It’s an old saying but most of us have heard it — “Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?” That’s a phrase that’s both dated and sexist, so to hear it re-branded as “cheap sex” — aka casual sex — and purported to be the reason men aren’t committing and marrying is something I would have thought we wouldn’t be discussing in 2017. And yet, here we are, thanks to sociologist Mark Regnerus and his new book, Cheap Sex: The Transformation of Men, Marriage, and Monogamy. 
Regnerus (the same sociologist behind a controversial study of how children of same-sex couples fare) says cheap sex — sex with little cost as far as time or emotional investment — is behind a host of societal ills, from fewer people marrying to the rise of unmarriageable men to more people living together to more children being born outside of marriage — you get the idea. And it’s all because women are giving men sex too easily and quickly, thanks in part to the Pill, without demanding anything in return.
OK, it’s true that fewer young people are marrying nowadays. It’s true that more young people are cohabiting nowadays than ever before. It’s true that the pervasiveness of porn has changed the way men and women think about and engage in sex. And it’s true that there’s a lot more sex outside of marriage nowadays. But to say that the only reason men are avoiding committed relationships and marriage is because women are spreading their legs and giving it up too soon (bad, women, bad!) is shaming, blaming judgmental and, as it happens, not entirely accurate.
‘Men will work for sex’
In a 2011 article in Salon, no doubt the beginnings of his book, Regenerus writes:
(W)hat many young men wish for — access to sex without too many complications or commitments — carries the day. If women were more fully in charge of how their relationships transpired, we’d be seeing, on average, more impressive wooing efforts, longer relationships, fewer premarital sexual partners, shorter cohabitations, and more marrying going on. … while young men’s failures in life are not penalizing them in the bedroom, their sexual success may, ironically, be hindering their drive to achieve in life. Don’t forget your Freud: Civilization is built on blocked, redirected, and channeled sexual impulse, because men will work for sex. Today’s young men, however, seldom have to. As the authors of last year’s book Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality put it, “Societies in which women have lots of autonomy and authority tend to be decidedly male-friendly, relaxed, tolerant, and plenty sexy.” They’re right. But then try getting men to do anything.
I have no problem with a society that’s relaxed, tolerant and plenty sexy. In fact, I’m all in! I’m also in for a male-friendly society, too — why not be friendly to men? But, what does it even mean? Does it favor men and men only? In what way? What Regnerus seems to forget or ignores is that some women — not all, but some — would actually like to have casual sex so they can focus on other things besides a romantic relationship, which is a time and energy suck. As my friend, economics professor and Dollars and Sex: How Economics Influences Sex author Marina Adshade, says, women are “shamed for behaving in a way that society believes is contrary to their nature.” People have a hard time believing women can be happy having “cheap sex.” Well, many of us gals actually can.
But Regnerus also seems to say that if men don’t have to work hard for sex, they’re not going to work at anything. Really? I know lots of men who are doing lots of things — working to make the world safer from nuclear weapons, helping poor farmers in Africa and Sudan increase their crops so they can feed their families, investigating fraud, fighting for justice … Oh, wait — that’s not what Regnerus means; he means try getting them to woo a woman properly and commit and marry. Because I guess that’s the only thing that matters — romantic relationships and marriage. For men like Regnerus, it’s true: they see marriage as a way to make men become respectable members of society, to tame them. But do today’s men really need to be tamed? And, if so, is it really a wife’s responsibility to do that? We have enough on our plate, quite honestly.
And as the mom to two nice young men, one in a committed relationship and one single after five years of a committed relationship, it’s an insult!
Other factors in play
Yes, there are young men who are living in their parents’ basement and playing video games all day, but I highly doubt it’s because women are “giving” them cheap sex — it’s probably more about stagnant wages and the fact that video games offer a social aspect that leads to a boost in guys’ happiness. I don’t fully understand it, but I don’t think convincing women to hold off on providing “cheap sex” is going to do anything Regnerus would like to see happen — like marriage. And some men are wary of marriage because they know divorce is always an option and men haven’t always been treated fairly by family court; why wouldn’t they delay or avoid tying the knot?
