her before. As we got closer to her, he was all smiles and joking with her like something I had never seen before, even slapping his knee and bending over laughing. I find out later that she is 7 years younger than me, is not married, just living with a guy, and works directly with my husband. Not only that, a few months later, a dinner for his company, that same woman walked into a crowed dining room, looked directly at my husband and waved, while I was sitting next to him. I looked at him, and waved. When I asked him what that was all about, he said, “Don’t start any sh#*!” Needless to say, I have been extremely distant ever since!
At one point, he left his computer on his work website, and I go to snooping at old e-mails, where I saw him say, “I luv you too!”, and “Your friend in the *(* making business”, and so on. Oh, but I am the crazy one, thinking his is up to no good? What do all of you think?
I think men truly think woman are suckers!!!!!! They can treat you like shit all along, and then wonder, after you know, your duties, especially as a mother, are finished, they no longer have to put up with your sh** anymore! I mean he is going to be 60, and now, oh how could I leave him or want a divorce?! REALLY?! Men need to think of how they are treating their wives all along, not when they are ready to retire, and have to split their 401k and pension!!!!! Paybacks are a Bi*$#!!!!!!!!!!!
Life is a zero sum game. Which simply means anything or state you express from has it’s own opposite component. Like ,get rich worry about keeping your money and becoming dependent on excessive materialism, develop love any activity that takes a lot of time and displace other former multiple interests, yearn for intimacy and lose many elements of individual freedom. It is not wrong to desire love , affection, sex, but there is a price to pay for it. You gain all the intimacy then have an obligation for constant communication, exclusionary time requirements, expectations on plans and finances, integration of family issues , and so on. Men and women often work well together as a team but also understand the individual need to actualize on who we are and how we want to live. Modern life has so many forced required burdens both real and expected that being alone seems the only way to escape a kind of personal negative bondage. It takes a special man and women to understand and allow each other the freedom to be who they are and still enjoy each other. We are all competing with an enormous information power produced by advertisers and society and turmoil sells more than contentment. Be all you can be and constantly compare yourself to others is the message we receive and we know the evil in that.
Very well said.
So it seems, and it is real hard meeting a good woman for many of us guys today.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
Not at all, the Known Truth. Just because middle-aged women may not want to tie the knot doesn’t mean they’re not kind, loving and giving women. They just don’t want to married. You can still love and be committed to someone without a gold ring.
Really?
After 24 years of being with the same lady and now 2 years after the divorce, I am finding the dating scene royally stinks for men and women. Maybe because of feminism or the media, maybe because women are tired of men???? Come on…sure a lot of men are pigs, jerks etc etc. Some women are not so kind either. I have found women where I live for now, either stuck up, serious man haters, to young, (I’m 50) or all are married. I pretty much given up on ladies where I live.
OK so how to put it in perspective. I am currently dating a man that is 60 (fat, very fat, gray very gray – about 100 pounds over weight, smokes, was an athlete, still thinks he is an althlete – I am 52 (exercise daily – run 5 miles every other day, financial secure due to my own career, cute, I am average weight per BMI calculator) , just started dating – 10 days in, 4 days of seeing each other – His comments to me
– I am not setttling, I know what I want
– I was unfaithful to my ex wife, she didn’t like what I liked
– I am attracted to you because you take care of yourself
– I masturbate regularly
– I do porn
– My son who is recently married, is pussy whipped (he lets her thinks she is in control but he is the man)
– I am not interested in anyone my own age, they are too old
This is just a small smattering of comments. LOL. HOLY COW. Hmmmm What would be in store for my future? Do I stay or do I GO-O? LMAO.
Am I a man hater? Gosh, I think I am just trying to survive the BS. It really is very comical. I’ve dated A LOT — this pattern of male thinking has been more prevalent than any other thinking I have come across. No prince charmings yet. Maybe the next 5 years will yeild something better, I’m still hopeful.
Maybe this dude is just trying to get a rise out of me. If so is this a “GAME”? Is he TESTING ME? What games do I have to succeed and play at to WIN and be a viewed as a good partner? Men don’t play games, only women do — RIGHT. LMAO. Do I stay or do I GO-O? Maybe we did this to our partners of 20 some years and got away with it, but I don’t think a new partner is going to sign up unless they are deep need. Wouldn’t that make a horrible relationship? LMAO. I was 20 and stupid once. What you see is what you get. It does not get better and things and thinking do not change.
Women, if you don’t seem up tight, seem cool, and don’t get defensive, a man will let down his guard and reveal himself to you. You then have the option of stay if it sounds good or getting the hell out of dodge before you invest anything (time, money, sex, or your heart). Good luck and the dating is fun if you do it smart. If you get fooled, learn, and move on quickly. Learn to move on versus get vested in something bad for you. Don’t let a man BS and waste your time-get the read before investing your heart. What he tells you is what he is, don’t think it will change, it won’t. You are in control of your destiny and future.
