Vicki Larson's OMG Chronicles

Walking home from a hike on the Dipsea trail this past weekend  I ran into someone I know as a friend of a friend and other overlapping circles and so I stopped to chitchat.

“I love reading about your kids on Facebook,” she said to me as I stooped to pet her dogs.

Oh — did I mention she is also a Facebook friend (and I only ‘friend” people I actually know in “real” life)?

As she said that, a weird feeling came over me — had I become one of those moms? The kind of mom who parades her kids’ accomplishments around as if they were medals for hard-earned service? Or the kind of mom known as a stage mom — defined by Wikipedia as a mother “prone to obnoxiously demanding special treatment for her child, or suggesting that the individual has placed inappropriate pressure on her child to succeed” ?

God, I hope not!

I’m not a stage mom or a helicopter mom or any other kind of mom other than a plain ol’ mom. Or so I thought. Now I fear I have become a Facebook mom — a mom who often mentions something charming/creative/exciting/etc. about her kids. Because I sometimes do, the latest entry being that my oldest son just turned 21 — and how the heck did that happen so quickly?

And — wouldn’t you know it — there has already been at least one study about “those” kinds of Facebook moms — aka the “proud mothers.” The results aren’t too kind to them us; in fact, 83 percent of women who count one of “those” kinds of moms as a Facebook friend say they’re annoyed by those kinds of postings. The women also said that one or more of their Facebook friends tended to:

• Share too many mundane updates too often (65 percent)
• “Like” too many posts (46 percent)
• Inappropriately or too frequently use Facebook to promote causes (40 percent)
• Project false information or images of a perfect life (40 percent)

All of which I find interesting, especially in the way that social media has redefined “friend” and how we relate to “real” friends and online friends. And, of course, it’s interesting because it’s a glimpse into what mothering has become — a competitive sport.

I’ve read more than my share of mundane postings and tweets; I don’t really care what you just ate (I may be a foodie, but, hey — there are limits) or where you are at any particular moment — unless you’ve just checked into a hotel suite with George Clooney, in which case I’d suggest you focus on him and not your social networks. But when my friends and I were young mothers, we often shared a lot of mundane information; most of early mothering is mundane! It was comforting to know that someone else acknowledged that in between the moments of sheer magical joy and unconditional love we felt for our baby or toddler, a lot of being a stay at home mom was, well, mind-numbingly dull. Sharing that just might have prevented quite a few of us from imploding.

Sure, we were always suspect of the mothers who projected a “perfect life,” but I never doubted that the moms who had Swedish nannies, housekeepers, gardeners and a six-figure earning husband actually felt that life was pretty damn good. Because, it probably was! Plus, I volunteered in a lot in classrooms and was a teacher’s aide for a while and worked closely with some of those kids — I know that having a “perfect life” when it comes to raising kids is relative. We all have our own definition of “perfect.” Sometimes it means they’re doing their homework and eating veggies once a week.

Still, I just wasn’t jealous or annoyed by either the complainers or the gloaters. But that’s what all these annoyed Facebook women seem to be. Of course, all of us are using social media in part for our own self-interests; otherwise, why post photos of our family for everyone to see? Can’t we just email to friends and family who actually care? And if you’re a writer or have a business, social media is the new DIY way to get the word out. Otherwise, why would you “friend” Target or a local restaurant you frequent?

Back to those annoyed women. Instead of being annoyed by someone else’s happiness, shouldn’t we be happy for them? Does someone’s happiness somehow diminish our own? I don’t think so. Parenting isn’t easy; we should cut each other some slack.

And if you can’t be happy for them, why are you are even calling yourself friends?

What do you think about moms who talk about their kids on Facebook and other social media?