And that’s part of what he suggests, that women conspire together to close our legs and vaginas until men give them what they want — even if what we may want is some casual sex until we find the right person to settle down with, if we even want that, and more and more women are just not interested in being married.
Sorry, Regnerus, but it’s not women’s job to control men’s behavior. The guys are going to have to figure this out by themselves. That said, women should never feel that they owe a man sex; we don’t. Ever.
Delaying marriage isn’t all bad
Interestingly, the data Regnerus presents clearly indicates that men are committing and marrying — they’re just waiting longer to do so. But that’s OK! Since we’re living longer than ever and since women fare better by delaying marriage, why are we still wringing our hands about this? Maybe if we offered people other versions of marriage — like time-limited, renewable marital contracts — more would consider tying the knot. Maybe the problem is with our very narrow one-size-fits-all traditional marriage model.
So let’s stop worrying about men getting free milk without buying the cow. As comedian John Mulaney explains, for many men the cow still matters:
Why buy the cow? Maybe because everyday the cow asks you when you’re going to buy it. And you live in a really small apartment with the cow and you can’t avoid that question at all. Also, the cow is way better at arguing than you are. … But for real, why buy the cow? Let’s be real. Why buy the cow? Because you love her.
And that’s what people like Regnerus don’t seem to understand — men will commit to a partner and may even want to marry her (or him or they) when it feels good and right and natural and important and desired. Because sometimes, that’s what they want — even if they’ve had a lively casual sex life with whoever’s given it up freely, willingly and happily.
Want to explore why you want to marry? (Of course you do!) Then read The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels (Seal Press). You can support your local indie bookstore or order it on Amazon.
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I have to agree with you on this one. The reason men aren’t marrying isn’t because of cheap sex. It is because we men have a lot to lose and nothing to gain in the event of divorce thanks to the corrupt, gynocentric family courts in the U.S. Marriage simply offers no benefit to the large majority of men. Why should I get married when I can get anything I want being single? Not only that but if you are a married man your wife controls your sex life. If you are single and your lover loses her libido like most women eventually do you have the choice to boot her out and go find it elsewhere. Married men are stuck unless they want to cheat which is pathetic and something best avoided.
Dear Rob,
I’m sorry to inform you, someone lied to you. A lot!
Women don’t normally lose their libido. (specific cases exist, not relevant here)
They want and love sex
(not equally to men or other women, we’re all individuals after all)
They lose interest in men who are not good partners in their everyday life.
And no one in good marriage controls anybody’s sex life, or anything else.
Your whole comment is full of sexism, prejudices and misconceptions.
Going through life with such unfounded representation of reality is sure way to end up unhappy.
I suggest you doubt what you “know”, try to find out different perspectives and
..treat women like humans.
Sincerely.
Happily married feminist*
Not advocating for marriage. Just some long(er) term healthy & honest partnerships.
Lol, typical delusional feminist claptrap. Try telling this nonsense to all of my non-single friends who are married to women who suddenly lose their libido after trapping the poor guys into marriage. One of my best friends was informed on his wedding night that there would be little or no sex in his future even though she pretended to enjoy it until he put the ring on her finger. She even admitted the deception but he was stuck at that point. No thanks, I’ll happily stay single. If these entitled feminist women want to play games with sex I happily move on to the next.
BTW, maybe you are happily married but I wonder if your husband is? 😉
What if your circle of friends is just full of sexists like you so you end up with same experiences?
At no point in your comments you show like you can think for a second that a women is human being, just sex machine.
Yeah, women buy same lies as you, and they can treat themselves as sex objects too. You have one example, lol, and you sound like he can’t get divorce/annulment. Yeah, just tell yourself those stories are only ones out there.
I don’t care about you much, as I read your comment to Jono here, and I see you’re beyond repair. Sad.
And I’m sure you wouldn’t believe me that I know when my husband is happy and when he’s not and why.
So I can, and do know how he experiences our relationship.
But your worldview doesn’t include relationships without dishonesty, cheating, exploiting, control… so you’re just going to tell yourself another story why we can’t be true.