First, you need to get away from this guy. He is playing you. And if he is as unattractive and arrogant as you say, you should have no problem doing better.
I am a scientist and have relied on statistics and facts for much of my adult decision making. This article is so uncanny since my 48 year old wife, to whom I have been married for 25 years announced two days ago that she was “moving out”. She indicated that she is no longer in love with me, has recently “found herself”, and likes her new 20 and 30-something friends. My wife’s actions mirror the statistics provided in this article. It is so hard for me to imagine what went wrong. For so many years, our friends and family referred to us and our three children as the “perfect family”. We were always laughing, playing together, best friends, “on the same page” — what was I missing? She has become completely cold and has suggested that she is going to demand she gets half of everything I own. She said that she could care less if she destroys my financial future — as long as she is taken care of. Thsi is not the woman that I married or have cherished for the past 25 years. I am broken.
That is so terrible. I am so sorry.
I must advise you that, as broken as you feel right now, this is not a time to lick your wounds and wait for her to change her mind. These are critical moments for you to gather yourself and get proactive. First, if your marriage is to have any chance to survive, my bet is that she will respect you a lot more if you take charge of your situation as much as possible. Second, I would get a divorce attorney, just in case, and follow every word of his advice. You are in a position of extreme emotional vulnerability, and need to protect your interests down the line. It is amazing how quickly these things can shift, and honestly if you didn’t pick up on any signals that she was unhappy you are probably not well clued into the situation in general. So splash some cold water on your face, call some old friends, ride your bike really far, or whatever you need to do to face this head on.
Move everything you own, and I mean everything, out of the house and into private storage.
Sorry Brokenhearted Husband. That is the worst rejection a human being can experience.
Im 53, not tired of men, just ready to live my life my way and enjoy people along the way. Interesting people that what to have fun and experience life, adventures. As we get older alot of us men and women lose our wonderment of live.
I think women get sexier as they get older but it seems like the women think they are no longer sexy once they approach menopause and men feel less manly when they go through andropause . They’re repelled by each other as they age. If they worked on maintaining their sex appeal, even if just superficially, they would like each other more!
Men are shallow and usually can only think of a woman in terms of sex. There is so much more to a relationship. It just gets so old. I’m fairly certain that a large percentage of men do not even view women as human. And after a certain age, say 45, women have to be very careful when trying to begin new relationships with men of similar a similar age. Must watch out for men who: are felons or have a police record of some sort, are gay (not that there is anything wrong with that if they are open about it), abuse drugs, abuse other women, abuse alcohol, abuse helpless animals and children, are prone to psychopathy, hate women in general and/ or are excessively critical of women, have severe personality disorders such as narcissism, are control freaks, are non communicative, are unable to commit to one woman, are pedophiles, are sex addicts, etc. Remember,, there is a reason why these men haven’t been snatched up by other women before now. Having a relationship should be like having a great doubles tennis partner… You both are strong, support each other, have similar goals, compliment each other, make up for each others’ weaknesses and are honest and committed to each other. Instead, most marriages are like the old Malboro Man commercials…where the 50 something man actually believes he’s still as great looking as that man in the commercial, and he’s got his eyes/heart/ focus on his own horizon. Trouble is, his woman is the horse, and he’s straddled her, rode her hard and had her tied up and bridled for 20 plus years. One day, the horse bucks his ass on the dirt and takes off. We are such ungrateful horses for not wanting to carry his ass around for the next 20 plus years. Yea right. Girls, give it up. There is no use discussing this. Men will never get it. Women will always be blamed for making them unhappy…for casting them out, helpless, naked and screaming into the world of duality, the world of good and evil (if you want to wax philosophical about it) . Do you really want to settle for being his beast of burden emotionally, spiritually, and physically for the rest of your life, then get the message at age 79 that you’re dying of cancer or whatever…..then take care of yourself, or have your daughter or a hired nurse do it ( as you lay dying) because he’s watching TV and cannot be bothered? We’ll, do you? Get over it; have a male friend or two, if you must, but don’t waste too much energy on men (Asa life partner in that broken institution called marriage) after you wake up, or you will die an angry, bitter and unfulfilled old woman.
Hey Jatall, why don’t you get a 20″ dildo, get on a space rocket and fly off to another galaxy, by yourself, obviously nobody can stand to be around your miserable ass. Your “fucked-up” delusional mental state is messing up this galaxy’s cosmic balance.
I randomly came across this forum and found myself compelled to comment…How Poetic…LOL.
