A neighbors’ son turned 4 last week and celebrated with a party at a local fire station. As I passed him and his mom on their walk downtown this past weekend, he was wearing the fireman hat from his party.
I smiled.
A fireman birthday party — I remember those days! I also remember the snake party, the superhero party, the building and fixing party, the dinosaur party, the shark party, the pirate party; when you have boys, you have many stereotypes to turn into a birthday party theme!
When they got too old for that, I’d pack a few of their friends in the minivan and we’d head to the movies and then a pizzeria after; a heck of a lot simpler than planning a theme and buying all those crappy “Made in China” plastic tchotchkes to fill out their goody bags. 
Once they became older, however, none of those ideas worked anymore. When you turn 16 or 17 or, gulp!, 18 — as my younger son will in a few months — there’s only one “goody” everyone expects: Booze.
Well, not at my house, and that’s why there won’t be a party for my son when he turns 18 and why there hasn’t been a party for either of my sons the past few years. Marin has some pretty tough social host ordinances now, with fines of a few hundred dollars, but that isn’t why I won’t serve booze — or turn a blind eye to the BYOB types — to teenagers. I just think it’s wrong.
I often feel like I’m in the minority. There are many parents around here and elsewhere whose philosophy is, “They’re going to drink, anyway; at least here I can keep an eye on them.” I can understand that thinking but it’s misguided. If a parent allows his or her kids to have a beer or a glass of wine with dinner as they do in Europe, fine; you just can’t serve it to my kid without my permission first. And, you won’t get it.
My son knows my feelings and he’s OK with not having a party (and, thankfully, his close friends are not the partying type). But, he’s lucky he has those friends — if you’re not drinking in high school, you can be a social outcast. If you are drinking in high school, the chances are you’ll be a binge drinker in college. And binge drinking can lead to some pretty ugly stuff — rape, pregnancy, drunken driving, death.
If parents want to send the message that underage drinking is not OK, then they can’t allow parties where booze is flowing; we can’t have it both ways. Where do you stand?
Do you allow your teens to have booze at parties … or turn a blind eye to it?
Do you allow your teens to go to parties where there will be booze? Do you call first to ask?
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Twitter: Pobutler
says:
I’m with you. My kids are not teens yet but when they are, I will have the same policies. I wish more parents were like-minded on this!
I didn’t drink in high school, and I am already trying hard to instill the same values in my kids. They need to learn to stand up to peer pressure, and that can start at an early age. I’m working on it…
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
Thanks for commenting, Peggy. Our kids may sneak drinks and drugs anyway (I know mine have), but I still think the message they hear from us should be very clear. Good luck!
I was appalled to find out when my kids were teenagers that the parents of their friends (well, some, but not the exception, I might add) actually provided the kids with access to alcohol. I think it was from a misguided view that if they supervised the drinking, it would be OK. This was before many of the social host ordinances took off in Marin. I grew up in Europe, but drinking wasn’t part of my upbringing, and I certainly made it clear to my sons where I stood on the subject. I would like to think that helped, but my sons (well, except for a brief odd time for my younger one) were not the partying kind.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
Me, too, Maria. But then again parents around these parts let their kids do and have a lot of things I’m not so OK with (like giving them a new car when they get their driver’s license or a $5,000 bike — really?!?) But as misguided as those may be (in my mind), at least they’re not illegal!