I’m writing this to other possible reader here. Interested in marriage.
Don’t buy the story about men and women being fundamentally different as people! (those books Mars/Venus type just sell old fashion stereotypes repacked.)
And be honest. and assertive. Communication is the key.
Also work on yourself -think about what you want in partner and see to become all that yourself, and you’ll find “like-minded” person.
Oh, and stay away from people like Rob. Men or women.
One who can generalize whole gender (or race, nation or whatever large group of different people) can’t see you as a person.
Have a smart life and/or safe casual sex if that’s your thing.
Reading this kind of judgmental nonsense from a delusional feminist should serve as an example to all of you guys out there as to what you could end up with if you get married to an American woman. There is simply no significant benefit to a man to get married, especially here in the US where you could easily end up with one of these women whose mind has been poisoned by modern feminism. Foreign women are better but still not worth marrying.
I am still waiting for one of these feminists to tell me one single thing of significance a man can have by getting married that he can’t have by being single. Of course we all know the answer – nothing! Marriage is not good for men, period. So guys just say no to marriage if you want to keep your hard earned money and keep control over your own sex life.
BTW, my friend whose wife deceived him on his wedding night did a get a divorce and it cost him a million dollars. Yet another glaring example of why marriage is great for women but a horrible deal for men.
I think plenty of men will make a commitment even if casual sex is available, but commitment isn’t for everyone. With older men I don’t believe casual sex is all that available in general, but it is out there for a price. Rob is right in that married men ARE stuck and then the idea of a renewable contract starts looking very attractive.
Jono, happily you are wrong about older men. I am 62 and I date women 15-20 years younger. There are plenty of them out there who will give it up for free, often on the first or second date, especially if they think that there is a chance that I might eventually commit to them. I have even had success on Tinder with women as young as 36 who were only interested in sex without commitment. It would be even easier if I dated closer to my own age because the over-50 single ladies are, for the most part, pretty desperate but I am not interested in them since I can date younger, more attractive women. The younger ladies also have not lost their sex drive yet and are much more fun in bed than than the older ones, with rare exceptions.
I don’t think casual sex, or any sort of romantic relationship, is necessarily available for men (regardless of their age). Throughout my 20s, I and my male friends all went through long years when any sort of romantic relationship with a woman was very hard to find indeed. Our subjective impression was rather that women were much more in demand than men on the relationship market — or at least, more in demand than we were. Perhaps we were unusual in that respect, but this is the sort of question that an empirical study could try to answer.
This article is a bit late. Men a large portion around the world are avoiding sex altogether. Males to adulthood are constantly observing. They are now observing that sex could make their lives miserable. They see and hear things that they are afraid of and its everywhere. Sex stopping after they are married, Fake rape claims, outrageous tuition costs, divorce settlements highly in favor of the woman, women “sperm jacking”/ stealing sperm and sabotaging birth control, the list goes on and on.
Men with few exceptions do not want children they just want the sex. Men have always known that women untimely drain a mans wealth and resources for access into her body and to have a raise children. But now the cost has surpassed the levels of wealth and resources he has or is willing to give.
My proof is everywhere.. Japan’s birth rates are at unsustainable levels for years. South Korea is so desperate for new citizens they are forcing men and women to date. Not due to internet sales bridal shops, toy stores have gone out of business Toys’ᴙ’ Us is about to go down.
Women have believed nothing is to high to pay for access to her body and her most attractive parts in her underwear. Now they are finding there is a accumulative price that is to high.
Women don’t owe men sex, ever. Ok
Men don’t owe women committment either.
Twitter: OMGchronicles
says:
No one has ever said men did.
Precisely. Commitment isn’t owed either. That’s what’s going on.