Is this a serious question? I am 46, just recently divorced, mother of 2 (ages 10 and 2) and I am just getting started with men, what do you mean by “finished?” I just came out of my midlife crisis, which hit at age 45 (interestingly just after I surprisingly had a baby at age 44). I love life in my 40’s. Professionally, I am now reaping the rewards of the toil I expended in my 20’s and 30’s, I feel secure, now live in a location and house I love, have more free time to myself than I have had since my 20’s, am at the lowest weight I have been at since college, and thankfully, do not look my age at all. I also have life experience, perspective, and poise that I did not have in my 20’s, and more confidence in general with men. Dating in my 40’s is fascinating, and my sex drive in my 40’s is off the charts. Men (of all ages) love the sexual, assertive, sassy 40-something divorced MILF. Surprisingly, I can’t tell you how many 20-something men have expressed interest, which is flattering, but honestly of no interest to me. I prefer men my own age.
I don’t know who these other women have been meeting….felons? really? I am currently seeing two men, both in their early 40’s, who are extremely attractive, secure, successful, interesting, respectful, mature, and sexually hot. I don’t feel a need at 46 to get married again, and I don’t need a “serious” relationship with all of the baggage and requirements that go along with that endeavor. That doesn’t mean that I am being “used,” or that these men have no respect for me, or even that we aren’t friends, because we are friends. Since I’ve decided to throw out the conventional “construct” of what a relationship with a man is “supposed” to be, I’ve learned and experienced a great deal of what a truly good relationship with a man is really supposed to be about and feel like. And, this is not a “one size fits all” equation that is the same for every woman at every stage of her life. That is nonsense. These new experiences with men are part of the liberating experience of reaching the age where you realize that you don’t need all of the “conventional” things that you thought you had to have in your 20’s or 30’s or you would just die alone and unhappy. That’s a myth. Or, it’s the result of passing the age where the biological urge to procreate overwhelms one and marriage and kids become #1 priority.
I never imaged in my 20’s or 30’s that I would be having the sexual time of my life in my mid-40’s, and enjoying every second of it. Men? Bring them on. Single men in their 40’s and 50’s are out there, and with the increased rate of divorce for Gen-X’ers, they are out there in droves. We’re talking quality men. I also would caution that don’t dismiss out of hand the never-married man in his 40’s. This guy could be a serial player, or, he could just take longer to mature and realize what he wants in life, and you could wing up in his direct path. These men can be extremely passionate and ready to please…also, they realize that the ranks of available women are dwindling the older they get…
If a woman emanates negativity and bitterness about men and relationships, or has these iron-clad expectations of what a relationship “should be,” men will pick up on it and be turned off by it, possibly. An open mind in ones 40’s is priceless…. you never know where you might just end up 🙂
Do you want this for your son(s)?
To be rewarded with a faithless wife who sleeps arround with any toy she can find.
Where is your soul? What happened to devotion. Commitment?
Is there no value in enduring love?
So I am a romantic fool who wanted to be with my best friend, mistress and wife forever. She and I got a little rounder but I adored her. After an accident she told me she was not going to take care of some hurt old man for 30 years.
I gave her the best life I could and adored her. So for her, forever was 22 years.
Why is it ok for a woman to abandon her husband but not the reverse?
Its not right.
Hunter, I feel your pain. Mine put me out after 21 years together. Now, I was no model husband. I like to have a good time but I didn’t cheat on her or beat on her. In the entire time we were together I put my hands on her twice and both times were to get her OFF ME during two of her rages where she would physically attack me. We fussed and fought a lot but the odd thing is that when I settled down some and started becoming what she SAID she wanted, she filed on me. Then she sleeps around with different guys for a while and finds it empty. Then she settles for one (co-worker of the one she really wanted who dumped her after a night of sex). This guy is ten years younger than her and lived with his mother. In other words, the same guy I was when she met me 20 plus years ago. He’s living with her in the house and bed we used to share (I didn’t have the heart to put her out. My bad). To ask anyone else, she was the same selfless, caretaking wife you read about in the stories above. But it’s bullshit. Looking back, she was always selfish. It was all about what she wanted when she wanted it. And that’s it. I mean, I ain’t perfect but I was always there when the chips were down. We wouldn’t even be speaking but when she had car problems, money problems, kid problems(hers), mother dying (problems) etc etc…I was there and she loved me again. But as soon as princess wasn’t getting her way…I was out. My bad for putting up with it. These women suck today. And not in a good way. They know that marriage and relationships are their domain because anytime they’re not HAPPY, they can sleep with some other schmuck. And they will because they are soulless pigs. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. It sucks.
Well after reading so many comments all I can say is that womens expectations are always far to high. U chase money, chase tall guys, chase bad boys, want to play games, etc etc. U destroy your marriages from not being the team u started out as but want want want and so your man becomes resentfull.
I am separated was wealth, good looking and took in another mans young boy and spoilt my exwife but was never enough because ladies we are not mind readers. If u want the great husband forever than tell him whats going on as us men focus on providing and a brain believes a fight is nothing and forgive and forget. women hang onto the anger deep inside, so try a bit more communication and we may live long happy marriages instead of lonely single lives.
