As we slide into the Thanksgiving holiday, I am feeling pretty thankful for a lot of things, including the chance to have met and been able to profile Dixie James and her daughter Holly. Their story is pretty inspiring; Holly was born with Down syndrome, and anyone who has a special needs child knows how challenging that can be. Dixie does, but she rose to that challenge and became a better person and mother because of it.
What I didn’t include in my article is something Dixie told me; that most of the mothers of Down syndrome babies she knew ended up getting divorced. While that is disturbing to hear, it isn’t all that surprising. As I wrote in a Huffington Post article, “Do Kids Cause Divorce” a while back:
Having a baby is what Forrest Gump’s momma said about life; just like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get. Autism, Asperger’s, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, cerebral palsy, Down syndrome, bipolar disorder, cancer — there are any number of things that can challenge a parent’s idea of what raising a child will be like.
Marriage may be trying on its own but throw any of those into it and it’s not too surprising that a good portion of those families often end up divorced. The percentages are all over the map, but statistics mean little when you’re living with it every day.
And the statistics are that more kids with special needs live with single moms. 
Dixie did not divorce, but it took having a supportive husband and a lot of self-awareness on her part; it’s easy to put all your focus on your child — who legitimately needs so much more — instead of your relationship, which was a familiar theme I came across in “parents of special needs kids” chat rooms while researching for the HuffPo article. Guilt, anger, frustration, exhaustion, conflicting ways of dealing with special needs child-rearing — it’s all there. On top of the everyday realities of being a parent.
And that is why I find Dixie’s story so lovely. We can indulge ourselves in our guilt, anger, frustration and exhaustion and feel sorry for ourselves, or we can do what Dixie has done and continues to do — “try a little harder … give a little more.” And, at the same time, take care of ourselves, as she has; we just can’t be a present parent if we are full of sacrifice, stress and sadness, which I wrote about in “Stop Putting Your Kids First.” It’s what Christine Carter, a sociologist at the University of California at Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center and author of Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents told me when I spoke with her for ModernMom.com: “(H)appier parents are warmer, better listeners and give consistent discipline.”
That’s an important message for all parents, not just parents of special-needs kids. So is the message that Dixie illustrates so beautifully in her book, Holly: Going Beyond Mother and Daughter’s Potential — that we have as much to learn from our children as they learn from us.
I’m thankful my kids have taught me a lot about myself and life. What about you?
Happy Thanksgiving.
Loading tweets...