Much of the technology that set women free (ahem, consequence free sex and easier chores), which by the way was what they wanted as liberation, also set men free. If that was not enough, America’s divorce industry would provide the necessary motivation 🙂
Helen Smith said it best, in her book Men on Strike. There is simply no advantage to marriage, for American men. None. I talk to young men, and explain how divorce laws work, that they can be made to pay child support for a kid that isn’t even theirs, that women initiate 70% of divorces. I wish you could see their faces- awareness dawns like the morning sun. I don’t know any men who want to be a fishbicycle. Why argue? Go anywhere else. Only a foolish man marries before 30, if at all. Why? Women are dream killers. Sit in on a contested divorce case. Just listen. I tell this to young men with hormone rushes. Those who do this… get smarter. I foolishly married, in college, to a woman who just wanted a kid, and then to stick me for child support. Bill Burr says it best: “Oh, this is the line to have an over 50% chance of losing most of my assets, and having my heart ripped out through my wallet? Hey, I’m in!” I got custody of my child, from that marriage, and raised her. She had 5 boyfriends during our marriage. How did I know- she told me! Nothing I did was good enough. She is now homeless, by choice, paranoid, and her own children want nothing to do with her. I wish her well. Far away from me. My second wife- also an alcoholic- and a former cop- lied about everything. The housework that got done was what I did. I got her out of my life, oh was she upset, she thought she’d hit the lottery. She passed on a month ago. I never had anything to do with her, after the divorce. She never found another guy, either.
Men are totally stupid, when they are young. Pain, a most patient teacher, brings wisdom. I knew a woman in my town, who divorced a crackhead drunk. My kid played with her kid. She thought I had some interest in her, so she had 1 of her 2 large boyfriends intimidate me, just like in high school. I wrote her a letter, noting I was in computer courses, and wouldn’t have any time at all. Neither of the boyfriends panned out as husband material, so then- then- she started being polite to me. I had no interest. She had 3 kids. She can raise them.
I knew a Vietnam vet who came back from the Nam, married his high school sweetheart. 6 weeks into the marriage, she decides she wants out. FOrtunately, they didn’t have a kid. She took half the equity in the house. Don Juan was who he was because his heart was broken. This guy took up with what they called ADC women, at the time, welfare moms. He got great sex, for about 3-4 months. They would issue an ultimatum, and he’d just leave. He had 2 on the line, at any given time. His ex married another guy, had a kid, divorced him. Married a 3rd guy, had a kid, divorced him. Realized no. 1 was pretty decent. Only now she had 2 kids by another guy. He had no interest in paying the six figures per to raise somebody else’s kids. He liked her parents, and would eat dinner with them. She was screwed, No. 2 and 3 were deadbeats. By way, there is a very easy way to solve the deadbeat dad problem- overnight. Women can stop having sex with deadbeats. It’s that simple. Except that they seek out bad boys, and deadbeats, and stay with them. “Ohh, I love him…” even though he abuses them. I see guys who passed the 10 year mark… and their wifey treats them worse than excrement, knowing his head is already laid out on the guillotine, and he can’t get it out. I tell young men to sit in on a contested divorce case, so they can see a guy’s throat cut, and hung up to bleed out, in divorce court.
surgery without
anesthesia is divorce
slaughterhouse of dreams
I’m married. My wife is Spanish, a culture that still somewhat respects men. I won’t have anything to do with American women. They are dangerous explosive ordnance. Talking to them at work about anything besides work can easily become a violation of 20 USC 1681-8- if they want it to. A feminist at a martial arts course I took my wife to invited me to a restaurant, for some juicy gossip about the instructor. I knew exactly what that was- an L-shaped ambush. The best way to deal with ambushes is to stay out of them. So I brought my wife. The feminist showed up 30 minutes late, and was shocked to see my wife. She told me the gossip, which sounded like a lie, and then she came on to me. I couldn’t believe it, by my wife assured me it was so. When she found out my wife was pregnant, she got up and left, without a word. Good riddance. She and her fem friends all hated men- I listened to them talk, after class, the hatred poured off them in buckets. Wow. When I was a kid, I lived in a country with poisonous snakes. they were beautiful, but I sure never slept with them. I don’t want to be a fish’s bicycle. Let them be lesbians- what did Ti-Grace Atkinson say- oh yes- feminism is the theory, lesbianism is the practice. I grew up in an alcoholic family, and I know how to be invisible. I turn on my invisibility, around American women. It is possible to shut down the male sex drive- Buddhist monks, and Taoist practicioners do it. I did it, in college. A friend of mine, a Coast Guard veteran, estimates that 30% of births in the USA are due to women who ‘forget’ to take the pill. I listen to Tom Leykis’ show. Wow, is he right on. There are a very few American women who would make good wives- like less than 1%. I wish you could see the look on the faces of