If u are single maybe take a look at the short guy, the nice guy not the bad boy, not the rich guy and maybe u may get your night and shining armour…
Look, the fact is that men of any age are generally attracted to young women in their prime. They choose women based on the “schwing factor”, namely how much tumescence in the groin does her appearance create for the man. If he is highly aroused looking at her, he will pursue, and if he’s not she does not have value to him. This is why foreign bride services are doing so well. Men in the first world who are in an economically better position than third world men, use their financial leverage to entice good looking foreign women. The fact that she barely speaks his language is actually a good thing because this allows him to think that they see eye to eye, when in fact they just can’t communicate. A man picks his girl (yes, a man wants a GIRL not a woman), based on how she looks. That’s pretty much all they care about. Sex and looks. HER sexuality and looks that is. Men generally see themselves as good looking regardless of self care, age, hygiene. That’s just how it is.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
Thanks for commenting sf222. While I know some men think this way, I also know not all men think this way (including my last partner and my current partner, both slightly younger than I am). I don’t judge men who want to swing younger, and if they can and do, then why not? They’re just not my kind of men. Regardless of the men who “generally see themselves as good looking regardless of self care, age, hygiene,” well, the women will be the judge of that, and those men will attract the women who want — or will accept — that, or who want what else he can provide (aka “economically better position.”) The women I know who look great and love sex and own their sexuality at middle age are doing quite well, often with men younger than they are. Not all of us want to marry again, so longevity of the relationship isn’t an issue or concern. Here’s the key — if both people are enjoying the relationship and have matched expectations, then it’s a happy situation. At some point, some of us broaden what we value in a partner. But I don’t begrudge anyone his/her desires.
Re: Middle Aged Women Done With Men – not in the US but I’d give anything if that were true then I might be able to keep a job longer than a year. It’s shameful when I think of the number of jobs I had to quit or was fired from because of middle-aged, often married women, who wanted to sex and I didn’t. And of course, if a man won’t sleep with an educated white woman who desires it he’s a “Pig”, “Woman Hater”, “Mysoginist”.
it’s all about 20 seconds of orgasmic pleasure. after the babies, it’s take care of me forever daddy. men are played for fools all our lives for that warm fuzzy thing. GOD has a sense of humor boys!
Well with so many Career women today that are making much more money than many of us men do which many of them now think that their God’s gift to men but their Not.
i am, 53 was widowed 2 yrs. ago and have not been with a man and do not feel the need. i wonder if i will ever feel that need? i do miss it.
Something about me, met my partner at 45,he is the same age,both have been in previous relationships, I have one son who is at university now not living at home, he has adult children, had the best time of my life being with him, we did not lived together but seen each other few times a week, had good holidays, weddings and funerals, he just shut down on me for over three weeks now, I wrote to him only toreceive one sms that he will let me know and we will meet, is he in some sort of crisis or just dumped me, any advise?
A very excellent reason why many of us Good men are still Single today.
I am 54, left my husband of 17 years 2 years ago because he is a mean alcoholic, and for the past 3 years, he has become addicted to pain medication on top of the drinking. I am no angel by any stretch. But I finally just left, couldn’t take it anymore as he was an asshole and abusive frequently when he was drunk. I still worry about him alot. But I am ready to move on. I am pretty, smart, funny ,an RN, and up for anything. I support myself well. I feel like I am in the best place I have ever been, in regards to opening up myself to a relationship, not to remarry, want no part of that. Sexually speaking, I want everything I missed for the past 17 years, as he had erectile disfunction, but he thought it was ok, as long as I had an orgasim, which he always made sure of. I get why men want younger women, because yes they do look younger than me. But I have reached a point in my life, that I am much more adventurous than someone younger than me, sexually speaking. We are not dead yet, have learned over the years, so we need to make the most of what we know, and of our knowledge of making it all count.I have never known how to meet the love of my life, obviously. But I sure want to give it a whirl! There is a nut for every squirrel, just open your heart! Relationships are rough, but worth it. Good luck to men who are looking for women that are 10, 20 years your junior. I am sure, that I can give you much more than a woman who is looking for security and/or a daddy
Act your age, open your eyes! We grew up during the same years…i understand where and when you came from. Get over yourselves! I know I will make some lucky dude a very happy man! God bless you all!
