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Walking home from a hike on the Dipsea trail this past weekend  I ran into someone I know as a friend of a friend and other overlapping circles and so I stopped to chitchat.

“I love reading about your kids on Facebook,” she said to me as I stooped to pet her dogs.

Oh — did I mention she is also a Facebook friend (and I only ‘friend” people I actually know in “real” life)?

As she said that, a weird feeling came over me — had I become one of those moms? The kind of mom who parades her kids’ accomplishments around as if they were medals for hard-earned service? Or the kind of mom known as a stage mom — defined by Wikipedia as a mother “prone to obnoxiously demanding special treatment for her child, or suggesting that the individual has placed inappropriate pressure on her child to succeed” ?

God, I hope not!

I’m not a stage mom or a helicopter mom or any other kind of mom other than a plain ol’ mom. Or so I thought. Now I fear I have become a Facebook mom — a mom who often mentions something charming/creative/exciting/etc. about her kids. Because I sometimes do, the latest entry being that my oldest son just turned 21 — and how the heck did that happen so quickly?

And — wouldn’t you know it — there has already been at least one study about “those” kinds of Facebook moms — aka the “proud mothers.” The results aren’t too kind to them us; in fact, 83 percent of women who count one of “those” kinds of moms as a Facebook friend say they’re annoyed by those kinds of postings. The women also said that one or more of their Facebook friends tended to:

  • Share too many mundane updates too often (65 percent)
  • “Like” too many posts (46 percent)
  • Inappropriately or too frequently use Facebook to promote causes (40 percent)
  • Project false information or images of a perfect life (40 percent)

All of which I find interesting, especially in the way that social media has redefined “friend” and how we relate to “real” friends and online friends. And, of course, it’s interesting because it’s a glimpse into what mothering has become — a competitive sport.

I’ve read more than my share of mundane postings and tweets; I don’t really care what you just ate (I may be a foodie, but, hey — there are limits) or where you are at any particular moment — unless you’ve just checked into a hotel suite with George Clooney, in which case I’d suggest you focus on him and not your social networks. But when my friends and I were young mothers, we often shared a lot of mundane information; most of early mothering is mundane! It was comforting to know that someone else acknowledged that in between the moments of sheer magical joy and unconditional love we felt for our baby or toddler, a lot of being a stay at home mom was, well, mind-numbingly dull. Sharing that just might have prevented quite a few of us from imploding.

Sure, we were always suspect of the mothers who projected a “perfect life,” but I never doubted that the moms who had Swedish nannies, housekeepers, gardeners and a six-figure earning husband actually felt that life was pretty damn good. Because, it probably was! Plus, I volunteered in a lot in classrooms and was a teacher’s aide for a while and worked closely with some of those kids — I know that having a “perfect life” when it comes to raising kids is relative. We all have our own definition of “perfect.” Sometimes it means they’re doing their homework and eating veggies once a week.

Still, I just wasn’t jealous or annoyed by either the complainers or the gloaters. But that’s what all these annoyed Facebook women seem to be. Of course, all of us are using social media in part for our own self-interests; otherwise, why post photos of our family for everyone to see? Can’t we just email to friends and family who actually care? And if you’re a writer or have a business, social media is the new DIY way to get the word out. Otherwise, why would you “friend” Target or a local restaurant you frequent?

Back to those annoyed women. Instead of being annoyed by someone else’s happiness, shouldn’t we be happy for them? Does someone’s happiness somehow diminish our own? I don’t think so. Parenting isn’t easy; we should cut each other some slack.

And if you can’t be happy for them, why are you are even calling yourself friends?

What do you think about moms who talk about their kids on Facebook and other social media?

2 Responses to “Have I turned into a Facebook mom?”

  1. AnnMaria says:

    I guess I’m a Facebook mom. Although I spend probably 5 minutes a day on Facebook, almost all of my friends are relatives and most of what I post has to do with the family. If you are looking for technical information, read my blog or follow me on twitter.

    I think all this criticism of mothers is a bunch of crap, personally. Why shouldn’t mothers talk about their kids? It reminds me of when I graduated in 1980 with an MBA and the few women in the program were cautioned not to have pictures of their children on their desk at the risk of people assuming we didn’t take our careers seriously. Now I own the company and my office is full of pictures of my kids. Both clients and employees seem to like it – it makes the place seem more relaxed. I think the same is true on social media.

    When I read about colleagues’ kids I am mildly interested. I don’t know anyone who posts / tweets about their children excessively.

    • OMGchronicles
      Twitter: OMGchronicles
      says:

      Thanks for writing, AnnaMaria.

      Hey, if I didn’t talk about my kids, I might have nothing interesting to say! Just kidding.

      I don’t know anyone who blabs excessively about their kids either (or maybe they do, but because I’m on Facebook/Twitter sporadically, too, maybe I’m just not seeing all of it). The big joy of Facebook for me (and, yes, it is hard to admit that I do get some joy out of it) is seeing photos of my distant friends’ kids who are all grown up now. It’s so wonderful to see what lovely young men and women they’ve become.

      I looked at your website, and promptly forwarded the link to my boyfriend, a math tutor. I thought he’d like to read what you wrote about math.

      Glad you found me!

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