young men, when I explain the child support percentage, or the Duluth doctrine, or that they can be stuck for child support for a kid that isn’t theirs, or that a 22 year child support obligation is treated as a lifetime obligation by accountants. I see more and more women that engaged in serious man-hating single lives; and then want to get married. I spent time in the South; males around feminists feel like black people at a triple K convention, and I do not exaggerate. Men rarely speak openly around women, on such things. “I bathe in the tears of men.” Have you seen that T-shirt on a woman? I have. Cool. Thanks for that warning. “All sex is rape”, say the feminists. Cool. Please identify yourself as a feminist, so I can stay the heck away from you, I don’t want to rape anybody for any reason. In the Korean War, the North Koreans set it up so American POWs wouldn’t trust each other. It meant there was no cooperation. Cooperation is how humans survive. It starts with respect, moves to rapport, then trust, then cooperation. American women have ZERO respect for American men, but they will happily marry truly abusive third world men, and excuse their abuse. I know a guy who is 50. His wife stuck him for huge support payments. He can’t remarry, or his child support goes up, based on her income, and then it’s never lowered even if she leaves him. So he uses Tinder, and keeps 5 women on the line at any time. He has the perfect very valid excuse to never get married. What a life. A friend of mine had a brother to go to hospital. The woman he lived with turned up, introduced herself, and left. Another woman showed up, introduced herself, and left. Another woman… he was running 7 women. he was 42; they varied in age from 20’s to 60, and the 60 year old looked better than the 40 year old, I was told. Women do not understand Gresham’s law, or the law of attraction; you get what you concentrate on, and the bad drives out the good. When I was in the military, I couldn’t believe the number of intelligent women, educated, who married total jerks. My brother explained: women prefer jerks, and bad boys. Maybe they like being victims, I don’t know. My second wife liked playing the victim, she trashed me about town, after I left. Wow, I knew I never wanted to be in court with her playing the victim better than any Hollywood actress. I go to a Mennonite business, that’s a distance away. The women who work there speak from their souls, without lies. It’s incredible, it’s like food for the soul. If I wasn’t married, I’d go to their church, just to meet those women. They have such respect for their men. I remember reading about Native American women picketing one of Lynn ANdrews’ talks, because Lynn puts their men in such a negative light. Wow. I resolved that I would do anything in power to put light in the lives of Native American women, and, working through intermediaries- for courtesy- I have done so. I understand why younger sons went off to join the Knights Templar- which was a monastic order. A lot of guys in the military just stop having relationships with women- they are hurt so much. There are high school grads that get one way tickets to the town just outside Camp LeJeune, so they can get pregnant by a marine, and have a 22 year annuity. I loved that article “Settling for Mr. Goodenough”, by a woman who had a kid by artificial insemination. She said men were good for cheap child care, companionship, and yes, for child support. American women see American men as an animated wallet, waiting to be bled dry. I explain all this to young men, who will listen. I wish you could see their faces- it is like the sun coming up at dawn, as it hits them. I have never slept with a women I didn’t intend a long term relationship with- that was my religious upbringing I suppose. If you really want to understand how American men about about 25 think, listen to Tom Leykis on youtube, or at his website. You know that feeling, when they put the needle in a vein, to take a blood sample? That’s how I feel when I’m around most American women. I’ve learned to exaggerate my nerdiness, to turn women off. It’s not difficult. Women have a “sell by” date, for marriage, it’s around 30 or so, and 27 for Chinese women. The cruellest joke on women is Sex and the City. After playing around for that long, women in their late 30’s got husbands? In NYC? This is vicarious wish fulfillment, at its finest. It’s not realistic. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, I’m saying it’s very rare. My father told me long ago that the only reason to get married is to create a stable environment to raise children in- everything else can be gotten in other ways. We don’t even have that any more. over 50% of marriages end in divorce, in the USA. Of those, over 70% are initiated by women, of which 90% are college educated. I saw a guy at work, 60, who went out with a 35 year old woman, who had 3 kids, and a house. She just wanted a dad for her kids. He decided he wasn’t up for it. I knew another guy, 60, whose wife dumped him. He found he could find all kinds of nice ladies through the personals. He loved it. My mother remarried, at 80, to her college boyfriend, after my dad died. They had some good years together. But they knew they could trust each other. American men know, more and more, that they can’t trust American women, who are never satisfied. It’s not worth it. Marriages are at an all time low, in the USA, and the numbers continue to tank. There just aren’t that many candidates to be fishbicycles.