Thanks for all the contributions in this thread which is overall very helpful
I am a 62-year old artist, tall, fit, not bad looking , quite well off financially and an intellectual. I met a not particularly good looking (this would be the conventional view as she is short and almost obese and loosing her hair) but highly intelligent woman about 3 years ago aged 52. I didn’t “fall in love” but adored her company and she rapildy took over my life. I moved to her city and rented a flat studio about 300 yards from her house and we more or less lived together. Basically my life revolved around her and she was absolutely fantastic with me helping me with everything. Then she became menopausal, lost all interest in sex (she insisted that she this was not just that she didn’t want me) and became very bitchy. Despite this and a few tiffs I have grown to love her dearly. Recently we had a biggish argument and now she has suddenly announced that shewant’s space and isn’t sure she wants me any moreand seems to be going back in the dating game. I find myself completely alone in a foreign city with a broken heart. Anyway cut out the self-pity ! I should have cherished her a lot more but sometimes with women it is very hard to know what they really want from you if anything – more expensive gifts? More travel. We talked the whole time and a lot about me but that was because she didn’t like talking about herself – she would phone 4-5 times/day while I was working and just wait for me to talk. She didn’t seem to need anything. What really upsets me is that we formed a pretty fantastic couple together in my opinion very well matched and I can’t see how starting everything over again with someone else will help her? There is the age thing but her first husband was 20 years older so she must like older men-So yes well – women don’t need men any more but we (or I at least) need them real bad. Any ideas/criticisms very
Good Evening!
Been married over 30 years and both in our 50’s. She stayed home in the earlier years ,
gave up a job to raise our daughters and i respect her for this. She is my woman ;anything i can do as she now works is fine by me but have no issue doing the tasks of housework that need to be done including starting dinner when i arrive home early.
Kiss her , tell her she is beautiful and how much i love her . Cannot thank this woman
enough even though she felt for a while depressed through menopause with our daughters moving on. All it takes is sticking by this woman with surprise of flowers , cooking a meal, making dinner , getting laundry done and household chores thanking her with listening to her with her needs and wants. Take her places even on a road trip
for the day.
Respectfully,
Michael Riordan
I’m 38 and have been done with men for 3 years now! It’s so hard to find a man that sees me as a human being. All men seem te be obsessed with porn and expect you to cater to all their needs, but when you start talking about your needs, they call you a nagg. Many men try to play me, a have had several stalkers, get harresed a lot on the streets too. I’m not a woman who is obsessed with her looks; I don’t dress to steek attention, don’t wear make-up, no high heals or short skirts, any of that stuff, but still men just see me as a walking mastrubation tool. I’m sick of men! I just want to meet a man who can see me as a human being, not mere as a sexobject to use and dump when their done with my body. I feel very rejected when men are just interested in having sex with my body, like I don’t even matter at all. I can’t wait to turn 50 and become invisible to men! Concerning men, that is all I’m looking forward to, becoming invisible to them so they will leave me alone. I’m not made for your pleasure!!!!
Well with so many women these days that are Narcissists anyway, that will make it very difficult for many of us Good men meeting a Good one unfortunately since the women of today have really Changed since the Good old days.
I’m in my 40s, the men around my age are so keen to put women my age down, even the most dull unattractive men act like they’re players doing you a favour just talking to you, all of them have forgotten their manners. After being told constantly you’re past it, not desirable because you’re not 25 anymore, are delusional for expecting to not be treated like trash, blamed for everything any woman has done to him at any point in his life ever and expected to babysit a grown man who can’t look after himself why wouldn’t you be done with men?
There are plenty of women around who would love to have a great guy in their lives but men my age aren’t great guys, they’re selfish, hypercritical, pushy, bitter and needy. Guys you wanted to make middle aged women feel utterly sexless, undesirable, uninteresting to men and unappreciated, mission accomplished, we feel about as sexy as an old sock, the result of that, women don’t want to sleep with you, suprise! No sex for you, your bed, you made it, you sleep in it, alone.
I am in my forties and still in good shape and have had people tell me I could pass for thirty. I am so tired of being married but still love men. I miss having guys begging for dates, my husband is the same for over twenty years, almost totally ignores me ! My husband is a good provider and still love him but I have no sexual interest in him. I have been considering either divorce or a separation and living alone. My sex drive is almost uncontrollable while his is nearly gone and I fantasize about other men. I would NEVER marry again and I would never settle for one man, monogamy is so dull and not my thing.
Your just yet another example of women who really have no interest in a good husband ! ” Monogamy is so dull and not my thing”. Many husbands give a woman their best years and a nice comfortable home and get paid back by her giving another man the reward that he is not good enough for ! Women like you deserve to be used and kicked to the curb like another piece of trash.
Not so sure about this! Spouse stayed home in early years raising 4 girls and i was
involved in everything from school plays to family functions as she made it happen. Her choice too staying home while i am supporting family and she gave up a career. Wanted
to stay home . She is amazing !
Fast forward ! Our daughters are onto there own lives and we are empty nesters in
our late 50’s. What she has stated is that i am willing to take on risks and try things to make her happy. Listen to her , have an open mind and not my cup of tea but
i went with it. Another side of her sexiness which was taboo years ago and better then ever.
