Vicki Larson's OMG Chronicles

Let’s face it: Women would rather stay at home to raise their kids than work full time, and society should do everything it can do to support that. In fact, all the freedoms women have gained, including their access to the workplace, is working against them.

That’s what conservative Helen Andrews, the managing editor of the Washington Examiner, recently lamented:

By making it easier for women to pursue success in the workplace, we have made it harder for them to do anything else. Pressing the brake on the trends set in motion by the feminist revolution would leave women more free to follow a diversity of paths.

I guess that path would lead to marriage and popping out babies:

The American family is once again in crisis. The statistical bellwether this time is not family breakdown but failure of families to form in the first place.

Well, she has a plan — we should start boosting men’s lives because, gosh darn it, women want to marry! And we want to marry successful men! And maybe if women would just get out of the workplace so men can have those jobs, then we can finally have the kind of guys we want to marry!

Women want equal pay for equal work, and they should get it, but they also want men they can marry. Women were responsible for almost the entire increase in labor force participation between 2015 and 2017. Isn’t it time to focus on helping male workers specifically, their wages and their industries?

Poor men and their wages and industries! It would be horrible if they had to survive on women’s wages and in women’s industries. Then they’d know what it’s like to be paid less and have careers that aren’t always respected.

Back in the kitchen, ladies!

There’s a lot to unpack in Andrews’ op-ed although we’ve all heard this before. Women, stay in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant, where you belong!

How could women succeeding in the workplace possibly limit us? It’s actually allowed us to have choices — like choosing to not be in the workplace full time or at all if that’s a situation that works.

It’s also allowed us to marry or not and, thankfully, we can live happily as singles or cohabitors without having to wed to survive. Interestingly, having women succeed in the workplace has made many of those lifestyle choices work incredibly well.

It’s also allowed us to form families. They don’t always involved a trip down the aisle but there are more ways to be a family now than ever before. The beloved version of family for conservatives — Mom, Dad, kids, house, picket fence, etc. — still exists, but it isn’t the dominant family type anymore. That’s OK. Rather than try to squeeze us back into that version, which clearly isn’t working for everyone, why not acknowledge, support and embrace all the ways people live as families?

Do women really prefer part-time work?

But what about those gals who would prefer to work part time, especially if their kids are young? Is that true?

When I wed for the second time, my then-hubby and I knew we wanted to have kids. We agreed one of us should be at home while the kids were young, and since he was older and much more established in his career than I was, we decided he’d be the breadwinner and I’d be the homemaker. But I always worked part time, at night for many years so my kids had my attention in the day.

Was it my choice to work part time? Yes and no. If I could have had that kind of flexibility in a full-time job, I would have chosen that. All those years of working part time have led me, at midlife, to a precarious financial situation, even though I worked full time for most of my life.

Having flexibility in a full-time job that also allowed me to be available to my kids? Yeah, I’d choose that. I’ll bet a lot of women who dropped out of work or curtailed their hours once they had kids would choose that as an option, too, if it were available. It rarely is.

The workplace today is not suited for anyone who has kids or who has to caregive. It’s especially hard for women, who generally do the caretaking. And for women trying to support themselves or their families on minimum-wage or gig jobs, well …

And there are no policies that support people who are caregiving, and I don’t mean just children.

Someone’s got to caregive

Maybe that’s why more women say they’d prefer to work part time than men — because we are expected to do the caregiving, and we do. And I’m not sure the polls that ask people what kind of work situation they’d prefer — full time, part time or none at all — also ask them if they really prefer it or is there no other option.

Maybe we should start asking. Because the answers are probably a lot more nuanced than what conservatives would have us believe.

Want to have success in the workplace and in your marriage? (Of course you do!) Then read The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels (Seal Press). You can support your local indie bookstore or order it on Amazon.