More and more American men realize that, when they want lots of sex, and no bitching, they will get precisely the reverse. Thank you, Ti Grace, for your wisdom, I greatly appreciate it. I wouldn’t even talk to feminists when I was in college, beyond the absolutely necessary. As Katie Roiphe’s book points out, there are all kinds of false allegations of rape. The only way to survive a minefield- which is what American women are- is to stay the heck out of the minefield. Marriage is an L-shaped ambush, with the claymores, and machine guns of the divorce courts, and the individual weapons- the women- on the long side of the L. Stay out of ambushes, if you enjoy life. And I do. I master my work, wherever I am. I don’t have to offer advice to feminists. I don’t. Let them fall on their faces. I can tell you right now, in the next shooting war, the female officers in infantry units will have a nasty problem of dropping grenades right next to themselves. Men in war don’t tolerate crap. I don’t hate poisonous snakes. I don’t hate feminists, or women. I’m married. I just stay away from poisonous snakes- and poisonous women. And I bring wisdom to young men, who thank me, once they get it. By way, the Quran says women have 9 times the sexual desire that men have. I have found it to be true. Do you really want to understand how men think, about marriage? Listen to Tom Leykis. He is right on, I’ve heard everything he says, expressed by men, repeatedly.
Cheap sex making men avoid marriage… fascinating theory. No, what’s making men avoid marriage is the gruesome object lessons made of their friends, in divorce court. I remember an auditor saying once that it did good for people with access to money, in a business, to see bodies hanging from the city gates- metaphorically. Look at how William Wallace’s body was displayed, as a historical example. Men who have been through the bloodletting of divorce court are object lessons, for any man over about 25. Men do listen to other men, older men, who are sensei- farther down the path. How many men talk about how great their marriages are? Less than 1%. No, the majority of married men, by far, live lives of quiet misery, and depression. They get little sex, they are in lockdown due to divorce courts. They’ll last it out for the kids. Bullfighters, by way, wear almost feminine clothing- because symbolically, they are killing the male energy. It’s a metaphor about Spanish society, and harnessing male sexuality in service of society. And for those who think killing bulls is so cruel, Spaniards ask why Americans have capital punishment.
Boris Becker found a woman squeezing a condom into her vagina… which is why smart met put Tabasco sauce, or better yet, cayenne, in a condom, after use. There is, by way, no such thing as cheap sex, with women, for me. Maybe for gays sex is cheap, I wouldn’t know. Men over about 25 know there is no such thing as cheap sex. I read Tucker Max’s books closely. He is the total opposite of the religious culture I grew up in. Female students in Burlington, VT, at U Vermont, call it Girlington, for a reason. I am totally amazed by all the articles helping women to get married. Whatever happened to a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle?
Men often don’t want children, in the USA, because they know who will pay the costs. I learned intuitive awareness through pain. Most American women are incredibly hostile, with totally contradictory belief systems. Women say men have it so good. Really? So why do men die younger? I can answer that. Because they want to. Why do 4 times as many men commit suicide, as women do? Think about that. Camille Paglia talks about the “women’s sphere” that used to be available, among women. The “men’s sphere” has been wiped out, by feminists, mostly. I know a guy at work, about 45 now, who never got married. He could do well, if he wanted to. He just won’t take the major economic crapshoot of marriage. I see more and more men who just want little to do with women. They know American women mostly cannot be trusted. When I was in the military, it was amazing- in a place with a high male/female ratio, there were always more women looking, than men, in the bars. Wow. Women cheat more than men do, a lot more.