Michael, you were one of those very lucky men that has a good old fashioned woman for a wife since today unfortunately most women are Nothing like that at all since the great majority of the women nowadays are so very greedy, selfish, spoiled as well. Most women now want the very best and will never settle for less since it is all about money for them since they’re so very money hungry these days. Now that many women have their careers making their six figure income they will usually go with men that make Mega Bucks anyway since they will take advantage of many of these men as well unfortunately. Most women don’t even want of us good men anymore these days since these older women want their freedom especially when they were married at one time for a very long time since they’re very much independent now more than ever and they really Don’t want another man in their life at all anymore.
Some of you women are seriously delusional.
First, I completely sympathize with some of you. Living in an abusive relationship must be awful. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, and whole heartedly agree that you should have left the jerk. But the biggest issue I see here is that the rest of you are completely self centered. You cry about not having your needs met, while acting disgusted when a man approaches you about having his needs met. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that men require physical intimacy, and women require more emotional intimacy. You wonder why your husband withdraws from the relationship, after years of rejection in bed, because you’re “too tired”. But you know as well as I do, that you’d jump all over David Gandy, Tom Hardy, or some other hot bod. Some of you are guilty of abuse through negligence. I’ve been married for 25 years to my BEST FRIEND. We have three sons, and starting with the birds and the bees talk, each of them were informed that SELF SACRIFICE is the key to being a man. Self sacrifice for your God, your family, and your country. I have drilled into them that the world does not revolve around them. The secret to a good marriage is to not be selfish, and now that they are older and have started dating, I have instructed them that one of the most important traits in searching for a mate is selfless charity. If she’s generous towards the world, she will be generous within your marriage. Very FEW of the above posters would make the grade. I’ve also taught these young men to not be walked upon by women. They’re strong and supportive, but they’re not going to be taken advantage of by some manipulative shrew. Once again, very few of you would measure up to their standards.
Wake up! The world doesn’t revolve around you. You selfish tart.
I think women are done with men , regardless of age , most are anti male to at least some degree. Women prefer their own gender for company over men , also permanent celibacy is not a problem for women , the desire is not there. What the world needs is a sex drive killer for men = win / win for everyone , the ” sick, perverted ” men will never bother women again , many men are finally waking up & rightly turning their backs on women.
Hm. Beautiful 40 something woman young men always think is in her 20s reading this, deciding whether to continue to put up with men, or finally give in and start dating the quite wonderful 50 something woman who’s open about her sexuality and openly out to seduce me. She’s confident. She does what she says she will. She follows through. She possesses integrity. She contacts me to see how my day was. She discusses disagreements and fights fair. She supports me emotionally. She isn’t jealous of or threatened by my career and accomplishments. I don’t have to hide any of myself or any part of either of those things from her. She seems 100% committed to becoming a team player alongside me for the long run. Being around her is peace and fun.
AND NOW COMPARE THIS TO MEN.
I’ve fought lesbians off all my adult life, but after having given men enough chances, and reading the sex-obsessed, woman-hating filth spewing from so many male fingertips on this page, I think the decision’s been made.
Why would any intelligent, beautiful woman with her own money and career and so much to offer settle for some hateful fat balding freak with two inches and so much rage that will just uncork then spool out for decades? What is the ROI for men? I’m a businesswoman; I can’t deny this; the fact is, men make a VERY poor investment.
Next time this girl asks me out on another date, I’m saying yes. Congratulations, angry men: you’ve created another late life lesbian!
Any other choice, for any woman worth something, is self-destruction. Mohammed Nazir is right: we need to close this poisonous generation of males sexually off, refuse their sperm, and let them die out. They’re a moral cul de sac. Humanity can do better, and our children and grandchildren will thank us. They brought it on themselves; they’re too full of porn, issues and sheer hate. Who needs it? Screw em.
Women for women and to hell with men forever.
Well unfortunately most of the women nowadays are either Gay and or Bi anyway, but never straight.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
??????? Can you provide statistics, please
Every post on here is about how terrible men are to their wives. Well, here is a little information about my wife. From day one in our marriage my wife ALWAYS put her parents ahead of me and anything I ever done, although I was never unemployed and made a good living. Her parents always ate it up and not once told her to consult me before any decisions. She, from day one has always been very controlling and if she did not get her way, would throw fits until I gave in. In this time we had two children. One day it was brought to my attention that she was in the middle of an affair with a man that she worked with and when I started to pay closer attention I got feedback that she was telling her parents that I was mistreating her and many lies about me. All the while, it seemed like she was never home and I was left with the kids, which is OK but I found out that she was meeting her other man and lying to me as to where she had been. She was preparing to divorce me so she was building the platform to justify it to her parents. She has been a NIGHTMARE of a wife and through it all I have never cheated on her but there is nothing left. Now that we are older, she acts like she cant figure it out why I feel nothing for her. But guess what. She STILL tries to control every move I make. Men are not the only terrible spouses !!!!!!!!
