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You’re pregnant with your first child. Can’t speak what that’s like for a man but for a woman who has maybe wanted to be a mom for a long time, and who sometimes wondered if that was going to happen, it’s a wonderful, scary, exhausting, overwhelming thing. I’m sure it was for Melania Trump, too, who said the birth of her first child, Barron, at age 35, and her husband’s fifth child, was “very, very easy.”

The birth of my second child was easy-ish — not “very, very easy” — but like Melania, I, too, had an epidural. That certainly changed things! But it isn’t generally what the woman experiences at the birth of a child that impacts a couple so much as the whole pregnancy and postpartum period. As we recently found out, Donald Trump was having an affair with a porn star, Stormy Daniels, while Melania was pregnant with Barron, and allegedly paid Daniels $130,000 right before the 2016 election to keep quiet. And the First Lady is trying to distance herself from the whole thing while also following the “stand by your man” path.

But, interesting — and sadly — Melania would not be the first women to have her husband cheat on her while she’s knocked up with their child (should we forget former California Gov. Arnold Schwarzeneggar and his love child, born just days after his son with wife Maria Shriver?).

And it recently happened to It happened to Eniko Parrish, whose husband, comedian Kevin Hart, admitted cheating on her when she was pregnant with their first child together — and who amazingly called her pregnancy, weight gain of just 22 and quick weight loss postpartum stress and drama-free.

She’s clearly among the new “fit moms” on Instagram who are no doubt making new moms anxious about gaining too much weight or having the baby weight linger for too long. Of course, being fit won’t guarantee that your hubby won’t cheat on you anyway — right Eniko?

Ambivalence or affair?

Not that I want to give any props to the creator of Ashley Madison, the website that promotes the idea that life is short so have an affair, but founder Noel Biderman says a lot of men sign on to the site when a baby was on the horizon. They may not have been as crass as Trump, who gave Melania a week to “whip herself back into the pre-baby shape” but they certainly had complicated feelings about how pregnancy, birth and a newborn impacts a relationship.

And for some, that means their ambivalence about the pregnancy or the changes that go with it, or their partner’s diminished sex drive or complicated feelings about her body, desirability and sexuality. Supposedly, 10 percent of dads-to-be have affairs while their partners were like Melania — pregnant with their child, despite the stupid Paul Anka song I grew up with in which he croons having a baby was “a lovely way of saying how much you love me.”

Getting men to open up

OK, 10 percent is hardly the majority of dads-to-be. At the same time, I’d want to know how the man in my life feels about the arrival of our first child. Having a baby is as complicated for men as it is for women — emotionally if not necessarily physically — and while society often focuses on the mom-to-be — the one who’s going through all the physical and hormonal changes, the one who’s going to push out a new being from her vagina — men have feels, too. They need to be encouraged to talk about it.

As ob/gyn Laura Riley writes:

Men worry, even if they don’t tell you. Even if your partner doesn’t mention it, he may be worrying about what pregnancy will do to your lives. He may feel anxious about upcoming expenses, your health insurance coverage, the pain that you’ll feel during pregnancy or delivery, what life will be like with three rather than two, and the effects of pregnancy on your sex life. If you are planning to quit your job to stay home with your baby, he may feel more pressure because he’ll be the sole breadwinner. Men question what type of dad they’ll be. For some men, fatherhood is something they have looked forward to for years and feel well equipped to handle. Others may feel apprehensive. tweet

Melania was supposedly blindsided by the recent infidelity revelations.  Don’t be the same. As a society, we probably need to talk more openly about men’s feelings about fatherhood better, and most certainly as a couple. As if just being pregnant isn’t hard enough on a woman …

Want to individualize your marriage? (Of course you do!) Then read The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels (Seal Press). You can support your local indie bookstore or order it on Amazon.


8 Responses to “Melania isn’t the only wife to be cheated on while pregnant”

  1. Rob says:

    I love how you throw out stats such as “10% of men cheat on their pregnant wives” with no statistical proof whatsoever but – hey – it fits your “women are victims” narrative, right?

    What about the probably even larger number of men out there who not only were cheated on by their wives but who are supporting children who were fathered by other men. In fact a shocking 28% (nearly one-third!) of paternity tests exclude the poor husband/S.O. as the father. Unlike your claims this is a proven fact from lab data:

    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16686854

    The gynocentric family court system forces many men pay tens of thousands of dollars in child support for children that they later find out are not theirs. So the cheating whore wife can do the pool boy while her unsuspecting spouse is at work and then hubby gets stuck with the bill for the bastard child. Unbelievable. Where is the feminist outrage here for that? Oh wait…

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles
      says:

      That is what the hyperlink links to: The studies. Pay attention! Sheesh!

      • Rob says:

        The hyperlink refers to the 10% claim by a psychologist, not the proof. There is a big difference. I deal in hard facts derived from real, verifiable data. You deal in anecdotal, non-scientific claims that support your liberal feminist agenda. No big surprise there I guess.

        • OMGchronicles
          Twitter: OMGchronicles
          says:

          If this bothers you so much, why not contact the shrink directly to see how and where he got his numbers from: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drbobrodriguez/

          • Rob says:

            I couldn’t care less where he got his numbers – or even if he has any real numbers. What ticks me off is that you repeatedly post this kind of crap as fact without checking your links for the source of their claims. Pretty shoddy journalism on your part, I’m afraid.

          • OMGchronicles
            Twitter: OMGchronicles
            says:

            I rely on the studies of others: I’m not a sociologist. I always check my links and facts. I’m just the messenger, not the researcher. If that bothers you, then you don’t understand what journalists do. But, I am blogging on this site. And if you don’t like what I blog about, I invite you to stop reading. You certainly don’t respect women, Rob.

          • Rob says:

            Why should I automatically respect someone just because of their sex? I give respect only when it is earned. As a result very few American feminist women earn or deserve my respect.

  2. Jono says:

    I never fathered a child and at this age I will not do it. I must admit, though, that the Trump/Melania thing sure seems like a nothing relationship. I suppose she’s in it for the money as I have never seen a hint of humanity or redeeming social quality in that man or much from her either. Everyone has different needs and there are probably enough people around to satisfy them if that is what they needs to do.

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