I am married, to a Spanish woman. It used to be, in Spain, that if a woman had a child out of wedlock, the man would have to claim paternity, at the Registro Civil; if he didn’t, the child got the mother’s last name. Julio Iglesias must have 50 such children; he moved to DR because he was afraid of US divorce laws. This meant women were much more careful. Now Spain is adapting American laws, and men over 40 just don’t get married- the economic risk is just too high, and Spanish men aren’t as stupid as American men. My wife has a friend, who is a feminist, there. She comes on strong to Spanish men, who promptly block out her cell phone, and vanish from whatever bar she met them in. All she can find is undocumented aliens. Funny how that works. Maybe that’s why all those feminists in college… never mind. When I see a feminist with mixed race kids, I know to not even talk to her, or get within 20 feet of her, she will be full of resentment, and hatred.
Marriage rates are tanking for quite another reason: marriage is a minefield. Jogging through a minefield is just not good for one’s health, and that’s what marriage is, for American men.
Remember Gresham’s law- cheap sex drives out good sex, too. I have learned to be deeply intuitive, through pain. I scan every woman in my field of vision, intuitively. If I don’t feel really good about them, I don’t even talk to them, and I mask up with invisibility. ACOA’s know how to do that. I don’t even want them to notice me at a distance. Somewhere I heard a set of 2 word rules, for women, who wanted to get and stay married. It went something like Long hair. Lose weight. Smiling face. Loving heart. Good sex. Little talk. Show respect. Thank effort. Dress conservatively. Commitment matters. I think there were more. How many of the above can an American man expect, in marriage? One, if he’s lucky?
Young men ask older men, about women. What are those older men telling them? They are not telling them how wonderful marriage is, mostly. No, mostly they are telling them that their necks are in an economic noose, they can’t get out, no matter what. Married men don’t play around for the sex, so much; it’s more for the open communication. They get nonstop bitching at home. Older men tell younger men to stay single, as long as they can, and to get married only for children, and then to a woman who comes of good family, with still married parents, who respects men. If I was single, I’d move to Mormon country, or go to a Mennonite church, their women at least respect men who work, and support their families. I was married to two women who compartmentalized; I was the wallet, their boyfriends were the sex. I dumped both of them, when I could. I asked them about their vows; they said they were just words. Ok, ok. Arranged marriages, in India, have a 1% divorce rate. The divorce rate in the USA is over 50%. Reproductive rates matter. America will become a lot more Hispanic, and black, and muslim. Count live births. Feminism will wipe itself out, in a couple of generations. Hispanic women fight for their rights, yes, but they value respectful treatment. Don Francisco’s Sabado Gigante used to have a presentation of ANglo guys, with Hispanic women. The men were all very, very happy, with their wives, speaking bad Spanish about how great their women were. And the Hispanic audience smiled, knowing exactly what they were saying. Soy muy contento con mi esposa, mi flor, mi corazon, la luz de mi vida, yo. Some Mexican soap opera star and singer married an Anglo guy. See, Anglo guys don’t play around, not like Hispanic men, and they aren’t usually cruel, the way Hispanic men can be. Jenni Rivera’s autobiography talks about what life is like, for Hispanic women. Even Hispanic women who aren’t very pretty make outstanding wives, the kind one can dedicate a life to, who are gorgeous well through their 60’s, and I do not exaggerate. Heck, in Spain, France, and Italy, there are HOT women in their 60’s, if I was single, well I won’t think about it. There are women older than that, who are still hot, in those countries. Watch Alizee Jacotey, on youtube. She is going to look magnificent in her 70’s, just like Mirelle Matheu does now. Imagine a country where over 50% of the women look that good. That is Spain. or France. Or Italy. Or some parts of South America. Heck, even the somewhat ugly women make pretty good wives. Russian women are like this, too, they say they are the northernmost Latin country. That’s why Mexican tooelenovela soap operas are popular in Russia- and in over 100 other countries. They are more realistic about life, than toxic American soaps. The heroines of American soaps are the villians- the “malas”- of Hispanic telenovelas. That’s another thing. I never, ever go out with a woman who watches soaps- or reads Women’s magazines, or listens to Oprah, or whatever other crap there is on TV. I know how she is programmed. I stay awayyyyy from these women.