Sorry to hear this, you deserve much better. Leave.
Most of these women will just grow old all alone with their cats anyway.
Statistically speaking, the majority of females grow old ‘alone’ as a general rule of thumb; given that men, for the most part, die younger. Life evolves…death presides…regardless of relationship status and whether or not, one keeps a cat, dog or pet lama for that matter.
Well after all, if these women have one another with their very own Dildos which they will do just fine.
And i fully explain further more with my comment which will be the very excellent truth buy the way. First of all which most of the women today have such a very rotten personality and no respect for us men at all either. It has become so very extremely dangerous for many of us good innocent men out there now just to start a normal conversation with a woman that we would really like to meet. They will be very nasty with many of us men for no reason at all, and even Curse at us too which i can see how very mentally disturbed that most of these women are nowadays which is very scary for many of us men. Most women unfortunately are just very pathetic low life losers altogether now since there is really no reason at all to blame us men in the first place, and it is a real shame how very troubled that women have become now unfortunately over these years. And it is not only the older women that have become so horrible now since the younger women are just as bad as well. Women have definitely Changed for the worst of all, and with all of these reality TV shows that they have now as well as social media which has certainly corrupted many of these women’s mind altogether now too. And now you have all of these Feminists women all over the place which Most of them are real men haters to begin with since many of them are really Gay as well too. So for many of us men trying to find a real decent Normal woman today has really become very impossible unfortunately for us since it is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. And comparing the women of today to the good old days which back then when Most of the women were very Normal that made real love very easy to find since they were the very complete opposite of what these pathetic losers are today, and i really do have to say that the women back then really did put these women today to real shame altogether too.
Thank you for this subject and to everyone who has written about their experiences…..some of it truly frightening…extremely beautiful sensual women, intelligent funny successful women couldnt care less what he looks like..and yes after 50 we are ambivalent to the brainwashing that happiness comes in the form of a male or a soulmate…to the superficial men who claim they settled because a woman has more curves than they prefer… … I assure you it is s h e who settled and you dont deserve a mother Goddess…what you need is a blow up doll or an escort service to fulfill your fantasy woman ideals.
Said the loser herself.
LOL, I am revisiting this thread for the first time in a while. I just have to chuckle at these delusional old spinsters who still think that they are hot and desirable. Younger women are much more interested in sex and way better at it because of their energy, enthusiasm, lack of inhibitions, and lack of entitlement. Why would I want to sleep with an old listless, saggy woman when I can bed firm, hot, horny younger women who are eager to please? I am 62 and I since becoming single 4 years ago have dated a few women over 50 as well as women in their 30’s, 40’s, and couple in their 20’s. Now that I have a good basis for comparison I don’t bother with women over 45, preferably dating ladies under 40. They are so much more fun and much easier on the eyes. After wasting precious years being married life is good now. 🙂
Sorry over-fifty single ladies but you are (figuratively) screwed. There are way more of you out there than there is a demand for. You will have to settle either for a successful fat old 70+ y/o man or a loser closer to your own age with no money or looks.
Well now that so many women are so very busy sleeping around with all kinds of men which makes it very obvious that they will never be able to settle down with only one man anyway. Just too many party animals that most women are these days since they like getting totally wasted with their girlfriends as well. So how in the world would these very pathetic women be able to commit to only one man like i just mentioned? Very impossible i would say since most of these women now unfortunately are just so very much out of control and running very wild all over the place.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
“Well now that so many men are so very busy sleeping around with all kinds of women which makes it very obvious that they will never be able to settle down with only one woman anyway. Just too many party animals that most men are these days since they like getting totally wasted with their friends as well. So how in the world would these very pathetic men be able to commit to only one woman like i just mentioned? Very impossible i would say since most of these men now unfortunately are just so very much out of control and running very wild all over the place.” How’s that feel for you, Mark, to be so generalized and shamed for being a sexual being? Like it? If you don’t, then be aware of how you talk and think about women — and men. Not ever woman, or man, wants to “settle down with only one” person anyway; don’t judge.
The problem for these burned out party girls is that after wasting time riding the c*ck carousel during their sexually desirable years they begin realize that they are not as hot any more and they panic. They suddenly eschew their slutty ways and become desperate to find a man to take care of them in their old age. One little problem. Us guys are wise to that game. No thanks, we’ll take the young party girls instead. Who needs these bitter old hags with 200,000 miles on the odometer? Not us. They have nobody to blame but themselves. Hope they enjoy their cats. 🙂
Wrong. And with most women being so very dumb, as well as very worthless and clueless nowadays which they’re better off staying single anyway. Why are you changing my words around when you know that i am really right ? It is the women of today that have really changed, and there are many of us men that really don’t sleep around like our Ex wives did since i had this happened to me already and friends that i know too. Most women unfortunately are just real whores which has a lot to do with the divorce rate being so very high nowadays since they cause about 70 percent of it which is real fact by the way. And in case you want to know which i was the very faithful one in my relationship at the time when i was married since i really did love her and was very committed to her as well before this happened to me. Most women just rotten low life cheaters and always will be .
