So Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are planning to divorce but remain business partners in their reality TV show “Q’Viva!,” according to the Huffington Post.
All I can say is, good luck!
It seems sort of romantic to go into business with someone you love and know so well; who better than a spouse to work with? We love mom-and-pop businesses; in fact, they make up more than 80 percent of the nation’s companies. And they’re not just the cozy diner on Main Street or the quaint B&B somewhere in Maine, either — many are Fortune 500 corporations.
That’s fine, but I wonder — how the heck can an intimate relationship handle all that stress? Because, it is stressful.
I know, because I did it.
Years ago, when I was still under the tie-dyed influence of the 1970s, I dropped out of college, followed my boyfriend to Colorado and then took on a bunch of grunt jobs to keep us afloat — barely — while he was in college.
Eventually, I landed a job at a small restaurant owned by two 30-something guys. I adored them and their families, they adored me, and before long, they made me manager. I loved being in charge, loved creating new items for the menu, loved our customers. By that time, by boyfriend-turned-new husband — the first husband — had dropped out of college, too, and needed a job.
“Come work with me,” I said. “It will be fun.”
So he did.
It was not fun.
It wasn’t so much the 24/7 thing — I actually didn’t mind being around him all the time (probably because I was young, barely 21, and stupid). No, it was because he was a bad employee. His scoops of ice cream were too big, he gave the wrong change, he didn’t clean up properly.
So I fired my husband. Talk about awkward!
In a way, I think he was relieved; he didn’t really want to work with me. I’m not sure he wanted to work, period. Perhaps that’s why he’s my ex-husband.
But, I’ve now discovered, ours wasn’t necessarily an unusual situation. “When it’s good, it’s very, very good, and when it’s bad, it’s horrific,” according to Ruth Hayden, a family business counselor and author of “For Richer, Not Poorer: The Money Book for Couples.” “There’s very little middle ground.”
If a husband-wife business doesn’t work, not only can it destroy the business; it can also destroy the marriage and the extended family, she says.
I’m not saying J Lo’s and Marc’s situation will be the same as mine. Working side-by-side in a small restaurant and collaborating as celebrities on something like a TV show, with handlers and layers upon layers of pre- and post-production people, are totally different worlds; they may never even see each other while the show’s filming.
But is working with a spouse — or an ex-spouse — a good idea? I’d love to hear your story.
A version of this column appeared on Mommy Tracked.
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