Let me say this. There is no cheap sex, not with women, not in the USA. There are only varying degrees of risky sex, at varying costs, which are never in the cheap range. Say goodbye to Anglo culture. It is dying out. Heck, on the census, I now put down Hispanic. I speak fairly good Spanish. Spanish people aren’t as stupid as Anglos. They are far more realistic about life.
Remember Gresham’s law. Cheap sex drives out good sex. Having sex with a woman I’ve been married to, who is committed, in fractal layers of love, in the soliton a good married relationship creates, in the echo of love resounding, in the resonance of a good, long term relationship, in respect, is truly mind-blowing, it is satisfying beyond the best porn, and best one night stand. I remember my aunt and uncle, who lived to see their 75th anniversary, more in love than ever. I don’t play around, never have. No interest. I don’t have any interest in a woman who would play with a married man. You want an education? Talk to a black single mom, about how she feels, raising her kids by herself, dealing with daughters that are promiscuous because they had no father energy growing up, sons that are angry to their core about having no dad. She’ll tell you about cheap sex. She’ll tell you how she misses having a man around, and can’t get one, so she goes to church, to at least be around respectful men, and she’ll love the minister, from a distance. She’ll speak from her heart, as most black people will, when treated with respect. She’ll give you an education on cheap sex that you can’t get anywhere else. Then look around in her community, see how people live. See those videos on youtube, taken from cars, driving through Baltimore neighborhoods, at 2 AM, and all the people on the streets, selling drugs, and drinking, and engaging in cheap sex.
Talk to a man, whose ex is bathing in his tears, after the divorce, after he’s realized that he is economic toast, that he is going to be bled out for at least the next 22 years, if not life, that his ex is going to spend all the child support on herself, and his kids will suffer, and there’s nothing he can do about it. Ask him how he feels about commitment, and marriage. And then realize that he is a permanent negative advertisement for the economic and emotional devastation of marriage, for every man he deals with, for the rest of his life. He is a corpse, hung on a cross, on the Appian way, an object lesson to every other male slave that sees him.
Men don’t talk this way much, not with women around. Women don’t listen. They emote. You cannot have a rational discussion with a woman. She argues from feelings. A man cannot win, and so, gives up.
I was a nerd in high school. It is really wierd to have women coming on to me. I have to like scratch my chin, so my wedding ring is apparent. And it is happening more and more. Totally wierd.
I asked my dad what it was like when he was young. He said fathers got a lot of respect, they advanced at work, people looked up to them, with respect. Now, men are shown as idiots, on TV. Will Caucasian women start pressuring the media to be more respectful, to men, the way Native American women went after Lynn Andrews? No. They won’t. They are too busy “bathing in the tears of men”, as the T-shirt says. Google this, you’ll find posters, and T-shirts, with this. Hey, I love it. Truth in advertising. I know which women to give a very wide berth too. Guys like me know they are utterly worthless as wives, or even acquaintances, they are ticking time bombs. Let them hunt and hurt someone else. Vamos a aprender mas de la idioma Espanyol. Las mujeres Espanyolas son muy calientes! Viva las mujeres Espanyolas! Me gusta las mujeres Espanyolas para siempre! Mi esposa es my angel, mi diosa del sexo, mi companyera, mi corazon. Si, la vida es buena. Gracias a Dios para mi esposa! El sexo con ella es el cielo! Ella es el sabor de mi vida! Gracias Don Francisco! Tienes razon! Las mujeres espanyolas son las mejores! Tengo hambre y sed para mi esposa!
Ethnically, I am Scots-Irish, by way. Oh, whoops, Hispanic, now. This fishbicycle is very happy.