And Rob, you nailed it with your comment as well.
A lot of women aren’t HAPPY being married and don’t find it FULFILLING 100% of the time! Whoa! SMH.
As a 45 year old virgin I am not happy nor fulfilled 100% of the time either. That’s life.
Marriage isn’t supposed to be a Disney Princess fairytale, a Hallmark rom-com, or a vampire/pirate/billionaire romance cheese factory. It’s about keeping promises, sticking together when things get rough and you both lose your looks and health.
Sad how folks in their forties and fifties date aimlessly like sex crazed teenagers. I tried dating and got fed up. Almost everyone else on the sites (female and male) wanted commitment free hookups. Can’t blame it all on men since they couldn’t do it without like minded women. And women are at least as sex crazed and promiscuous as men (generally speaking.) Why should a man ask one woman to marry him when there are a dozen on either side giving it away for free?
Sad. I wanted what my parents have. They married at age 20, in college and are together after 48 years. But finding a husband in college didn’t work and it’s almost impossible to find a man of integrity after 23 since they marry young.
Online dating is a cruel joke for everyone. Too old for this nonsense of dehumanizing men so they can dehumanize me too. if I can’t have the REAL deal–commitment and loyalty even when they’re unsexy–I prefer living like a nun. Men actually like commitment it seems. The lies of the Hook Up culture have hurt us all.
Love in the old days was very real since both men and women were very committed to one another which is why the majority of marriages did last at that time. Today unfortunately many marriages are failing. There was more commitment between men and women since it definitely was a very different time back then.
As a 48 year old Male, married to the woman I met at 21, I don’t have experience with other women. But I do know that she is not happy being with me and never will. She is always one thing away from being happy, new job, new house, new car, etc… I really miss the closeness and connection. I am a romantic and tend to like to keep a connection. She has all divorced friends and now spends all her time drinking with a group that seems to be bitter toward men. So she ends up bitter as well. The worst is that the kids see it too and tell me how she is never happy. I tried for 20 years to keep a spark, to stay connected.
At this point I think I would be happier alone than to stay with her. She stays with me simply for financial reasons. I bring 3/4 of the income. I do want her to be happy but I doubt see it happening with me around.
I have come to the conclusion that being single is easier than continuing to be with her.
Menopause is the death of many marriages. The wife goes off sex, and there is little reason for either partner to connect with the other in any meaningful way. Their lives have become humdrum, since most time and energy is spent bringing home the bacon so that no one starves or has to live under a bridge in a box. Neither partner has much of a life, because the means to do more than drag home exhausted with a head full of work-related BS is essentially used up for the day. And those supported don’t appreciate that at all, expecting the bread winner to entertain and provide fun and games upon arriving at home.
I played this game for 45 years, and it’s the biggest mistake I ever made. My sons watched this happen, and they shun relationships like the plague they are. They will end up with better elder years than I will.
I think these women need to speak with their husbands. As a man who sees what it’s like on the other side, I think the husband’s probably feel the same way as these women do. As the article discusses many of these men are good men, which means they’re too kind and nice to have this conversation with their wife. Instead they live unhappy and unfulfilled. They are either afraid to hurt someone they care for, don’t want to break up the family, fear divcorce’s financial ramifications of being married to someone for more than 20 years, or are afraid to be another number in the game of dicorce. Likely they’re feeling the same way on the opposite side of the fence. We are not the same person we were 5, 10 or 20 years ago, and certainly neither is our spouse. These feelings are not isolated to women. Their are many men who also feel trapped living with a friend who they are no longer in love with.
Too often, a woman will reach a point even in the best of relationships when she’s had enough of sex and won’t participate anymore. She expects her partner to understand that and cooperate. If he doesn’t, he’s out the door and the relationship is no more.
Since men never really lose the desire (losing the ability is due in part to this denial on the part of women), there is a conflict.
Men wanting sex is one of the most common and vehemently expressed complaints I’ve heard from middle-aged and older women who are “done with that foolishness”. Yet they still want men to court them, to have committed relationships with them, to support them economically, and to not expect sex. When they can’t find such a man, then all men are to blame.
There is a reason middle-aged men pursue younger women. Middle-aged women.
All one needs to do to answer the question is to google middle-aged women dating and many articles will come up featuring women of that age group complaining that men only want sex from them. All they want are eunuchs with money and a lot of time to devote to having a “quality relationship”.
Men aren’t interested in being a woman’s lap dog.